Starting in September, love guv Eliot Spitzer is now your TV chitchat host on the CNN at 8 p.m. every night (that hour when you don't watch TV). He's been partnered with a lady. That lady is Kathleen Parker. She is not bright, basically, though she has a Pulitzer, just like Jennifer Jason Leigh did in the Hudsucker Proxy. CAREER WOMEN, what can you do, etc. I have already canceled this CNN show in my mind.
The Eliot Spitzer rehabilitation tour continues apace, with the Post this morning reprinting a passage from Peter Elkind's new book about the former governor, Rough Justice: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer, in which Spitzer's prowess and virility are amply demonstrated.
Interesting Eliot Spitzer response on The Big Think to Ben Smith's question about whether he regrets choosing David Paterson as Lt. Governor. Spitzer does not, but he does take issue with Paterson's appointment of Kirsten Gillibrand to the United States Senate. Can't wait for Gillibrand's angry response on Twitter! Hopefully it is something along the lines of, "If Eliot were here right now he'd be fucking hookers."
Eliot Spitzer is back on Slate, with a very exciting diatribe about how General Electric made significant gains from the New York Fed's liquidity incentives to the commercial paper market last year, even though the chairman of GE is the only real "people's representative" on the board of the Fed! If only anyone in America knew what any of these words meant, there would be trouble!
Not only did Eliot Spitzer screw New York by leaving it in the hands of his incompetent lieutenant, he screwed the entire worldwide financial system by investigating AIG. Or so says CNBC's Charles Gasparino, who argues that the then-attorney general's probe into the insurance giant's accounting practices so discomfited the firm's leadership that they HAD NO CHOICE but to go deep into risky credit default swaps.
This is pretty much the last thing my mind can handle while having coffee. But yes, good grief, Eliot Spitzer has been trotted out as a character witness for Supreme Court Justice nominee Elene Kagan's heterosexuality in the world's most ridiculous Internet show trial that proves the Internet has its head so far inside the Internet's own butt. (Or maybe he has been hired as an expert witness? He is, after all, extremely conversant in the matters of professional heterosexuality.) Anyway, we were serious the other day when we referred to Kagan as "thoroughly actually heterosexual man-loving," and, you know what, we are going to consider this [...]
New Yorkers are now almost evenly divided over whether or not former governor Eliot Spitzer should ever run for office again, and the number of those polled who are against his running this year has dropped by 11% since a similar survey in the fall. It does indeed seem inevitable that he'll be back. Plus, those naked pictures of Ashley Dupre that are all over your Internet today probably won't hurt.
The New York Post's Andrea Peyser takes to the paper today to complain that former governor Eliot Spitzer-"a pathological whoremaster"-may indeed launch a successful return to office. (Spitzer is said to be considering a run for comptroller.) Among the many reasons Peyser provides for Spitzer's potential rehabilitation: "People wanted to believe that this man, whose financial expertise is, at best, questionable, was tough, strong and smart enough to clean up the economic mess. Besides, Spitzer won't be asking Ashley Dupre for advice." Still, if he ever does need such counsel, he knows where to go.
Only 19% of registered voters think New York Gov. Paterson is doing a good or excellent job. (Kick this one around: 19% of Americans have a favorable view of Dick Cheney.) These are bad, bad numbers: A majority of those polled would prefer have Eliot Spitzer back in office. Perhaps the two men could resurrect their 2006 ticket, with Paterson returning to the role of Lt. Gov. They could run on the slogan "Hookers and Blow."
"This was not a coincidence. There are no coincidences in this world. None." -Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer is convinced that the SEC lawsuit against Goldman Sachs might just have something to do with the financial regulatory reform bill being worked on in the Senate. Added Spitzer, "It could be both a witch hunt and legitimate exercise of regulatory authority," which I seem to remember being his campaign slogan during his time as Attorney General.
Endlessly boat-floating scandal gov Eliot Spitzer, who one could say is responsible (if even inadvertently so) for much of New York's state-level drama and crisis over the last year, sure likes to keep that periscope up above the water line. Now we're up to: "I've never said I would never consider running for office again." That's true. He didn't ever say that! He's GOT US OVER A BARREL with his WORD TRICKS.
So someone is putting before the public, via the New York tabloid press, that maybe Eliot Spitzer will be an elected official somewhere, some day. For what office, his people do not say. Not governor! That did not work out, due to his visits to prostitutes. So will he run for…. Kirsten Gillibrand's Senate seat? No. Here is what my focus group says: he cannot even possibly run against a woman. All she has to do is look at him with a pitying gaze during one debate and the whole thing is over. Meanwhile, he is apparently teaching an undergrad class at City College? Sheesh. But who's running this [...]
I often develop theories. Many of them are wildly off-base or miss some specific point which would completely undermine their validity. Or they're just very obvious but I'm so self-adoring that I believe I'm the first one to have come up with them. Anyway, thanks to the magic of crowdsourcing, I can test them out in public, right here on The Awl! Here's the latest:
If you are a politician whose career has been damaged or derailed by a sex scandal, the period of your rehabilitation is directly correlated to the popularity of your immediate successor.
