The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Fri, 30 Sep 2011 09:34:51 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Twitter is Making the Brits Disgustingly American http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/twitter-is-making-the-brits-disgustingly-american http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/twitter-is-making-the-brits-disgustingly-american#comments Fri, 30 Sep 2011 09:34:51 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/twitter-is-making-the-brits-disgustingly-american
I thought British people were allergic to self-promotion or, indeed, any kind of reference to oneself that was not heavily caked in self-deprecation. Doesn't it make you break out in tea rash? Now look at you, instructing your Twitter followers to read your blogs, "check out" your articles, etc. This makes me suspect that Britain and all of its inhabitants have been swallowed up by an apocalyptic fire and replaced by an island of replicants who are planning world domination. Amirite or amirite?

Yet retweeting compliments is to harmless self-promotion what freebasing crack is to marijuana. And, going by this analogy, it grieves me to tell you—although I can't deny that I rather enjoy typing it—that Joan Collins is a crackhead.

—Did Twitter export American narcissism to Britain? One woman (rather correctly) says yes!

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I thought British people were allergic to self-promotion or, indeed, any kind of reference to oneself that was not heavily caked in self-deprecation. Doesn't it make you break out in tea rash? Now look at you, instructing your Twitter followers to read your blogs, "check out" your articles, etc. This makes me suspect that Britain and all of its inhabitants have been swallowed up by an apocalyptic fire and replaced by an island of replicants who are planning world domination. Amirite or amirite?

Yet retweeting compliments is to harmless self-promotion what freebasing crack is to marijuana. And, going by this analogy, it grieves me to tell you—although I can't deny that I rather enjoy typing it—that Joan Collins is a crackhead.

—Did Twitter export American narcissism to Britain? One woman (rather correctly) says yes!

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/twitter-is-making-the-brits-disgustingly-american/feed 9 Immigrants Also Stealing Totally Unwanted Jobs in UK http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/immigrants-also-stealing-totally-unwanted-jobs-in-uk http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/immigrants-also-stealing-totally-unwanted-jobs-in-uk#comments Thu, 01 Sep 2011 13:50:40 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/immigrants-also-stealing-totally-unwanted-jobs-in-uk "The Daily Mail advertised ten fictitious job vacancies in towns and cities across Britain.... A 25-hour-a-week cleaning job paying £10 an hour that was advertised in London attracted in excess of 225 applications. Of these, just 17 were from British workers."
— £10 an hour??? That's like $60!!! Lazy Britons. Anyway, just like in America, immigrants aren't taking your jobs; they're just actually applying for them.

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]]> "The Daily Mail advertised ten fictitious job vacancies in towns and cities across Britain.... A 25-hour-a-week cleaning job paying £10 an hour that was advertised in London attracted in excess of 225 applications. Of these, just 17 were from British workers."
— £10 an hour??? That's like $60!!! Lazy Britons. Anyway, just like in America, immigrants aren't taking your jobs; they're just actually applying for them.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/immigrants-also-stealing-totally-unwanted-jobs-in-uk/feed 5 England Now Has More Prisoners Per Capita Than Australia http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-now-has-more-prisoners-per-capita-than-australia http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-now-has-more-prisoners-per-capita-than-australia#comments Thu, 18 Aug 2011 16:10:46 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-now-has-more-prisoners-per-capita-than-australia "The prison population of England and Wales has hit a new record high of 86,608 people," thanks to several hundred young rioters being held in the system. Yup: 86,000 people are in prison out of a population of 53,390,300. Yeah... so that's .0016% of England and Wales. (The U.S. has about 2,300,000 people in prison, out of 307,006,550 people—almost five times as many, by population.)

Guess what? This means England has surpassed its tragic colony, old Prisoncrime Island, in rates of imprisonment—with all of 22 million people, Australia has only like 30,000 people in prison. (Though they're trying desperately to up their rates!)

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]]> "The prison population of England and Wales has hit a new record high of 86,608 people," thanks to several hundred young rioters being held in the system. Yup: 86,000 people are in prison out of a population of 53,390,300. Yeah... so that's .0016% of England and Wales. (The U.S. has about 2,300,000 people in prison, out of 307,006,550 people—almost five times as many, by population.)

Guess what? This means England has surpassed its tragic colony, old Prisoncrime Island, in rates of imprisonment—with all of 22 million people, Australia has only like 30,000 people in prison. (Though they're trying desperately to up their rates!)

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-now-has-more-prisoners-per-capita-than-australia/feed 4 Huge Tosser Makes Sense: Russell Brand on UK Riots http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/huge-tosser-makes-sense-russell-brand-on-uk-riots http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/huge-tosser-makes-sense-russell-brand-on-uk-riots#comments Fri, 12 Aug 2011 10:50:06 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/huge-tosser-makes-sense-russell-brand-on-uk-riots
Why am I surprised that these young people behave destructively, "mindlessly," motivated only by self-interest? How should we describe the actions of the city bankers who brought our economy to its knees in 2010? Altruistic? Mindful? Kind? But then again, they do wear suits, so they deserve to be bailed out, perhaps that's why not one of them has been imprisoned. And they got away with a lot more than a few fucking pairs of trainers.

These young people have no sense of community because they haven't been given one. They have no stake in society because Cameron's mentor Margaret Thatcher told us there's no such thing.

—The shock of last night was ludicrous comedy-remake offender and general prat Russell Brand making sense of England.

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Why am I surprised that these young people behave destructively, "mindlessly," motivated only by self-interest? How should we describe the actions of the city bankers who brought our economy to its knees in 2010? Altruistic? Mindful? Kind? But then again, they do wear suits, so they deserve to be bailed out, perhaps that's why not one of them has been imprisoned. And they got away with a lot more than a few fucking pairs of trainers.

These young people have no sense of community because they haven't been given one. They have no stake in society because Cameron's mentor Margaret Thatcher told us there's no such thing.

—The shock of last night was ludicrous comedy-remake offender and general prat Russell Brand making sense of England.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/huge-tosser-makes-sense-russell-brand-on-uk-riots/feed 39 England Forced to Notice Young, Poor, Angry People http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-forced-to-notice-young-poor-angry-people http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-forced-to-notice-young-poor-angry-people#comments Wed, 10 Aug 2011 10:40:20 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-forced-to-notice-young-poor-angry-people And now we enter phase three of massive social unrest, in which the media wonders: who are "the looters" and why might they be "upset"? Literally: "The crowds involved in violence and looting are drawn from a complex mix of social and racial backgrounds." Oh I see. And: "Two girls who took part in Monday night's riots in Croydon have boasted that they were showing police and 'the rich' that 'we can do what we want.'" Why didn't anyone tell the media before that England was populated with a huge resentful underclass? WHY WAS THERE NOT A PRESS RELEASE ABOUT THIS?

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]]> And now we enter phase three of massive social unrest, in which the media wonders: who are "the looters" and why might they be "upset"? Literally: "The crowds involved in violence and looting are drawn from a complex mix of social and racial backgrounds." Oh I see. And: "Two girls who took part in Monday night's riots in Croydon have boasted that they were showing police and 'the rich' that 'we can do what we want.'" Why didn't anyone tell the media before that England was populated with a huge resentful underclass? WHY WAS THERE NOT A PRESS RELEASE ABOUT THIS?

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/england-forced-to-notice-young-poor-angry-people/feed 28 Oh Noes, UK Chancellor Has to Cancel Vacation Too :( http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/oh-noes-uk-chancellor-has-to-cancel-vacation-too http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/oh-noes-uk-chancellor-has-to-cancel-vacation-too#comments Tue, 09 Aug 2011 16:10:09 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/oh-noes-uk-chancellor-has-to-cancel-vacation-too Chancellor George Osborne, once he found out that PM David Cameron left Tuscany just a few days after North London was overtaken by riots, "immediately" left California to go back and watch London and Manchester burn. (And observe its Diesel stores get their windows broken.) When will anyone ever get a long foreign holiday??? Not as long as angry jobless yobbos exist.

In other news, Angela Merkel is in the Alps, Nicolas Sarkozy is in the French Riviera, and Nick Clegg just got back from Spain and France. (This and many more photos here.)

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]]> Chancellor George Osborne, once he found out that PM David Cameron left Tuscany just a few days after North London was overtaken by riots, "immediately" left California to go back and watch London and Manchester burn. (And observe its Diesel stores get their windows broken.) When will anyone ever get a long foreign holiday??? Not as long as angry jobless yobbos exist.

In other news, Angela Merkel is in the Alps, Nicolas Sarkozy is in the French Riviera, and Nick Clegg just got back from Spain and France. (This and many more photos here.)

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/oh-noes-uk-chancellor-has-to-cancel-vacation-too/feed 12 UK Prime Minister Cancels Tuscan Holiday :( http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/prime-minister-cancels-tuscan-holiday http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/prime-minister-cancels-tuscan-holiday#comments Tue, 09 Aug 2011 10:40:07 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/prime-minister-cancels-tuscan-holiday One thing you don't want to do probably is go a-thieving in a total surveillance society. The Metropolitan Police have set up a Flickr account with pretty pictures of a few people who have apparently gone robbing in North London at some point before or after these images were captured. It's the modern version of the "WANTED" poster, but en masse. Of course, some people have taken to Tumblr to do this vigilante style. In less dramatic imagery of the day, people have apparently taken to the streets with brooms to tidy up. Awww! And more to be found here.

In other, totally unrelated news from London, the headlines at the Guardian this morning include "Senior London officer says authorities will consider using rubber bullets to quell rioting" and "Lloyds bank axing 1,300 more jobs." (As a result of the takeover of Lloyds by HBOS, announced in 2009, nearly 45,000 jobs have been eliminated.) Combined, the two entities have received more than £40 billion from the government since the recession.

Oh, one more: "The Prime Minister flew back into the UK from Tuscany where he was on holiday to take personal charge of efforts to quell the rioting."

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]]> One thing you don't want to do probably is go a-thieving in a total surveillance society. The Metropolitan Police have set up a Flickr account with pretty pictures of a few people who have apparently gone robbing in North London at some point before or after these images were captured. It's the modern version of the "WANTED" poster, but en masse. Of course, some people have taken to Tumblr to do this vigilante style. In less dramatic imagery of the day, people have apparently taken to the streets with brooms to tidy up. Awww! And more to be found here.

In other, totally unrelated news from London, the headlines at the Guardian this morning include "Senior London officer says authorities will consider using rubber bullets to quell rioting" and "Lloyds bank axing 1,300 more jobs." (As a result of the takeover of Lloyds by HBOS, announced in 2009, nearly 45,000 jobs have been eliminated.) Combined, the two entities have received more than £40 billion from the government since the recession.

Oh, one more: "The Prime Minister flew back into the UK from Tuscany where he was on holiday to take personal charge of efforts to quell the rioting."

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/prime-minister-cancels-tuscan-holiday/feed 13 The End of English Society http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/the-end-of-english-society http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/the-end-of-english-society#comments Fri, 17 Jun 2011 09:37:32 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/the-end-of-english-society The Ascot Gold Cup—the schmancy horserace in Berkshire, founded by Queen Anne, part of the summer season at the Ascot Racecourse—has long been on the circuit of fancy white inbred people in Knifecrime Island. And now? It is beset by louts and chavs! These must-see photographs of the disaster have the world's best captions: "Lowering the tone: A man wielding a £98 bottle of Laurent Perrier Rose Champagne gets involved as the fight breaks out between racegoers." This makes the Stanley Cup Vancouver riots this week look like a kiddy tea time!

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]]> The Ascot Gold Cup—the schmancy horserace in Berkshire, founded by Queen Anne, part of the summer season at the Ascot Racecourse—has long been on the circuit of fancy white inbred people in Knifecrime Island. And now? It is beset by louts and chavs! These must-see photographs of the disaster have the world's best captions: "Lowering the tone: A man wielding a £98 bottle of Laurent Perrier Rose Champagne gets involved as the fight breaks out between racegoers." This makes the Stanley Cup Vancouver riots this week look like a kiddy tea time!

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/the-end-of-english-society/feed 19 Coppers Called on Lord Bath's Bountiful Babe Bustup http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/coppers-called-on-lord-baths-bountiful-babe-bustup http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/coppers-called-on-lord-baths-bountiful-babe-bustup#comments Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:10:52 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/coppers-called-on-lord-baths-bountiful-babe-bustup Did you miss the big news this weekend? "Police have been called to the Marquess of Bath’s Longleat estate in Wiltshire after one his 'wifelets' was allegedly injured during a late night fight with a rival." Mm hmm...
The women suffered a suspected broken nose in a vicious fight over who would "sleep with the peer” that evening at 18th century Longleat House, a source said. Lord Bath, 79, who has been described as the country’s most eccentric aristocrat, had apparently already retired for the evening, saying ‘You sort it out, I’m going to bed’.”

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]]> Did you miss the big news this weekend? "Police have been called to the Marquess of Bath’s Longleat estate in Wiltshire after one his 'wifelets' was allegedly injured during a late night fight with a rival." Mm hmm...
The women suffered a suspected broken nose in a vicious fight over who would "sleep with the peer” that evening at 18th century Longleat House, a source said. Lord Bath, 79, who has been described as the country’s most eccentric aristocrat, had apparently already retired for the evening, saying ‘You sort it out, I’m going to bed’.”

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/coppers-called-on-lord-baths-bountiful-babe-bustup/feed 11 Understanding England's "Gag Order" Scandal http://www.theawl.com/2011/05/understanding-englands-gag-order-scandal http://www.theawl.com/2011/05/understanding-englands-gag-order-scandal#comments Thu, 12 May 2011 10:20:17 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/05/understanding-englands-gag-order-scandal Balk: So, and this will never happen but I want someone to match all the silhouettes in the Mail and Sun to the actual photos they are based on.

Choire: Whoa. "ONE of Britain's top bloggers caused chaos on Twitter yesterday after appearing to link more than a dozen celebrities to gagging orders."

Balk: But I wouldn't even know who to start with on that.

Choire: I don't even know how to find what blogger they're talking about!

Balk: It's Guido Fawkes.

Choire: Huh. Okay, but I'm confused....

Balk:

Annie Lennox, papers seem to have stopped covering her lately.Wed May 11 13:40:30 via webGuido Fawkes
GuidoFawkes

Choire: Oh no, not Annie! Well, hmm, this is like reading a foreign language.

Balk: Ha.

Choire: Literally this is impenetrable to me!

Balk: Really?

Choire: I never said I was bright. So wait. There's a gag order about what?

Balk: Oh. It's more about who HAS the gag orders out.

Choire: ... Regarding?

Balk: They are all privacy claims.

Choire: ...

Balk: "Slept with hooker," "had affair with," etc.

Choire: Annnnnd? Oh God, am I stupid? SOME DAY THE GUARDIAN WILL EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

Balk: Basically, one or more papers was going to report on these stories, but before they could the celeb in question got a prior restraint.

Choire: Ohhh! So there were a number of stories, and then these people went to the courts... and everything died.

Balk: Right. So the papers all know who did what to who but can't name names.

Choire: Ah.

Balk: Which is unfortunate for the prostitutes who want to sell their stories to the tabs.

Choire: So much for Nick Denton's romanticization of the English newsroom!

Balk: I'm not sure how I feel about this take, but it does explain a lot.

Choire: Yow! What happened to the days when people just got to have hot sex with footballers and then go on with their lives?

Balk: I blame our "everyone's a celebrity" culture.

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]]> Balk: So, and this will never happen but I want someone to match all the silhouettes in the Mail and Sun to the actual photos they are based on.

Choire: Whoa. "ONE of Britain's top bloggers caused chaos on Twitter yesterday after appearing to link more than a dozen celebrities to gagging orders."

Balk: But I wouldn't even know who to start with on that.

Choire: I don't even know how to find what blogger they're talking about!

Balk: It's Guido Fawkes.

Choire: Huh. Okay, but I'm confused....

Balk:

Annie Lennox, papers seem to have stopped covering her lately.Wed May 11 13:40:30 via webGuido Fawkes
GuidoFawkes

Choire: Oh no, not Annie! Well, hmm, this is like reading a foreign language.

Balk: Ha.

Choire: Literally this is impenetrable to me!

Balk: Really?

Choire: I never said I was bright. So wait. There's a gag order about what?

Balk: Oh. It's more about who HAS the gag orders out.

Choire: ... Regarding?

Balk: They are all privacy claims.

Choire: ...

Balk: "Slept with hooker," "had affair with," etc.

Choire: Annnnnd? Oh God, am I stupid? SOME DAY THE GUARDIAN WILL EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

Balk: Basically, one or more papers was going to report on these stories, but before they could the celeb in question got a prior restraint.

Choire: Ohhh! So there were a number of stories, and then these people went to the courts... and everything died.

Balk: Right. So the papers all know who did what to who but can't name names.

Choire: Ah.

Balk: Which is unfortunate for the prostitutes who want to sell their stories to the tabs.

Choire: So much for Nick Denton's romanticization of the English newsroom!

Balk: I'm not sure how I feel about this take, but it does explain a lot.

Choire: Yow! What happened to the days when people just got to have hot sex with footballers and then go on with their lives?

Balk: I blame our "everyone's a celebrity" culture.

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