When my best friend and I were nine, and the rest of the neighborhood was playing house, we were perched on PVC-inspired bar stools in the basement, rubbing our temples and sighing to one another about how hard it was to find good talent.

I mean, casting a show is a nightmare in any case, but the stakes were extra high here, what with Michael Douglas breathing down our necks [Lucky Lights® exhale]. It's hard enough to find an individual who shines, but to pair up two singer/dancers who both embodied the spirit of the sequel to A Chorus Line that we were workshopping, and who were also kindred [...]

14. Doorbells

There are plenty of parts for dudes to play, and lots of them are complicated and interesting, I guess, but that doesn't make most of those roles any more satisfying than the two-dimensional girlfriend parts available for the ladies. Even gay-man characters, whose "emotions" get screen time because gays are like girls, give me heart failure because most TV writers just don't believe that I like men. But I like men!