Liberal climate-change-believing scientists are still trying to cozy up to the horrible rapists of the sea, to get the dolphins to reveal their secrets and to finally start SPEAKING ENGLISH. (Good news: for $2,495, you can spend ten days without Internet or phone on a boat off the Bahamas hanging out with dolphins. Let's hope you get to see lots of brutal gang behavior and gay dolphin sex! I'm really tempted actually.)

Are you up on "conching?" It's like "planking" or "horse maning" except that it's done by dolphins instead of humans, and instead of being done solely for the purposes of display and photography (though it does make for some cool pictures) it also apparently helps the dolphins eat. It goes like this: dolphins trap small fish inside empty conch shells, and then bring the conch shells up to the surface of the water, and tip the fish into their mouths. Like we do with a pack of M&M's. But they use their beaks, instead of their hands. This behavior has been witnessed at least six times now in Shark Bay on Australia's western coast. Pretty amazing, right? Pretty great! Until one of the dolphins decides he wants more power, and would prefer anarchy to easy fishing, and smashes the conch shell and kills the smart fat dolphin, and exposes the dark, Hobbesian truth of dolphin nature. Which, of course, we already know about.