"Ke$ha is America's new favorite punching bag, the human equivalent of What's Wrong. It's true, her lyrics and bag lady with a Black Card fashion sense are troubling. But sloppy weirdoes who wonder whether we are the aliens on Saturday Night Live are rare and exciting. We should celebrate them."
Here it is, everyone: the song that you will not be able to escape this summer, should you choose to leave your house. It is called "California Gurls" [sic] and it features many things, including: A sorta-not-as-barky-as-usual Katy Perry! An audibly leering Snoop Dogg! Dr. Luke's trademarked 8-bit bleeps! Copious references to the California brand of summertime and Daisy Dukes (yes, again!)! David Lee Roth, sadly, was unavailable for comment.