Do you know what everyone is eating? The English breakfast. That's right: "Lately, that morning meal has become all the rage in New York," says New York. English breakfast should not to be confused with the Irish breakfast, which comes with "black pudding" (that's congealed blood!) and "white pudding" (that's fat and oatmeal, essentially). Why aren't you stuffing your face with sausage right now, you bollockey bastard bloater?

This Gap baby coat will choke your infant to death. This crib will strangle it. Now you know what I am getting my pregnant friends for Christmas before these products are yanked off the market.