This epidemic of easy-to-manipulate "arty" images infesting our blogs and our Facebook pages is way out of control. And it's not just photography. Take a look at the Vimeo HD channel.

Every trick in the book is showing up in pretty much every photograph and video these days. Super-limited depth of field! Film emulation! Diffraction! Long exposures, tilt-shifting, faux Polaroid, high contrast, faux lomography! When was the last time you saw a video without a beautiful, sweeping time-lapse segment?

And you know what it all means? It means every picture and every video looks the same.

That's not to say they don't all look spectacular, and the videos, in particular, definitely show "craft"! Like that's actual work, for the most part.

There are times when processing and effects are coupled with talent and narrative and skill, sure! Like this video.

This is made doubly complicated because it's actually a movie about photography and a photographer. One thing he says is that he shoots like this because he wants to show things the way he sees them in his head. But artificial contrast and saturation aren't the way we see things in our head. The eye-eyes! There are two of them, and cameras only have one "eye," and they operate differently!-and the brain are not at all like the camera. And yet this is a pretty incredible film, but only because it's about something.

But we have learned to "think" in images this way. These are romantic and really somewhat infantile image techniques. They're childish and nostalgic. They're about sunny days and buzzing bees and reading books on a porch, and about road trips and romanticizing urban grime and being oh so gently alienated.

And really, it's gross.

The good news, or at least the retrograde news, is that there are Flickr groups like Cross Processing–FILM ONLY, of all-analog photography. And the always-active I Shoot Film and Film is not Dead!!.

Online at web resolution, though, can you tell the difference between film effects and digital effects? Sometimes, yes, you can! That's because the actual analog film effects aren't as "interesting" as the quicky digital ones. They aren't as thrilling to the eye. They're not as cheaply emotionally evocative. They're just pictures.

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Yeah, what this image doesn't capture is the moment DNC chair Tim Kaine tried to slip a twenty into Barack's waistband.

As a condition of aid, any nation in need has to agree to send their First Ladies — that's Elizabeth Preval of Haiti, above, and Ada Papandreou of Greece, below — to spend time in the Michelle Obama Kiss and Cry Room. (The degree to which each is turned to Michelle demonstrates their relative indebtedness.)

Yep. Someone let Obama wander too near the Lincoln portrait again!

Obama leaves his left-handed graffiti tag on some clean wall. So tough shit, gentrifiers.

Jeesh, what is with Rahm's purple pullover? Is that a loaner from Axelrod?

Seriously, who else gets their picture taken, going over paperwork?

When the White House wants to get a counter-cultural figure that's neither clean nor articulate, they get Bob Dylan.

Boehner and Obama discuss melanin.

BOEHNER: "Yeah, well it takes me this many trips to the tanning salon to achieve this rich, blood-orange color."

Here's how the Pete Souza "Hero, Pensively Framed" magic happens.

White House doctor Jeffrey Kuhlman, seen here tooling around in the "spare limousine," obviously needs a lesson from Sebelius on how to keep from spreading his goddamn germs around.

This is what Tim Geithner looks like when he is flirting. Now you know how that works.

What? Peter Orszag wears cowboy boots? Did he lose a bet or something?

Obama's personal aide is "Reggie Love." He doesn't just SOUND like a hot athletic star, he IS a hot athletic star. Joe Biden's personal aide, seen above, is "Fran Person" — if that is in fact his real name. But, uh, either way: suits him.

Meet Erskine Bowles and Alan K. Simpson, your National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform co-chairs. Hey, if those foreheads can't solve the financial crisis, whose forehead can?

Barack Obama meets with Leo McGarry.

Obama looks at pictures of people who have gotten high more than he has.

White House staffers pass the time on Air Force One playing Celebrity Password.

HARRY REID: "Yep, we're gonna pass health care reform by about THIS much."

Oh, America. Your second black president is still pretty white.

Uhm. Wow. Your move, Carla Bruni.

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Obama celebrates with his Fishing Czar over the fact that he "almost hooked a trout." Years, later, historians would reflect on how this eventually became a theme for his presidency.

If only there was a bust of Lincoln, to add some majesty.

Jesus. He's just cold visitin' every goddamn landmark in the country, like he's crossing them off his bucket list, or something. (Also: Fog, historians, "theme for his presidency.")

Jason: Yeah, go on and deny Pete Souza doorways. Steal away his windowpanes. Take from him screens and mirrors, the geometry of hallways, slats in blinds and chance peeks through portholes. It doesn't matter! HE WILL FIND A WAY TO FRAME OBAMA.

JASON: Come on. Aren't these types of shots doing more harm than good, now?
ANA: Pete Souza's just taking note that the halo light has dimmed. (cf. Historians, "theme for his Presidency")

LOOK. Nobody ever said that socialist indoctrination was going to be exciting.

Now Pete Souza is just letting random people pose in front of Obama's hooptie.

Jason: Just when you think a subject cannot be too prosaic for Pete Souza, we get this.
Ana: This photo explores what it is like to watch somebody watch Obama play golf.

Pete Souza is now just underneath the bleachers at Town Hall events, photographing asses.

Obama was never good at hide and seek.

ANA MARIE: In the Obama White House, the Indians always beat the Cowboys.

JASON: It's like there's that one room in the White House where a David Lynch movie is constantly happening.

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JASON: That is a short man.
ANA: Dmitry Medvedev is Dudley Moore! Oh, little man! I loved you in Bedazzled!
JASON: In Soviet Russia, moon and New York City gets caught between you!

In Moscow, two plates of warm spit were prepared so that Obama would not miss Joe Biden so much.

And so, the Council of Elrond was enjoined.

As it turns out, the Russian version of MEET THE PRESS is WAAAY more intimidating.

ANA: Oh, WH photog Pete Souza, with your funky ass perspective shot.
JASON: This looks like that X-Files episode on that boat. I keep expecting Gillian Anderson to run through the frame.
ANA: Robert Gibbs wishes Gillian Anderson would run through the frame!

ANA: Look! Dudley Moore is there! Obama got stuck with the Medvedev-sized glass.
JASON: In Russia, I wonder if you order coffee in Venti, Grande, and Medvedev sized.

ANA: AWWW.
JASON: Look at the cute office Medvedev has! For the pocket-sized puppet leader.
ANA: He's got a torchier lamp! And a neato booster seat!

JASON: Damn! Look at that! Why is Russian shit so much shinier than our shit?
ANA: Ehh, I think they get most of their furniture from Pottery Barn.

Medvedev tells Obama about the Tri-Wizard Tournament and all the spells he learned at Durmstrang.

JASON: "My mind had been enabled, in a memory you overflowed..."
ANA: Robert Gibbs is definitely the "Turtle" of this entourage.

ANA: Check out Mr. Foster Grants on the side.
JASON: It looks like Will Leitch! What is Will doing in Russia?
ANA: Starring in a 1970's Cold War porn, apparently!

JASON: Foreign military people: Why do they walk so jaunty?
ANA: Hey, in Russia, at least you don't have to "ask."

JASON: Jesus. Is that the Swiss Guard?
ANA: That is the Swiss Guard. They also have their own line of Happy Meals.
JASON: Find a plenary indulgence inside each one!

This looks like the start of bad Tony Kushner play, entitled: "HOLY SHIT, NAZI POPE! FLEE FLEE AWAY!"

Wow. We didn't know Skip Gates was so athletic.

No, no! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Health care lobbyists. [Not Pictured]

He totally throws like a Kenyan.

The Church of Latter Day Saints' Thomas Munson explains how the retroactive baptism thing sort of like a time-share dealie.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do: that is, meet a trio of half-assed historical re-enactors on the tarmac.

More bars, more places.

So THAT'S what happened to Tito the Builder!

Frames within crosses within frames with ghostly angel remnants floating in the distance, by Pete Souza.

JASON: We haven't talked a lot about Pete Souza's obsession with place settings.
ANA: These all look normal sized. I love how he has to be reminded that he went to the G8 to discuss "International Issues."

JASON: This looks like a Hieronymous Bosch painting.

ANA: Typical. Silvio Berlusconi is discussing how massive his cock is.

JASON: Is this a picture of Robert Gibbs, fresh out of the dunk tank?
ANA: No, this is in Italy. Though maybe they made Gibbs in the dunk tank there, too.

Obama finally appears in his own Verizon commercial.

Health care lobbyists wave to the President.

Barack Obama visits the Kenyan "President Mill" that the birthers are trying to warn us about.

Obama visits Ghana's Cape Coast Castle, constructed entirely from chips from the shoulders of angry blacks.

Wow. Can't make fun of that guy.

Yeah, but fuck these people.

Previously:
Someone's in the Kitchen with Mike Allen

The Case of the Crazy Runaway Apple

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ANA: I think that the Obamas have allowed Bo's lethal level of adorability to blind them to the truth.
JASON: They are outright lying about their dog!
ANA: Who told them Portuguese Water Dogs can't swim? Or that they like tomatoes? Where is Fox News on this?
JASON: Why hasn't Bill O'Reilly ambushed all the Portuguese Water Dogs? Why don't I own a Portuguese Bourbon Fetcher Dog?
ANA: Clearly, this administration does not keep its promises

JASON: How did the POLITICO fail to WIN THE AFTERNOON with the exciting news of the Estonian President's visit?
ANA: Where are they meeting? The Capitol Hill Hilton?

The first taste is always free!

ANA: How can the Obamas authentically relax with each other if White House photog Pete Souza is following them around?
JASON: It makes me wonder what shots Souza leaves in the darkroom.
ANA: That would imply that they are able to get really relaxed.

Opposite day, obviously.

We TOLD YOU about this Pete Souza and his desperate need to find "frames" to put Obama in. But that's how we roll: Speaking truth the White House commemorative photographers. And, by the way, SQUISHING YOUR HEAD, SQUISHING YOUR HEAD!

Some of you might want to know-for "research" purposes, of course-that the man in the foreground is Peter Orszag.

Every once in a while, President Obama just straight up forgets who the fuck Robert Gibbs is.

JASON: God, even Barack's gang tags are sort of lame!
ANA: It's like he got that off a Snapple lid.

Joe Biden, as always, reminding Hillary that his job is easier than hers and he gets paid more.

Not to harp on this, but again, MYSTERY FOOTBALL: Why haven't we heard about this? Is it possible that there can be an aspect of this man's life that we neither know nothing about, or at the very least, have had some shit made up about?

We can guarantee you that somewhere on this map is Obama's birthplace. (Note: Not a guarantee.)

The football mystery deepens! BECAUSE IT IS MOVING.

ANA: Do you think he was just pelting Steny Hoyer, with the football, for health care?
JASON: I know I would!

We had been trying very hard to avoid comment on the fruit bowls. Because JESUS THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. But Pete Souza won't let this go.

ANA: It's hard to believe how much power Rahm has.
JASON: And you are just referring to his pants, right?
ANA: Correct.

What secret message is he sending to the Jews now? That's he's erect? That word has several meanings!

Tim Geithner, contemplating his return to Rivendell.

Because he was especially good, Obama allows Joe Biden to touch him. JUST FOR A SECOND, THOUGH, HANDSY!

ANA: I always felt a little dirty saying there was a honey pot at the White House.
JASON: Are those killer bees Africanized or Muslimized.

Obama gets ready to pull out his Blackberry, by which we of course mean his penis.

OMGZ! OBAMA IS BEING THOUGHTFUL AS HARD AS HE CAN.

The official position from the White House is that this picture is in no way metaphorical.

But the "Obama and halo" shot probably is.

Legislative Affairs Director Phil Schiliro demonstrates another tactic the White House could use to convince Congress to pass health care reform.

Don't tell anyone, but that folder contains information on the super-secret mission that Obama gave the Uighurs.

There no artifice at all to the way Obama is always strategically chilling out by busts of Lincoln. None at all.

JASON: There it is! The teleprompter! The secret weapon no one in the GOP could have predicted!
ANA: I didn't know it was possible to take its picture!

Fortunately, the Secret Service intervened before Brian Williams could suck Bo's cock, too.

What, they can't already hear Joe Biden?

Everyone was really sad when the NBC News crew left. Who would suck their cocks now?

Can't make fun of Nancy Reagan, people. She's a sweetheart, and she's still sharp enough to know when she's being jacked around by Mitt Romney.

Obama waits for central casting to send the lamb and the manger.

OH NO! An apple has escaped from its bowl!

"Hey, is that ANOTHER bust of Lincoln? How'd that get here?"

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And that is where I was ACTUALLY born.

Reggie Love's sandals are the only shoes in this picture not secretly insulting the Jews.

Europe's Notre Dame surprisingly ok with Obama visit.

We're gonna leave the old man alone. He's a hero.

But fuck this guy.

"Way to go veterans, with the whole fighting for your country thing! And, uhm, AAYYYYYYYEEEEE...."

Charles Xavier warns that some of those terrorists CAN break out of SuperMax prisons!

Date night!

Little known fact: That baby is actually WW2 vet, aging backwards.

The first time you see "two girls, one cup" is always special.

The second time? Not so much.

Ana: This picture just makes me mad at [WH photographer] Pete Souza. Guy basically has access allowing him to go to the bathroom with Obama and he gives us this.
Jason: Yeah, fuck that guy.

Ana: And this is the kind of thing that would just embarrass me if he were my dad.
Jason: Yeah, fuck that guy.

Again with the bowing!

Ah, the traditional re-enactment of 'Ishtar.'

Not so "secret" any more, are we?????

Hey, Pete Souza, COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING?

Ah, THERE'S the birth certificate!

"Booger-check.... we're clear!"

David Axelrod points out — not for the first time — that just because Obama doesn't APPEAR to be paying attention doesn't mean that Biden is allowed to have the nuclear football.

Why are y'all bored??? It's the daily economic briefing! That shit is MAD FREAKY. It's like watching porn!

Obama's less subtle diss of the Jews.

One of many the series of "Obama Looking Thoughtful" pictures that Pete Souza is required by law to produce.

Admit it, you're thinking about cock.

Biden, literally measuring the drapes.

WTF PETE SOUZA?????

Harry Reid's "sex swing" is about as exciting as you'd expect.

One of these cellphones is courting a lawsuit from the AP.

Previously: The Annotated White House Flickr Pool

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