Posts tagged as Gordon Brown
The Race To Run Knifecrime Island Ends For Gordon Brown
"We are watching the dying moments of the Labour administration," said a BBC correspondent some moments ago. And we've been watching, some of us, for most of the day. Gordon Brown is expected to step out momentarily and announce that once he has been informed that a deal between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats is in place (there are all sorts of scenarios being bandied about) he will head to Buckingham Palace and tell the lady with the dogs that he's stepping down as Prime Minister of Knifecrime Island. If I have to stare at that lectern in front of that black door for any longer I am going to go crazy. And yet: This has been kind of amazing to follow. It has been, I don't know, fun, even? Every gesture analyzed, every movement scrutinized for deeper import... it's democracy (or some form of it) in action! And here he comes. And there he goes.
The Tragedy Of Gordon Brown
On the third of May, the final Monday before voters cast their ballots in The Race To Run Knifecrime Island, Gordon Brown delivered a speech at London's Methodist Central Hall on the values and beliefs which he and his Labour Party had fought for throughout his life, particularly during his time in office. It was a passionate appeal for fairness and social justice that was roundly regarded as the greatest speech of Gordon Brown's career. The only problem was that it was a speech by Gordon Brown. READ MORE
Gordon Brown To Resign
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown will step down as leader of the Labour Party and Knifecrime Island. "He announced that Nick Clegg had just told him he wanted to begin formal talks with Labour. The PM said he thought it was 'in the interests of the whole country to form a progressive coalition government.'"
Flailing Labour Party Struck By World's Most Obvious Analogy
To Britain, where beleaguered Prime Minister Gordon Brown just cannot catch a break: "The launch of a new Labour poster campaign was interrupted by a car crash close to where cabinet members were giving their speeches." Apparently a Volkswagen Golf tried to avoid garbage truck and wound up hitting a bus shelter. In perhaps the only bit of good news the Labour party will receive during the duration of The Race To Run Knifecrime Island, "the Golf's driver, unemployed Omed Rashid, 27, said he would be voting Labour next Thursday." Labour strategist/Business Secretary Peter Mandelson denied that the crash was a metaphor for the party's campaign, but that's probably only accurate in that no one was injured and the whole thing did not end with a gigantic fireball.
British Leader Demonstrates World's Saddest Facepalm
With little more than a week remaining in The Race to Run Knifecrime Island, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, whose Labour party is running a disappointing third in the polls, has somehow managed to make things worse after being caught on a live microphone referring to an elderly voter who had asked him a question about immigration as a "bigoted woman," which, whatever its degree of truth or falsity, is not something you want to have out there, particularly in a country where the papers alternate reports of knife-wielding yobs in hoodies robbing pensioners with stories about illegal immigrants who only take time off from stealing British jobs to rape British women. Making matters even more fatal for Brown, an interview in which he "apologized profusely" for the remarks offered perhaps the worst optics of the campaign thus far. Watch the (sadly unembeddable) video and check out his body language as he listens to the playback; this is pretty clearly a beaten man. There's something almost tragic about it. But also funny. READ MORE
The Race to Run Knifecrime Island: The Second Debate
I am still convinced that Britain's adoption of American-style leadership debates is destroying whatever good is left to that nation of unwashed miscreants-and may even be responsible for the worrying downward spiral in successful knife crime completions-but I watched the whole thing yesterday and came away with several revelations, not the least of which is that if I had to live on an island where I were subject to Gordon Brown's dour Scottish baritone on a regular basis I would be glassing people until the whole country ran out of stemware. READ MORE
UK General Election To End Stabbingly
Knifecrime Island Stabber-In-Chief Gordon "One-Eye" Brown went off to the Queen for her permission to dissolve Parliament, and now the elections are on for May 6. Most are predicting a hung Parliament (you can learn what that means here!), and it's not unlikely that the Conservatives will win a narrow majority; also, they are running on a platform of "hope" and "change." (That means something different in England, though, since they're already a socialist monarchy.) The English are excited, of course: "Quick! Gordon Brown is in Kent! Lets go raid his fridge!!" is how the kinder Twitters are going. (Fridge is slang for "face" and raid is slang for "stab.")
CGI Gordon Brown Slaps People Around
The geniuses at Apple Action News (you may remember their work from this or this) have weighed in on the allegations of bullying by British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The way he manhandles his secretary here is VERY DISTURBING!
Knifecrime Island Chief Eschews Blades For Fists
Skip ahead to the 7:30 mark of this video to see the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland deny that he has ever hit, shoved, or thrown anything at a member of his staff. The questions come after revelations in an excerpt from a new book about the Labour party in government which includes allegations of lapel grabbing, secretary dragging, upholstery damaging, and always always The Swearing. Whether Gordon Brown's volcanic temper did, in fact, result in this kind of abusive behavior-and the chief executive of Britain's National Bullying Helpline subsequently asserted that, "I have personally taken a call from staff in the Prime Minister's office, staff who believe they are working in a bullying culture and that it has caused them some stress,"-the Prime Minister's suggestion that the country wants someone who will "push things forward" might not have been the most politic choice of words.
If Gordon Brown Wasn't Depressed Already, He Probably Is Now
Here is a clip of the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland being asked on that nation's most important political program whether or not he is, as has been rumored on the Internet, on prescription medication for depression. As television moments go it's certainly no Paxman vs. Howard, but it's still kind of incredible.
