A few months ago I had what I guess you would call a milestone birthday—although given the deliberately poor choices I have made over my lifetime, pretty much every birthday at this point is some sort of actuarial miracle. In any event, this flipping of the chronology to a suffix with a zero put me in a somewhat ruminative state: Maybe, I thought, I should do something nice for myself, instead of something bad to myself.

Now, I have many poor qualities—I drink too much, I am callous and indifferent to the feelings of those around me, I am quick to anger and deficient in patience, I have almost [...]

There is absolutely nothing I can add to this, so I will just leave it here that we may all marvel at its sheer amazingness.

My favorite part of this study-conducted at the behest of shoemakers Jeffrey West-on "the language of feet" is that Professor Geoffrey Beattie, who supervised the research, "was the resident psychologist on all nine Big Brother series." That is some serious expertise right there. Anyway, your takeaway here is that if a woman moves her feet toward you, it means she totally wants you to do it to her. So keep that in mind.

Here you will find a photo of a yam that looks like a foot.

It was just back at the end of August that the eighth foot was found. Now here is the ninth mysterious and Canadian severed foot. This one is in a boot! For the first time! And also has apparently been in water for a decade. And… "The autopsy did not show any toolmarks or impressions on the bones or any evidence to suggest the foot had been mechanically separated from the body. Like the others, it appears to have come off naturally as a result of having spent a long time in the water, the coroners office said." I dunno, what does it mean?

For all of you trying to crack the case of why feet keep turning up on the beaches of British Columbia, you can quit now. Spoiler: one man says all the feet killed themselves. (Except one! That one was an accident.) Well. This is uncomfortable.

"Tuesday’s discovery marks the eighth foot to be found on the B.C. coast since August 2007. Three more have washed up in nearby Washington…. All of the feet discovered so far have been in running shoes." —But who are missing the feet? Yeah, here's the Wikipedia page, Encyclopedia Brown. (via)