The pandemic is on! I'm not a religious man, so I'll probably just spend the Final Days raping and looting, but for those of you who have the solace of faith, start praying, 'cause we're ALL GONNA DIE.

Of course you're worried by the crazy pig disease from Mexico (where it is called "puerco loco"), but you probably haven't asked yourself the most important question about the whole affair: "Is Matt Drudge a National Hero?"