The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:11:54 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Hasbro Wants Children (For War and Cheap Labor) http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/hasbro-wants-children-for-war-and-cheap-labor http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/hasbro-wants-children-for-war-and-cheap-labor#comments Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:11:54 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/hasbro-wants-children-for-war-and-cheap-labor GI HOFrom to time to time, a friend and I play the "Worst Press Release of the Day" game. Well, we have a winner today! It involves Dennis Quaid and Hasbro and the Marines and how for a shocking two-week long period, for every GI JOE: RISE OF COBRA toy you buy then, they will also donate one of these garbage toys to some small and poor child whose only hope of a future job is to... join the Marines! Or work in some overseas Hasbro plastic toy company.

Be a Hero and Help Deliver the Magic of the Holidays to Less Fortunate Children PAWTUCKET, R.I.–(Business Wire)– Over 14 million children live in poverty in the United States. They need a hero this holiday season and here to answer the call of duty is the G.I. JOE brand from Hasbro, Inc. (NYSE: HAS). Hasbro's G.I. JOE brand, the Marine Toys for Toys Foundation and actor Dennis Quaid are joining forces to help make this holiday season a little brighter for less fortunate children. For every G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra toy purchased at stores from November 11 through November 26 (Veteran's Day through Thanksgiving), Hasbro will donate a new toy (up to 300,000 toys with a minimum $3.99 value) to Toys for Tots. Actor Dennis Quaid, who plays 'GENERAL HAWK' in the 2009 blockbuster film G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra, from Paramount Pictures and Spyglass Entertainment, in association with Hasbro, will voice a national radio spot, due to premier on Veteran's Day, November 11, to help raise awareness for this campaign and the positive impact The U.S. Marines and Toys for Tots make on the lives of children.
Hoo boy. Where to start even!

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]]> GI HOFrom to time to time, a friend and I play the "Worst Press Release of the Day" game. Well, we have a winner today! It involves Dennis Quaid and Hasbro and the Marines and how for a shocking two-week long period, for every GI JOE: RISE OF COBRA toy you buy then, they will also donate one of these garbage toys to some small and poor child whose only hope of a future job is to... join the Marines! Or work in some overseas Hasbro plastic toy company.

Be a Hero and Help Deliver the Magic of the Holidays to Less Fortunate Children PAWTUCKET, R.I.–(Business Wire)– Over 14 million children live in poverty in the United States. They need a hero this holiday season and here to answer the call of duty is the G.I. JOE brand from Hasbro, Inc. (NYSE: HAS). Hasbro's G.I. JOE brand, the Marine Toys for Toys Foundation and actor Dennis Quaid are joining forces to help make this holiday season a little brighter for less fortunate children. For every G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra toy purchased at stores from November 11 through November 26 (Veteran's Day through Thanksgiving), Hasbro will donate a new toy (up to 300,000 toys with a minimum $3.99 value) to Toys for Tots. Actor Dennis Quaid, who plays 'GENERAL HAWK' in the 2009 blockbuster film G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra, from Paramount Pictures and Spyglass Entertainment, in association with Hasbro, will voice a national radio spot, due to premier on Veteran's Day, November 11, to help raise awareness for this campaign and the positive impact The U.S. Marines and Toys for Tots make on the lives of children.
Hoo boy. Where to start even!

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/11/hasbro-wants-children-for-war-and-cheap-labor/feed 37 Flicked Off: G.I. Joe http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/flicked-off-gi-joe http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/flicked-off-gi-joe#comments Mon, 10 Aug 2009 12:00:01 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/flicked-off-gi-joe SIENNA MILLER I DON'T KNOWGI Joe is a movie about an ugly girl who is mechanically brainwashed to hate her dumb boyfriend. The ugly girl is played by a former model. The dumb boyfriend is sooo dumb. She is brain-washed by a snooty downtown actor named Joseph Gordon Levitt who used to have a huge art-school hipster attitude and I wonder if he still can pull that off after appearing in this sweating trash heap of a dirty catbox of a movie. This film made me yearn for the forthcoming masterpiece called Viewmaster. But most importantly, beyond issues such as the Speed Racer level of characterization, what happened to Sienna Miller's face? She looks like a bloated, patchy, puffy, rubberized, unhappy version of Demi Moore, who has almost exactly two decades on her. Does the expensive CGI not work on lady-face? The one thing she is supposed to do in this movie is look hot while she shoots guns. She cannot.

I'm sorry, I know this seems sexist! But she is supposed to be the hot chick in an action movie, that is her job description, and she is so shockingly unsexy, strutting stiffly around whilst stuffed in her cat suit like an eggplant with implants.

So this is described as a "fly-over" movie. As proof, here is a picture of the 1100+-seat Ziegfeld Theater in New York City, at about 9:45 p.m., for the 10 p.m. screening.
Ziegfeld TheaterNot oddly enough, there were fewer people in the theater during the second half of the movie than the first. "Can I go?" whispered one of my two dates. "Yes, yes!" I said. "Save yourself!" He ran out of the theater as fast as possible.

Also! There was a preview for M Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. Everyone laughed at it! The guy behind us, who had a bunch of Coors Lights and kept belching, was like, "WHO WAS THE FIRST AIRBENDER?"

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]]> SIENNA MILLER I DON'T KNOWGI Joe is a movie about an ugly girl who is mechanically brainwashed to hate her dumb boyfriend. The ugly girl is played by a former model. The dumb boyfriend is sooo dumb. She is brain-washed by a snooty downtown actor named Joseph Gordon Levitt who used to have a huge art-school hipster attitude and I wonder if he still can pull that off after appearing in this sweating trash heap of a dirty catbox of a movie. This film made me yearn for the forthcoming masterpiece called Viewmaster. But most importantly, beyond issues such as the Speed Racer level of characterization, what happened to Sienna Miller's face? She looks like a bloated, patchy, puffy, rubberized, unhappy version of Demi Moore, who has almost exactly two decades on her. Does the expensive CGI not work on lady-face? The one thing she is supposed to do in this movie is look hot while she shoots guns. She cannot.

I'm sorry, I know this seems sexist! But she is supposed to be the hot chick in an action movie, that is her job description, and she is so shockingly unsexy, strutting stiffly around whilst stuffed in her cat suit like an eggplant with implants.

So this is described as a "fly-over" movie. As proof, here is a picture of the 1100+-seat Ziegfeld Theater in New York City, at about 9:45 p.m., for the 10 p.m. screening.
Ziegfeld TheaterNot oddly enough, there were fewer people in the theater during the second half of the movie than the first. "Can I go?" whispered one of my two dates. "Yes, yes!" I said. "Save yourself!" He ran out of the theater as fast as possible.

Also! There was a preview for M Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. Everyone laughed at it! The guy behind us, who had a bunch of Coors Lights and kept belching, was like, "WHO WAS THE FIRST AIRBENDER?"

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/flicked-off-gi-joe/feed 20 'G.I. Joe' Will Come To Audiences Fresh http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/gi-joe-will-come-to-audiences-fresh http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/gi-joe-will-come-to-audiences-fresh#comments Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:25:27 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/gi-joe-will-come-to-audiences-fresh How will he pay for his medical care?Paramount has declined to screen G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra for critics in advance of the film's Friday release date. The studio says "it's intentionally aiming the movie at the heartland, at cities and audiences outside the entertainment vortexes of New York and Los Angeles," and it doesn't want critical perceptions of director Stephen Sommers' powerful meditation on the tragic costs of war for one infantryman whose struggles with post-traumatic stress syndrome are exacerbated by his loss of health insurance to frighten away audiences who might worry that the movie is too dark.

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]]> How will he pay for his medical care?Paramount has declined to screen G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra for critics in advance of the film's Friday release date. The studio says "it's intentionally aiming the movie at the heartland, at cities and audiences outside the entertainment vortexes of New York and Los Angeles," and it doesn't want critical perceptions of director Stephen Sommers' powerful meditation on the tragic costs of war for one infantryman whose struggles with post-traumatic stress syndrome are exacerbated by his loss of health insurance to frighten away audiences who might worry that the movie is too dark.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/gi-joe-will-come-to-audiences-fresh/feed 13