"I don’t really have high expectations, but this is kind of like the new Cronut, and I want to experience it first."
The forecast for the Gulf Oil spill today is: lots of little oil spills! That can't be good. In other news, the 100-ton containment box lowered yesterday may or may not work, which we will discover over the next week. Pictures show that the containment dome is delightfully oily! And the Gulf? Very end-of-the-world pretty.
What follows is a picture of the legal disclaimer that you "sign" just by walking into one of New York City's fine public spaces today: Madison Square Park. This is it! This is the moment that the machines and the lawyers have taken over, creating a Bloombergian cyst of revoltingness! (The lawn of the park, by the way, is closed, so don't try to use your public space today, because the CITY HAS SOLD IT TO HSBC.) What is going on is that the bank called HSBC is having what they call a "soapbox" thing where you, the "park attendee," stand in a kiosk, in front of a picture of [...]
"French luxury goods group Hermes has resorted to breeding its own crocodiles on farms in Australia to try to meet demand for its leather bags, its chief executive said on Monday…. Hermes already faces a major challenge producing 3,000 crocodile bags a year, [Patrick] Thomas said, adding: 'The world is not full of crocodiles, except the stock exchange!'"
Jared Kushner, the publisher of the New York Observer, has fired the paper's long-time cleaning woman, according to multiple sources at the paper. Who buys an (over-priced) $3.225 million two-bedroom in the same month they fire a 60-something-year-old Eastern European cleaning woman? And also, not to be too practical, but: who is taking out the trash? "No one" is the word from inside. We assume he'll just add the Observer's space to a cleaning contract for some of this other buildings-just like he consolidated the back-office staff between his business. This is where I'd normally say something about how he must be a good person because he spends money on [...]
Welcome to the most bizarre thing we've read yet this crazy election week. Marc Leder, who hosted the now wildly infamous covertly recorded Romney fundraiser, at which normal everyday white people learned that Mitt Romney hates them in the way that most Republicans only hate black people and gays, is going to nail that wonderful brave video-recording person to a wall and use him (or her!) as a sconce. "He is in the process of narrowing down the suspects and is contemplating contacting law enforcement," is what they say. Good luck with that, because I can think of about 47% of America who'll happily contribute to the legal [...]
Against the wishes of a judge in Wisconsin, President Obama issued a proclamation marking May 6, 2010 as a National Day of Prayer.
As expected, sectarians of every faith engaged in an orgy of sacral violence against atheists, liberals, and gays-incidentally killing almost the entire membership and clergy of the Episcopal Church. In Manhattan this morning, the screams of sinners about to face their final Judge were accompanied by a live performance by Jars of Clay on the former Today Show set.
A month ago, it was announced that 1 in 6 job-wanting, working age Americans are not working. Now it is closing in on 1 in 5. Who is surprised about this morning's new unemployment numbers? If so, you are a person who does not know anyone, perhaps you have been forced to live in a basement for decades and therefore miss all kinds of wonderful sporting events. Officially, now, unemployment is at 9.8%! The official unemployment rate for Latinos is 12.7%; for black folks, it is 15.4%. Between August and September, 807,000 new people were counted as "not in the labor force." (Also, unemployment rose in the 16 nations [...]
Ah, an evening walking trip in New York City. What delightful sights can be seen?
Book Expo America is upon the epically embattled publishing industry once again. Things really heat up today and tomorrow-this is at the Javits Center, over at the ass end of Manhattan-with author signings and discussions like "Book Reviews 2010: What Will They Look Like." But the most attended event at the slower Thursday session was a panel of four publishing CEOs. It was moderated by former New Yorker editor, founder and editor of The Daily Beast, and ACTUAL BOOK AUTHOR Tina Brown. Elegant in pink, Brown's role was Emissary of New Media-"I now run an Internet site," she said helpfully-to the lovable but philistine Print Masses.
Sotheby's started its own line of diamond jewelry three and a half years ago and for the first three years it performed tremendously. Much less so now! It is a partnership between the auction house and Steinmetz Diamond Group, which is DeBeers' number one customer.
Guess what, no one wants to buy your busted-ass cars! "General Motors Corp. is planning to temporarily close most of its U.S. factories for up to nine weeks this summer." So here is the deal. Companies like GM are almost of no interest to us snooty folks who live in places like New York. Except: they have to be, because the repercussions-not only for the enormous amount of employees for the company but also for their suppliers and their vendors and then their overseas employees-are enormous. This is why we have to pay attention to these boring dull things: because when a couple of cities get burned down this [...]
"Maine Gov. Paul LePage has ordered the removal of a 36-foot mural depicting the state's labor history from the lobby of the Department of Labor headquarters building in Augusta…. Don Berry, President of the Maine AFL-CIO, issued a statement… 'It's a spiteful, mean-spirited move by the Governor that does nothing to create jobs or improve the Maine economy.'" —Incorrect! Somebody's gotta paint over that mural. Now that's job creation we can believe in!
"Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against thee in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. For the sake of thy Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us, because we'll probably do it again tomorrow."
Lent is tough for a teenager. From the pulpit, your pastor encourages you to give until it hurts, reminding the congregation in booming tones that no sacrifice is too small or too noble. After mass he says to you, "Jesus subsisted in the desert for 40 days off pure grace," his hand resting on your shoulder, light as a cinder block. Inspired (or [...]
It is the beginning of the end, perhaps, the introduction of a local currency in towns like Pittsboro, North Carolina. There, you can exchange this homegrown currency for "Custom Mosaic Individual and Couples Counseling" and "Technical Tree Climbing Tutoring." Then you can only spend that currency at the local organic bread store, thus ensuring that the bailed-out U.S. banking system cannot utilize your cash, and destroying America. Actually what is wrong with this plan is that it is an aggregated barter system! And real barter systems-ask the lesbian communes of Australia!-work just fine and really we should all be doing them.
Tom Scocca: Am I the only one who sort of wishes that nice Matt Taibbi wouldn't use all those swear words? Choire Sicha: YES. Choire Sicha: I FEEL THE SAME. Choire Sicha: I was like, "You wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying 'fellatio'? Ugh!" Tom Scocca: Right? The letter needed not to say "fellatio." Tom Scocca: (Why does iChat not recognize "fellatio" as a word? What is chat software FOR?)
46% of all Fandango ticket sales yesterday were for Angels & Demons. Americans want to know the truth about the secret cabal (NATO) that is running the World Bank and the Vatican!