According to the latest tally on Google News, there are 2,803 current media reports involving stolen Baby Jesuses from nativity scenes. This represents a [made up percentage] increase in nativity infant thefts over 2011, which had held the previous record with [made up number] documented desecrations of Christmas scenes. Many are wondering just how low we can go, as a species. If children and other pranksters think it's "okay" to lift a plastic baby with a hole in its bottom for a colored light bulb, then what else might people do, given the chance?

"It is one thing, I guess, to steal even the shepherd or a king," said [...]

"Is the recession really and truly over," is what we began to ponder, Carrie Bradshaw-style, as the invitations to holiday parties began to overflow our inboxes. "Kind of," is the answer! Because we were pondering that at the same time as the New York Times was planning to lay people off and Rupert Murdoch was shuttering The Daily. So kind of not.

We also learned that there is no party-planning communication between different media outlets. December 12th? You are a holiday NIGHTMARE. Let's look!

Happy Memorial Day from Nancy Pelosi and Joint Chiefs of Staff honcho Mike Mullen! How will you observe this day? By getting crunk and sunburned in the back yard with your homies? Or by gazing terrified into the yawning horrible future that we have made for ourselves? Choose wisely-and do let us know. Also? As great as that is, there is by far a stronger competitor for best picture of the weekend.