Posts Tagged: diets

The Only Diet Tip You'll Ever Need

"Forget abandoning carbohydrates or detoxing. The new dieting craze sweeping Britain and taking off in the United States lets people eat whatever they like – but only five days a week." —People, please. I had plans to make a fortune on my one simple diet tip, but because I can't stand to see you all grasping at these ridiculous gimmicks—and because I can't figure how to pad it out to book length—I will share this amazing diet secret with the world: Before you are about to eat anything, ask yourself, "Am I going to enjoy this?" If the answer is [...]


The Yogurt Industry Is Totally Out of Control!

"Yogurt science has gone too far. We have yogurts that make you go, yogurts from Greece that you cut like brie (mmm, fat), yogurts that taste like enchilada-style burritos. Do you remember WOW chips? What are we looking for from food? Do we really want food with which you can stuff yourself without getting full or without the benefits of energy? Look, like with Diet Cokes, sometimes you want to eat eight pounds of something without feeling like Gilbert Grape’s mom (sometimes I do! Sometimes humans are the shape of our own shame, like a shadow on the ground we need to cover with popcorn and gum wrappers and [...]


New Diets: Twinkies or Wine

Here are two ways to lose weight: 1) Eat mostly Twinkies and Doritos and HoHos and Ring Dings and other junk, but limit your calories, or 2) Try the wine and anxiety method. I prefer the second myself, but, you know, it has "wine" right there in the name. You do whatever's good for you!


Low-Calorie Glass Shards Add Texture To Lean Cuisine Frozen Food

Looking to lose a few pounds before whatever holiday season is approaching? You'll certainly fit better into that Valentine's Day costume if you ingest a lot of broken glass and then spend a month in the hospital being fed through a drip. Sadly, the accurately named Nestle Prepared Foods Co. has recalled its popular Lean Cuisine Mushroom Mezzaluna Ravioli With Glass Shards entrée.

Officials say affected packages of Culinary Collection Mushroom Mezzaluna Ravioli have productions codes of 2311587812 and 2312587812. Both codes have a "best before" date of December 2013.

Experts say you might also want to throw all similar garbage out of your freezer, and just eat out [...]


11 Completely Scientific, Not At All Dubious Diets From Our Recent Past

In 1918, Lulu Hunt Peters’ Diet and Health, with Key to the Calories introduced Americans to the concept of “calorie counting,” and the modern diet was born. Realizing that counting calories was no fun, America took the concept and turned it into a game to see who could promise the best results for the least effort in the shortest amount of time—while also making the most money off it! You know, the American way. Dieters in this country spend $40 billion per year on weight loss programs, many of them fad diets. Here are some of the most questionable to have appeared along the way; if any of them [...]


Blueprint Cleanse Juice Tastes Like Acne, Humiliation, Clumsy Early Sexual Experience

"The six juices, numbered and meant to be drunk in a particular order, looked so tasty. What’s not to like about spicy lemonade, or pineapple with mint? Cashew milk flavored with vanilla and cinnamon was a little cloying, but… I mean, c’mon, cashews, the George Clooney of nuts. When it came to the green juice, I read the label and tried hard to concentrate on the 'lemon' and 'apple' parts of the equation: romaine, celery, cucumber, green apple, spinach, kale, parsley, lemon. Bright side: no beets. Here’s the thing. That green juice? It was like drinking everything bad that ever happened to me in high school." —The Times' Judith [...]


No Point In Having Sex

"In fact, having sex burns calories at about the same rate as walking at a pace of 2.5 mph. 'Given that the average bout of sexual activity lasts about 6 minutes,' the authors write, a man in his early to mid-30s might burn 21 calories. But wait, it gets worse: Considering that this man could burn 7 calories just watching TV, the true benefit of having sex is only 14 additional calories burned." —Many common beliefs about dieting and exercise, such as the one about how sexual intercourse burns 300 calories, are not at all true. So go ahead and take the night off.


Lessons in Knowing and Not Knowing, With Novak Djokovic

Q: I know that you don’t want to speak about your new diet regime….

A: Exactly

Q: But why, why don’t you want to speak?

A: There are some things I can speak about; there some things I can’t.

Q: No other reasons?

A: I can tell you who is my girlfriend, but I cannot tell you what I do with my girlfriend.

Novak Djokovic, gluten-free sphinx of mystery, now on game 41 of his winning streak (due to a retirement). Up next against him at the French Open: saucy Argentine Juan Martin del Potro. (via)