The Awl

50 Cent Wants In On Cee-Lo's Action, Will Take His Gold Digger

Dave Bry — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 14:10:59 +0000

"Ironically, this week the Pajamas Media site ran a piece reporting that Egyptian Islamic scholar and self-proclaimed jihadist Abd al-Muti Bayum has condemned the 'Ground Zero mosque' as a devious 'Zionist conspiracy' to discredit Islam by linking it to the September 11 attacks. This was cited as an argument against the Cordoba Center. This is strange logic: the center shouldn't be built because radical Islamists will like it.... or because they will hate it." That's Reason's Cathy Young, whose colleague Radley Balko gave us such a good angle on the "NYC Terror Mosque" controversy last week.

This thing has had me very upset lately. I'm worried that they're going to preemptively "move" this thing that does not and might not ever exist, and that that's going to send the same kind of message to the world as George Bush's re-election in 2004. Basically, this. Which is not the message I think we should be sending.

And I'm all wringing my hands and spitting when I talk about it and mad at Obama for soft-pedaling and feeling like sending that same message back to the people who oppose the mosque.

But then I read this interview with Muslim rapper Lupe Fiasco wherein he comes across as far more accepting of the other side's viewpoint that anything I can muster, and it makes me feel stupid. But I still really hope they build it where it's planned.

Also, 50 Cent has already recorded a rap over the super new Cee-Lo song everybody loves so much. It's a response, from the rich-guy jerk's perspective, calling out Cee-Lo for crying sour-grapes. And there's a new video for it, too, adding the verse to the original's excellent typography treatment. It's kinda great.

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Cee-Lo, "Forget You" (Spoiler: Not As Good As "F**k You")

Choire Sicha — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 10:00:15 +0000

If you'd like to hear the radio-friendly version of Cee-Lo's "Forget You," which is the version of "Fuck You" that the world is allowed to hear on the airwaves, go to Trevor Green's BBC show and fast-forward to minute 52. It really kind of doesn't work. Radio! You have to wonder why it exists sometimes.

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How To Cook A Fucking Steak

Alex Balk — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:13:45 +0000

Go to the goddamn grocery and get steak. Yes, the grocery. A little ammonia is not going to kill you, you pussy. You want to be all fancy and grass-fed and environmentally conscious, go ahead, I don't give a shit, just get a fucking steak. Ribeye is good. And, yes, bone-in. Schmuck. Take the steak home. Get a bigass frying pan and put the shit on the stove, cranking the heat up as far as that fucker will go. Take a shitload of salt-rocksalt, you dumb motherfucker, none of that fine-grained crap here—and toss it around the bottom of the pan. When the pan is hot as all fuck—it should scorch the shit out of your finger if you're stupid enough to touch it—put the fucking steak on there. You can crack some pepper on the top of the steak as the bottom is searing, but don't even talk to me about garlic or onion powder or COMPOUND FUCKING BUTTER, asshole. This is steak, all you fucking need is salt and pepper. After a bit (3 minutes for pink, 5 for cooked good), flip that shit over and do the same fucking thing you just did with the other side, i.e. sit on your ass and wait for your motherfucking steak to be ready, you useless assbag. When you're done, sling that shit on a plate. Beringer's 1996 Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley Private Reserve makes an absolutely delightful accompaniment, particularly if you've taken care to let it breathe a bit before quaffing. Also, make some fucking potatoes, because that's what you eat with a fucking steak. God, sometimes I just want to smack the shit out of you.

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Funemployment: Say Hi To Jobless People Who Are Better Than You

Alex Balk — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 09:16:45 +0000

"Funemployment" was a mildly irritating coinage back about 8 months ago when people started losing their jobs in earnest; now it's a subject for wacky trend pieces by network news organizations who, staring at the terrible jobless numbers, are starting to freak out and look for any kind of "bright side" report they can deliver to help forestall a revolution against capitalism. Anyway, did you know that, unlike those of us whose panic over lost wages and limited opportunities has resulted in growing alcoholism, strained relationships, and physical manifestations of serious stress including but not limited to acne eruptions, hypertension, deep depression, and ulcers, there are some people who are using their "time off" to surf or just hang out with their friends? It's true! Meet the Funemployed: Their carefree attitudes and healthy ways of handling the unfortunate situation of being made redundant should totally cheer us all!

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