Another year, another exciting four hours of campy delight from our friends in Europe. On Saturday, Düsseldorf played host to the Eurovision Song Contest. This year featured more boy bands, more hair product, and more monocles than any other Eurovision. You read that right. Monocles.

If you're tragically unaware of the Eurovision Song Contest, the basic idea is this: participating countries in Europe and vaguely Europe-adjacent areas submit a song that has not been used previously for commercial purposes. Everyone performs, and Europe picks their favorite by a combination of popular vote and jury panel. You cannot vote for your own country, which means that voting quickly morphs into [...]

As if we needed one more reason to hate England and their current ruling monarch, the Empress of British Petroleum! They also inflicted 19-year-old Josh Dubovie on the Eurovision Song Contest, the most important global cultural event ever. He finished in… last place. Reasonably. Germany's unexpected first place though… Hmm. Lena Meyer-Landrut. Basically, Simon Cowell would stab her.

"For many, it might not seem like an error. But a misprint in a tourist pamphlet aimed at visitors to the Eurovision Song Contest, which will be held in Düsseldorf in just over a week's time, has left organizers a tad embarrassed. In a guide booklet to accompany the event, a 'Gay's Day of Action' has been listed instead of the actual 'School Event Day,' a single letter error that conflates the German words schwul, for gay, and Schule, for school."

It's only the greatest television event in the entire world. Tomorrow, 25 awesome countries line up to answer the question "Who Is The Country That Most Excessively Performs Awful Synth Pop?" This is Sofia Nizharadze who is representing Georgia! This show makes "American Idol" look like GARBAGE.

Well, here's a convincing argument to get you to subscribe to the New Yorker, if somehow you don't: Anthony Lane, on Eurovision, behind the paywall. Can you stand not to pay to read it? Really? Here's two little bits that can't fail to get your e-wallet open (if you are anything like me, which of course you are).