The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:50:48 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Saul Alinsky's Lesser Known Rules for Radicals http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/saul-alinskys-lesser-known-rules-for-radicals http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/saul-alinskys-lesser-known-rules-for-radicals#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:50:48 +0000 Abe Sauer http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/saul-alinskys-lesser-known-rules-for-radicals Rule 23: Always separate your cause buttons for easier reading.

Rule 24: Layer for warmth.

Rule 25: "Birth of a Nation" is a great pre-action psych-up film no matter the political faction.

Rule 26: Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Also, vomit is an acceptable protest projectile.

Rule 27: Ridicule is the most potent weapon you can use as a commenter on Brooklyn Vegan.

Rule 28: By substituting a Panera Bread's® Half Smoked Turkey Breast Sandwich on Country Miche with Steak Chili for full Frontega Chicken® Panini on Focaccia, you'll save 370 calories.

Rule 29: Picking a widely held nugget of conventional wisdom and then constructing an essay all about why it is completely wrong is good for pageviews.

Rule 30: If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, it goes down.

Rule 31: Never tip less than 15%.

Rule 32: In Chicago, Tavern on Rush is where you go to be seen eating a steak. The Chop House on West Ontario is where to go to eat a godamn steak.

Rule 33: If you have a big penis, always find a way to work it into the conversation. You will increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty amongst your enemies. Plus, if anyone challenges you on the claim, you have a golden opportunity to prove it. Nobody has ever disliked a guy with a huge penis.

Rule 34: Never wear black with brown.

Rule 35: You can never go wrong blaming the media. Don't worry about alienating them. They are deranged cannibals and will always come back for more.

Rule 36: Combining a Taco Bell and a Pizza Hut is a perfect tactic to reach two consumer groups without doubling your fixed expenses.

Rule 37: If it's your first demonstration, you must toss back the tear gas.


Abe Sauer is the author of the book How to be: North Dakota. He is on Twitter. Email him at abesauer @ gmail.com.

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]]> Rule 23: Always separate your cause buttons for easier reading.

Rule 24: Layer for warmth.

Rule 25: "Birth of a Nation" is a great pre-action psych-up film no matter the political faction.

Rule 26: Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Also, vomit is an acceptable protest projectile.

Rule 27: Ridicule is the most potent weapon you can use as a commenter on Brooklyn Vegan.

Rule 28: By substituting a Panera Bread's® Half Smoked Turkey Breast Sandwich on Country Miche with Steak Chili for full Frontega Chicken® Panini on Focaccia, you'll save 370 calories.

Rule 29: Picking a widely held nugget of conventional wisdom and then constructing an essay all about why it is completely wrong is good for pageviews.

Rule 30: If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, it goes down.

Rule 31: Never tip less than 15%.

Rule 32: In Chicago, Tavern on Rush is where you go to be seen eating a steak. The Chop House on West Ontario is where to go to eat a godamn steak.

Rule 33: If you have a big penis, always find a way to work it into the conversation. You will increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty amongst your enemies. Plus, if anyone challenges you on the claim, you have a golden opportunity to prove it. Nobody has ever disliked a guy with a huge penis.

Rule 34: Never wear black with brown.

Rule 35: You can never go wrong blaming the media. Don't worry about alienating them. They are deranged cannibals and will always come back for more.

Rule 36: Combining a Taco Bell and a Pizza Hut is a perfect tactic to reach two consumer groups without doubling your fixed expenses.

Rule 37: If it's your first demonstration, you must toss back the tear gas.


Abe Sauer is the author of the book How to be: North Dakota. He is on Twitter. Email him at abesauer @ gmail.com.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/saul-alinskys-lesser-known-rules-for-radicals/feed 2 Insane FDNY Brawl Takes Place After Dinner at Unattractive Restaurant http://www.theawl.com/2010/02/insane-fdny-brawl-takes-place-at-unattractive-restaurant http://www.theawl.com/2010/02/insane-fdny-brawl-takes-place-at-unattractive-restaurant#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 10:15:02 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2010/02/insane-fdny-brawl-takes-place-at-unattractive-restaurant THEY TOOK OUT THE TRASH"Walk in the door and you are transported to another place and time... Ambiance? Hmm... the lack of ambiance is the ambiance, but in a good way," begins a review of Two Toms restaurant in Brooklyn. After a dinner there, on Friday night, two dozen firefighters, out for their annual dinner, beat four civilians to a pulp because one of the civilians spilled a drink. This was at The Salty Dog ("I love when vehicles are indoors, hence the half of firetruck that is inside.") Other reviews suggest that Two Tom's is not a good date restaurant. "The only thing is the neighborhood can seem sketchy so make sure you are not walking to/from the train late night if you are a girl or with a girl. Probably a good idea to leave them at home anyway because the place has zero aesthetic appeal and it can turn them off quickly if they are medium maintenance or higher."

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]]> THEY TOOK OUT THE TRASH"Walk in the door and you are transported to another place and time... Ambiance? Hmm... the lack of ambiance is the ambiance, but in a good way," begins a review of Two Toms restaurant in Brooklyn. After a dinner there, on Friday night, two dozen firefighters, out for their annual dinner, beat four civilians to a pulp because one of the civilians spilled a drink. This was at The Salty Dog ("I love when vehicles are indoors, hence the half of firetruck that is inside.") Other reviews suggest that Two Tom's is not a good date restaurant. "The only thing is the neighborhood can seem sketchy so make sure you are not walking to/from the train late night if you are a girl or with a girl. Probably a good idea to leave them at home anyway because the place has zero aesthetic appeal and it can turn them off quickly if they are medium maintenance or higher."

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2010/02/insane-fdny-brawl-takes-place-at-unattractive-restaurant/feed 31 How To Dispose of Dead Pets in New York City http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/how-to-dispose-of-dead-pets-in-new-york-city http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/how-to-dispose-of-dead-pets-in-new-york-city#comments Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:48:03 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/how-to-dispose-of-dead-pets-in-new-york-city SADDid you know that if you call New York City's 311 line because your pet is dead, they will tell you that you can "place the animal in a trash bag clearly marked 'dead dog' or 'dead cat' out with your garbage on your normal trash pickup day"? Good to know!

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]]> SADDid you know that if you call New York City's 311 line because your pet is dead, they will tell you that you can "place the animal in a trash bag clearly marked 'dead dog' or 'dead cat' out with your garbage on your normal trash pickup day"? Good to know!

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