"David Foxley started the prep company Jack Foxley to service all men whose well-worn sweaters and jackets are in need of some love." —Well. There you have it. But in all seriousness, these sew-'em-yourself elbow patches look great! They even have them in neon ultrasuede… girlfriend!

The letter the U.S. government sends you when they kick you out of the Army for being gay? It says "You admitted publicly that you are a homosexual, which constitutes homosexual conduct." Yes! Speech acts are back, hello 80s! You don't even have to go down on that dude.

You should really have a look at the New York City campaign to get gay people to come to New York. (Yeah, like they're not already all here? Have you been outside today? It's overdressed Jews for Passover and gays gays gays.) Oh, it is highly embarrassing, this "RAINBOW PILGRIMAGE" of which they speak. They have a gay calendar for every day! Tomorrow: "Boys Gone Wild + I Love NY" and "Macy's Annual Flower Show." Also "pilgrimage" is weird with its religious overtones. Why don't they just call it a gay hajj?

Congratulations to Tommy Hilfiger's latest, appearing in this month's GQ. My God, who puts a sweater over his shoulders when he's not even wearing a shirt? And why are those croquet balls mixing it up with those golf balls? Why is it hot enough to play croquet shirtless but cold enough to play golf with a blazer over some kind of warm-up zippie thing? Why are they dressing all Savannah and Palm Beach, all pastel and sockless, in what is clearly New England, due to the vegetation? Why did the gardeners do such a terrible job on that grass? And is it or is it not white shoe season? [...]

Here is a helpful roundup of men skiing in neon thongs, also referred to as "man-kinis."

I can't believe I care but also I don't understand why we can't get Heather Locklear on the new Melrose Place. Why? Is she still crying over the death of LAX, my favorite bad TV show about an airport? Is she super-busy with her probation and her DMV "safe driving" class? I just am not really going to watch it without her, and I speak for all gays over the age of 32 when I say this, SO PREPARE TO FEEL THE PAIN, "THE CW."

My goodness, apparently there is a new Depeche Mode album today, complete with hilarious single. (That is not so good! And I say this as someone who actually enjoyed the previous album.) But I guess at this point they are basically Pink Floyd for homos.