Garrison Keillor will die. That's an honest-to-God truth. And while that blunt statement on the surface is just factual, what it represents for many, including myself, is difficult to comprehend or even contemplate: that Garrison Keillor will die. READ MORE

On reading Jonathan Franzen's new fiction: "I read that big Ben Marcus takedown of him in a back issue of Harper's and I remember reading that takedown excitedly and being like, 'Fuck yeah, Ben Marcus, you tell that douchebag!' because I went to Florida State and that's how we expressed ourselves, I think I might've smashed a can of Natty against my forehead afterwards just for good measure."