The Awl

Scott Walker Gravely Concerned About Workers' Health Care Costs

Choire Sicha — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 16:20:29 +0000

Here is Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's testimony today at the House's hearing on state's debt—while a judge was ruling that Dane County doesn't have standing to sue the state over Walker's bill that limits collective bargaining. Walker, or as Wonkette calls him, "the Koch Brothers’ dumb little whore from Wisconsin," was not there to talk about how the Wisconsin state assembly voided an ordinance this week that ensured five whole sick days a year to employees of companies that had 10 or more staff. No, he went forth to rail about the high cost of health insurance born by private workers! Yes. He did. He is really concerned that factory workers and the middle class pay "anywhere from 15% to 50% of their health insurance premium costs." His brother, too! They would "love a deal like the one I offered government workers," Walker said. Gee whiz. Hmm. If only there were some way to organize working people, so that they could help get their health insurance costs down. I just can't think of how....

Anyway: it gets better.

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Dear Kathleen Parker: Welcome to New York City!

Choire Sicha — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 15:00:53 +0000

Hello!

Congrats on moving to our town for your job working with Eliot Spitzer. (Good luck and be careful!) I'm sorry that you think that New York City is Communist China, which is something you literally just wrote in the Washington Post! And I'm sorry you see signs of "government management" of our lives everywhere, which, are you talking about those bossy crosswalks and weird fences on the corners where you can't cross? Because those were all Giuliani. And it is true that you can't get a good mass market donut here. So now that you've LIVED IN NEW YORK CITY now "FOR A FEW WEEKS" and you DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, maybe you should move to Westchester before you have a chance to figure out what you're talking about, you Non-New Yorkey Beltway Outsider™? Guess what, my friend: you can't get a good Krispy Kreme donut in New York City BECAUSE OF THE FREE MARKET, not because of Mayor Bloomberg's war against trans fats. The last Krispy Kreme franchisee WENT BANKRUPT.

It's fine, ma'am. It's a story we're used to. A person moves to New York City and chafes against the injustice of things they have made up and don't understand! I mean, we hear it from the 23-year-old Ivy grads every day already.

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American Empathy Watch: When Suicide Jumpers Destroy Our Cars

Choire Sicha — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 09:00:47 +0000

"A New Jersey woman is devastated that her precious sports car — just repaired and fully gassed up — was wrecked by a suicidal man's 40-story attempted death leap on the Upper West Side.... "I miss it. It's my baby," moaned Maria McCormack... 'Why? Why my car out of all the cars in the city?'.... Meanwhile, a Dodge spokesman credited the car's 'high-strength steel structure' for helping absorb the blow." Really, everyone comes out a winner in this one.

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$50 Million Buys Fake Grassroots Healthcare Profiteer A Chance for Governorship

Choire Sicha — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 09:12:45 +0000

Rick Scott is now the Republican candidate for governor of Florida. Have you read Rick Scott's Wikipedia entry recently? It's really amazingly off-putting! It's unfathomable that you could read it and think something like: "Yes! This man has my best interests at heart!" In any event, he spent $50 million and now the Republican party has to support him. Actually, according to his campaign, he won because of this: "We had a campaign of people who were tired of the traditional establishment. They are tired of the same old thing." But I guess they're not tired of billionaires who provide "Starbucks-style" medical care to the vast market of uninsured people while lobbying against healthcare reform.

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Haiti's Would-Be Savior Hiding in Secret Haitian Location

Choire Sicha — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 15:10:18 +0000

Haiti has postponed its election certification! Now we won't know until Friday who of the 36 applicants may be allowed to run. (The criteria in Haiti to run for president includes owning property, which is sort of gross. Also you have to have lived in the country for five years, which seems reasonable!) But there's a problem! Celebrity would-be candidate Wyclef Jean "said he is in hiding after receiving death threats. In an exchange of emails, the singer told the Associated Press that he was at a secret location in Haiti." So you know, being the president would definitely work out for him then.

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Complaint Box: Person Writes About Dismembering Lovely Birds

Choire Sicha — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:40:39 +0000

Today's Times's "Complaint Box" is given over to one Louise Dreier, the recent beneficiary of a master's degree in urban planning from Columbia. Her topic? "It's time New York regarded pigeons as the major nuisance they are-they're simply rats with wings." 1. Okay, I guess they already did airplane food? And 2. Yes I know we are at war with the birds, but the pigeons were not a combatant-they were an ally. And: 3. This weird bias against Columbidae must stop. Those of us who have read Pigeons: The Fascinating Saga of the World's Most Revered and Reviled Bird know that this trash-talking and, yup, CASUAL RACISM about the feral rock dove results not only in terrible cliches but also in anti-bird violence and, sure, I know I am sounding awfully PETA-crazy right now. But, c'mon. Live a little! That this person (whose Columbia work, nobly investigating street harassment, uncovered the shocking results that "a male companion makes women feel safest" on the street) gets to write about throwing water balloons at pigeon nests and how she contemplates tearing off pigeon legs? Petty, crude and bizarre. I'd love to see her boring, birdless, Sim City plans for her urban-planned version of New York. Then I will have some awesome birds take a crap on them. (Photo by ZeroOne from Flickr.)

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Shirley Sherrod Considering USDA Job Offer

Choire Sicha — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 17:41:06 +0000

Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack has offered just-ousted Shirley Sherrod a job. No word yet on whether she'll tell him to stuff it in his spineless face, but there is word from the White House that Vilsack won't be fired. Huh.

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Luke Russert Plays Dumb About His Privilege

Choire Sicha — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 09:40:35 +0000

It's one thing to have privilege and exercise it. We kinda expect that! This is New York City, we're not ignorant about how things work. But it's actually just insulting to have it, exercise it and then play dumb: "Luke Russert, son of Tim Russert, the 'Meet the Press' host who died in 2008, worked at City Hall during summer 2007. In an interview, Mr. Russert said that he juggled two internships that summer – one at the mayor's office, the other at NBC, working for Conan O'Brien.... Asked what role his connections played in landing the job, he said: 'I don't really know about that. I went through the application process like anyone else.'"

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'Times' Lawyers Send Catty Trademark Slap to 'WSJ'

Choire Sicha — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:27:47 +0000

With the rise of the Wall Street Journal's New York section has come the realization that the WSJ and the New York Times are two silly, squabbling children. This schtick was fun and profitable when the Post and the Daily News did it-but that scheme isn't going to work in this case. The endless back and forth has already become sad: now their legal departments are bitching each other out over trademarked language in their competing promotions. Also, you know what's uncalled for, from a lawyer? "After an exhausting search of our records, we find no indication that you ever received permission to make use of our unique and proprietary Slogan." Really? Exhausting?

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The Perfect Men's Swimsuit, for the Tardy

Choire Sicha — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 10:30:09 +0000

It is true that, despite the horrifying epidemic of cargo shorts on men right now (it's so awful! They are so ugly! There are so many other kinds of shorts to wear, you lazy things!), at least swimsuits for men are largely in a good, agreed-upon place right now. (Handy 2010 guide: Dolce is too short, Thom Browne and Theory are too long, and Paul Smith is either too long or too short. Also Marc Jacobs is too girly.) It is well-described as James Bond-ey, or, as I like to think of it, James Bondi Beach. (SEE what I did there?) They are "classic swim trunks with a two-inch inseam, the short, sporty kind," as today's Times puts it. Amusingly, Parke & Ronen, the swimsuit purveyor they profile-shopping for these trunks on Ninth Avenue! Gasp!-was pimping the four-inch inseam back in 2006. Anyway, why are you buying swimsuits in early June? Where were you back in February? Jesus, quick, just buy whatever's left, you're lucky to find any clothing at all! (Also, just buy this or this.)

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