The Awl

God, Doesn't The "Beer Summit" Seem Like Ages Ago?

Alex Balk — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:50:33 +0000

James Crowley, who arrested Henry Louis Gates, Jr., last summer, gave Gates the handcuffs with which he was restrained. Gates in turn donated them to the National Museum of African American History and Culture at the Smithsonian. And now that painful chapter of our nation's history has been closed.

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Blog Post Read Aloud For Some Reason

Alex Balk — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 10:15:39 +0000

If you are interested in hearing a dramatic reading of our transcript from the Beer Summit starring the voice talents of Christopher Hayes, Amanda Carpenter, Ana Marie Cox, and Ezra Klein, you can listen in at the Air America website. Ana does her "street" voice!

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Meanwhile, Back In Cambridge

Alex Balk — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 15:50:10 +0000

Henry Louis Gates' neighbors are trying to start a conversation of their own, apparently.

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Henry Louis Gates Laughs In The Face Of Death

Alex Balk — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 09:10:24 +0000

Welcome to week three of the Henry Louis Gates arrest story! Apparently we're at the stage where we can laugh about it now, unless we are National Arbiter of Morals Sally Quinn-herself a victim of discrimination from a black police officer-who thinks the professor is a dishonorable man. This has seemed like a very quick summer, but, man, it has NOT BEEN QUICK ENOUGH.

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Wall Street Journal Assesses White House Chat

Alex Balk — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 09:50:14 +0000

It only looks like an Onion headline.

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Minutes Of The Meeting Between Gates And Crowley At The White House

Alex Balk — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:38:00 +0000

Late this afternoon, President Obama finally sat down over beers with Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police sergeant James Crowley. The LA Times notes that "a small group of photographers and reporters was permitted to witness the meeting for about 30 seconds and from about 50 feet away — transmitting to the world a snapshot of Obama, in shirt sleeves, seated at an oval table with the now-famous pair. Gates and Crowley appeared to talk seriously, and at one point Obama gave a hearty laugh. Joining the three was Vice President Joe Biden, also in shirt sleeves." While the meeting was closed to the press, we've obtained a transcript.

[As THE PRESS departs the scene, OBAMA addresses BIDEN, CROWLEY, and GATES in a soft but firm voice]

OBAMA: Alright, let me be very clear: Those bastards have telephoto lenses, so even at fifty feet away they can still get some pretty good shots. I want you all to stay smiling for at least another minute. Let's just keep a casual conversation going for the time being. I'm going to emit a hearty chuckle right now. [Chuckles heartily] Okay, let's get this thing over with.

BIDEN: [Brightly] Israel has our go-ahead to take out Iran whenever they're ready!

[OBAMA glares at BIDEN. CROWLEY looks confused.]

CROWLEY: I still don't understand what he's doing here. He kind of scares me.

OBAMA: The Vice President is here because in his many years of service to our nation he's made the healing of racial differences a priority in his career.

BIDEN: [Brightly] I used to be a lifeguard with some black fellas! Good, clean guys. Spoke well!

GATES: He's also here to make sure you ain't the most ignorant Irishman in the room. [Muttering] Cracker.

OBAMA: Easy now, Skip. Let's save the Stokely Carmichael routine for the next Christmas party on Quincy Street, okay?

GATES: But Mr. President! This ofay motherfucker violated my dignity! I shoulda put that cane right up his ass!

CROWLEY: I'd have liked to see you try, darkie.

BIDEN: [Brightly] Russia is in so much trouble they're going to have to do whatever we say!

OBAMA: [Glaring at BIDEN] Okay, listen, I want you all to shut the fuck up. Officer Crowley, I want to apologize for saying you acted stupidly. It was a poor choice of words which, no matter how accurate and perhaps even understated, got me into so much trouble with all the idiots in the press and every entitled white man who hated my guts in the first place but never had a way to say it without sounding racist that here I am, wasting valuable time on a Thursday evening sitting around with the American political version of Dorothy's companions from The Wizard of Oz. Heart, brain, nerve: each of you needs one of those three. Can you guess who you are? You, in particular, Sergeant. If you only had a little more courage you'd have been able to step away from a man who was justifiably angry for being confronted in his own home without turning it into some kind of reflection on your manhood and the respect you think you deserve simply for wearing a badge. In Cambridge, for Chrissakes. You're a cop in a city that's Canada to Boston's America. Jesus Christ.

BIDEN: [Brightly] We have no idea what to do about North Korea!

OBAMA: [Glaring at BIDEN] I think it's fairly clear which one of the three of you needs the brain.

GATES: Whatchoo talkin' about, Obama? You saying I ain't got heart? I ain't too old to still give you a whupping!

OBAMA: Oh, come off it, Skip. You're a goddamn Harvard professor. How smart can you be to be dumb enough to forget that at the end of the day you're still just another dark face to every racist mick with a tin star and a sidearm?

CROWLEY: Wait a second, I resent that.

OBAMA: Cram it, Bull Connor, I already dealt with you. I'm chastising Professor Gates now. For fuck's sake, Henry, do you know how far this ridiculous incident has set me back? A month ago Americans were still patting themselves on the back and saying, "Can you believe we elected a black guy as president?" Now they're pissing their pants in fear and saying, "Can you believe we elected a black guy as president?" I should be out there making the case for health care and urging patience on the economy. Instead you've turned me into some horrible combination of Al Sharpton and Oprah fucking Winfrey. Let me make this perfectly clear, okay? When a white cop asks you to come out of the house, DON'T COME OUT OF THE HOUSE. Can you get that through your Ivy League head?

GATES: [Muttering] I'll get it through ya mama's Ivy League head.

OBAMA: [Raises eyebrow] Excuse me?

GATES: Yes, Mr. President, I understand.

BIDEN: [Brightly] Afghanistan is going to make Iraq look like Grenada!

OBAMA: [Glaring at BIDEN] Okay, drink up, gentlemen, the bar's closing. I've wasted enough of my time on this ridiculous sideshow. I trust you'll both announce that you found the meeting amicable, that we've reached some common ground, that America still has a long way to go on its journey to reconciliation, but that the first step is for men and women of goodwill to sit down together and... I dunno, whatever the fuck Favreau tossed off, Rahm will give you the talking points on the way out. Any questions?

CROWLEY: [Talking softly, gesturing at BIDEN] Is he really always like that?

OBAMA: Actually, this is one of the good days. But don't worry. Between us, the Secret Service has standing orders to take him out immediately if anything happens to me.

CROWLEY: That is the most reassuring thing I've heard in two weeks.

GATES: Finally, something we can agree on!

BIDEN: [Brightly] I hope you guys know how to speak Chinese, because pretty soon they're gonna own us all!

OBAMA, GATES, CROWLEY: [In unison] That's our Joe!

BIDEN: [Brightly] Where?

[End transcript]

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Bud Light: When You Need Something Suitable To Help Stop The Bleeding

Alex Balk — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:45:30 +0000

Our national conversation on beer will hopefully reach its conclusion this evening at 6 P.M., when President Obama, Henry Louis Gates, and Cambridge Police Sgt. James Crowley gather together in the White House and crack the top on an ice-cold Bud Light. The obvious political pandering in the selection of beverage ("Democratic political consultant Chris Lehane noted Bud Light traces its roots to Missouri, one of the nation's hardest fought electoral battlegrounds in recent years") has caused some controversy, in that Bud Light is neither technically American (Anheuser-Busch was acquired by Belgian-Brazilan consortium InBev last year) nor technically beer (Bud Light is a combination of frog urine and carbonation), but given that the whole event will not technically be any kind of real conversation about race, it seems oddly appropriate.

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Cambridge Cop Related To Angry Black Man Henry Louis Gates

Alex Balk — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 10:25:23 +0000

Holy genealogy! It turns out that Skip Gates and the Cambridge cop who nabbed him for being dusky in his own domicile are related! Gates and Sgt. James Crowley are both descendants of fourth century Irish warlord Niall of the Nine Hostages, who was so named because he would niall anything that moved. (Haha, get it?) The article notes that "many famous African-Americans [have] Irish heritage, including President Barack Obama and award-winning author Alice Walker." Also, many unfamous African-Americans have Irish heritage, because back in the slavery era there was a whole lot of raping going on. Anyway, this will surely be a great ice-breaker at the kegger President Obama is hosting tomorrow night. It will also provide further fuel for your racist uncle who has always said that the Irish "are just as bad as the blacks."

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Obama's Meeting With Henry Louis Gates: The Pour

Alex Balk — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 09:45:38 +0000

It is truly a testament to this nation's inability to focus on anything lacking a celebrity component that the quotidian story of a black man arrested for being surly in his own home continues to get major coverage well over a week after the initial event. As the President prepares to host Henry Louis Gates and the Cambridge police officer who collared him at a White House summit meeting, the press is asking the important question: What beer is he going to serve?

Does the president choose a lager for Thursday's gathering? A porter? Maybe a wheat beer? Does he pick something light to help the men with the Washington, D.C., summer heat?

Whatever the president picks, it is likely to be closely watched and could even help propel a lesser-known beer into the mainstream.

This is indeed a serious issue. As we learned, the White House does not stock foreign ales, so it'll have to be a good old American quaff. As someone whose knowledge of beer has expanded ever since I started to feel that searing pain in my abdomen each time I had a sip of bourbon, I have a few suggestions.

Sierra Nevada Not Pale Enough Ale
Yuengling Uppity Lager
Celis Whitey
Anchor Steam Lippy Porter
Saranac Summer Cuff Wheat
Samuel Adams Boston History Of Racial Intolerance Manifested In Violence And Intimidation Bock
Coors

I think any one of these would set the tone for rapprochement and finally help heal this nation's terrible racial divide until the next incident, which will probably happen within a week or two. But I'm not an expert; you may have a better option.

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The Henry Louis Gates Tapes Dribble Out

Alex Balk — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 14:45:44 +0000

The Cambridge Police Department has released audio of the 911 call that lead to Henry Louis Gates' arrest and portions of the conversation between the investigating officer and dispatch. What do we learn? Well, according to one commenter at the Boston Globe, "These tapes are his Achilles heel, it is a great day and will show that people such as him, Jackson, and Sharpton are more and more wrong every day." The rest of you may be a little less certain. (Meanwhile, in case you missed it, please read this Stanley Fish piece from Friday. The last two paragraphs are pretty great.)

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