What is this? Why, it's the kickoff to 2013's Conservative Political Action Conference in National Harbor, Maryland. Why is the nice hostess complaining about the crumbling roads and bridges? And why is the nice hostess mocking America's War On Terror? Because Barack Obama is president! And you know what happens, etc., such as "Michelle Obama gets Beyoncé." These themes will be consistent throughout the convention at the Gaylord National Hotel, and tickets sold for as much as $1,000. Next week, when you see endless clips of fresh-faced rising stars of the conservative movement saying insanely racist or just insane things into a microphone on a trade-show stage, this [...]

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"i have always had a great relationship with the blacks" says #Trump.Thu Apr 14 14:23:23 via webAzi Paybarahazipaybarah

New York Observer reporter Azi Paybarah is live-Tweeting Donald Trump's interview with Fred Dicker. It's… going well?

You could have attended all of the speeches by the 15 or so potential presidential candidates who appeared at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference and only had the slightest notion that anything of note was happening in Egypt. The young conservatives gathered there have their own leaderless revolution to foment. The long-time president of the American Conservative Union, which sponsors CPAC, stepped down the day before the conference began to become the head of the National Rifle Association. And the CPAC Straw Poll, the first of many basically meaningless contests for all those 2012 Republican hopefuls, gave attendees a baffling array of candidates to choose from. There was [...]

Sex Offender Week got a little derailed yesterday due to sad server problems. But we're back today with two more installments on the issues of being the men and the women today!

Former Poison frontman Bret Michaels winding up in the hospital (may the bandana of love live on for eternity) is the best thing that could have happened to Donald Trump this spring.

The third season of the Donald's extra vanity project-"Celebrity Apprentice"-has been struggling. With bloated two-hour episodes, the show has been beat in the ratings by CBS' "Undercover Boss," ABC's "Brothers and Sisters" and (oof) "Desperate Housewives."

"Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that he would not seek the presidency, a development less important for the Republican field or his national political future — if he ever had one — than for what it said about a media culture that increasingly seems to give the spotlight to the loudest, most outrageous voices." —Thanks for explaining, New York Times! Here are the 91 most recent articles in the Times that mention Donald Trump—from just the last 30 days. Knocking out the most casual mentions of Trump, you're left with more than half that number.

It rather looks like it's time to turn off the Donald Trump channel. Although he's providing some delightful and much-needed levity in these rather frightening and oh-so-serious times, the fact remains that… HE'S BEHAVING QUITE TERRIBLY. And if it's in service of something, what could that possibly be? Not just the whole warring with the Times thing—which, there is no way the Times should have given him space to air his incorrect views without rebuttal—and freaking out all over, straight-up birther-style, but printing out Vanity Fair blog posts and mailing them to Graydon Carter? He's now a figurehead of a very, very small but very vocal [...]

Tavern On The Green's new life: a snack bar/gift shop/visitor center. I can't help but wonder if having an episode of Newlyweds: Nick And Jessica shot there during that sorta-reality show's mid-'00s heyday was something of a hex on the place. Although is being a front for maps really all that worse than being saved by the glob of ego and hair-replacement products that is Donald Trump? ("It really is a special place. Only a person with a lot of money can rebuild and resurrect Tavern. And I have a lot of money," The Donald told the Times.) [Via / Pic via]

We have not been paying attention to the Trump SoHo hotel-condominium (WHICH IS BUILT ON A GRAVEYARD), unlike some people who are crazed about it, but I finally looked at the floorplans, because it opens in February? They're terrible! First of all, the non-penthouse condos top out at like 700 square feet, and most are like 450 square feet? But really: if you're going to buy a condo-ized hotel room (which you can only occupy for 120 days a year, max, and, um, no thanks), wouldn't you want an extra closet instead of 1.5 baths? One of the units has a "secure owner's closet," but the rest, [...]

"'It was almost completely worthless,' said Jeffrey Tufenkian, 49, who along with his wife, Sona, enrolled in a $35,000 'Gold Elite' class at Trump University to jump-start a career in real estate." —I'm pro-regulation and for protections against deceptive business practices and all… but at a certain point, you're on your own, you know? Maybe don't brush your teeth with motor oil! Don't dive into bodies of water when you don't know their depth! Don't spend tens of thousands of dollars on made-up universities, and don't buy anything just because it has 'Trump' in the name.

Defense Secretary: Mr. President, we have a situation developing in the Middle East. President Trump: Do you like what I've done with the Oval Office? Incredible, right? Have you ever seen anything like this? Defense Secretary: Mr. President, there's a matter that… President Trump: I show this place to very few people. Presidents, Kings… and they walk in, they look around, and they really can't believe what they're seeing. Defense Secretary: It's very nice, Mr. President, sir, but there's a situation in Libya needs your attention. It seems that… President Trump: Get to the point, get to the point. Defense Secretary: We have fears that Muammar Gaddafi will begin [...]

If Al B. Sure, also known as the man who gave our ears the New Jack Swing pinnacle "Nite And Day" has to go on TV to find love, is there hope for any of us in this crazy world? Probably not, right? I haven't even mentioned that he's doing so on a show that presents as its "prize" the Trump-groomed reality-villain prototype Omarosa! [Via]

Broadcasting and Cable has a good laugh at those who were shocked by the Times profile of NBC boy-honcho Ben Silverman this weekend past. It's true: any Silverman story, even one as unrevealing and friendly as Carter's, can sound shocking if you're not accustomed to The Silverman Way!