Do you have the (perfectly reasonable) fear of dentistry that makes any mentions thereof a terrifying and unpleasant intrusion on your psyche and well-being? If so, I would advise you to steer clear of the Internet for the rest of the day, because there is a very disturbing story out there you will find it best to avoid. The rest of you sick bastards can click here, but you disgust me.
"German Wildlife Expert: The Easter Bunny is Freezing to Death"
"Here in the homeland of schadenfreude, the zeal for unmasking academic frauds also reflects certain Teutonic traits, including a rigid adherence to principle and a know-it-all streak. 'I just think that many Germans have a police gene in their genetic makeup,' Dr. Rieble said."
"A bizarre calendar of men posing in their underpants with classic 1970s cars is proving an unlikely success in Germany."
"Two German illustrators have visualized the most important facts about the US presidential election using burgers and fries, the stereotypical American meal. The playful images are packed with both calories and information. They also betray a few differences in how fast food is eaten in Europe."
"The Munich Oktoberfest ended on Sunday after two weeks of beer-fuelled revelry that led to a total of 4,500 items being handed in to the lost property office at the site, including two wedding rings, a hearing aid and two French horns. Unlike in previous years, however, the list did not include false teeth, usually a firm fixture in the inventory of lost items. For those who take a keen interest in Oktoberfest statistics — one reason for the decline in dentures is believed to be the improvement in adhesives over the years. Among other items found was a copy of Playboy magazine signed by a model featured in [...]
"For days last week, officials in a German city deployed rubber dinghies, divers and even helicopters in search of an alleged stray crocodile. Now the authorities in Schwandorf believe the reptile was really just a beaver."
"I did not learn to cook, either. Instead I have become a superior dinner guest. I am wonderful to have at your side while you cook, particularly if you give me a glass of wine, and also to have sit at your table, because I will appreciate your food in a deep, emotional and highly verbal way." —Awl pal Jami Attenberg reminds us that the key ingredient in chicken noodle soup is "guilt." In other news, her wonderful novel The Middlesteins has been picked up by German publishing company Schoffling & Co. It's fun to imagine the conversations at the office about how to handle the retitling of [...]
"The German Herald reports that men serving in the elite Wachbataillon unit of the German army are developing breasts on their left pectorals. A doctor who is treating the men says that their trademark close-order drill is at fault, as it has the men repeatedly, violently slamming their guns into the left side of their chest, stimulating mammary growth."
The first in a pair of essays today on being an expat in Berlin.
When I first moved to Berlin this summer, there was a big piece of graffiti in the courtyard next to my front door. "Tourists fuck off," it said, in cheerful blue spray paint. It didn't really bother me at first—I wasn't a tourist, I was moving here; I speak German and have a German passport. And who loves tourists anyways? In New York, where I'd lived for the past six years, hating on tourists was part of what defined you as a New Yorker. Being rude to slow-walking Scandinavians wasn't just a way of [...]
"Men have issues too, though it's a perspective that is rarely mentioned in the debate over gender equality. Germany's family minister is holding a conference next week on challenges males face — including the work-family balance and lower life expectancy — next week in Berlin. Feminists are unlikely to be amused." —But isn't that always the case?
"The Munich Oktoberfest may be heading for a new beer-guzzling record this year after 3.6 million liters were downed in the first week alone. But the number of people passing out or losing their children is up as well."
"I hold my BlackBerry primed and ready, and as soon as I see something, I start typing." —Deaf German Twitter user Julia Probst explains the process by which she "reads the lips of both players and coaches" during soccer matches "and passes along their wisdom to her growing legion of followers."
Photo by fstockfoto, via Shutterstock
Two friends of mine of got in an argument once while they were on mushrooms about which of them liked weather more. It went on for hours, which surely felt like days or months at the time. And, in fact, feels like an eternity to some people who know them and still have to hear about it now, decades later. Safe to assume, though, that neither of them likes weather as much as "weather enthusiast and photographer" Martin Rietze, who took this time lapse video from sunset to sunrise atop Germany's tallest mountain, the Zugspitze. The music that accompanies it makes you feel like you're in a spa [...]
"Newspaper headlines have reflected the desperation of many depressed German residents, lamenting 'Where Is Spring?' and 'When Will Winter Finally End?'"
"Police forced their way into an apartment in Germany after hearing what they described as a "child-like voice" calling for its mother and father. Instead of an abandoned toddler, they found a cheerful and very talkative parrot."
"Germany plans to slap a fine of up to 25,000 euros on people having sexual relations with pets, but zoophiles plan to fight the move. They say there's nothing wrong with consensual sex and that the true violations of animal rights are taking place in the farming industry."
Because of what happened in the first half of the 20th Century, Germany has some laws against Nazi activity. While such laws would never be tolerated in the United States, because of our precious freedoms to be full-time jerks whenever we want, Twitter is now censoring these littlest Nazis within German borders while letting their important tweets appear in the rest of the world. "Never want to withhold content; good to have tools to do it narrowly and transparently," Twitter's robot lawyer said. It's a first for the global service that lets people type silly little things instead of doing work.
"Aided by a fox and a wild boar, three kangaroos got through two fences and hopped to freedom from a wildlife park in Germany. They traveled 15 kilometers before a police posse closed in on them."
