1. Will I put together a Halloween costume? And if so, will it involve an age-appropriate amount of fabric and/or racism? (Yes. Age-appropriate racism.)
2. Am I ever going to finish the Lorrie Moore book that came out like a month ago?
3. Am I ever going to make myself read that must-read New Yorker article on Texas executions that came out like a month ago?
4. Am I going to be able to resist seeing Saw VI again?
5. On Monday, am I going to read New York mag's investigative essay-report into their own popular Sex Diary feature? Answer: Yes, I am, because it is written by Wesley Yang. But that doesn't mean I'll like myself for it.

And you? Bored this weekend? Only boring people are bored! Here are the contributions of our fine columnists from this week, give 'em a whirl! Or okay, don't! You think I care? I DON'T CARE. Leave me alone! I have feelings too, you know. Fucker. Wait, I didn't meant it. Come back, guys… You guys? 75