There are two ways to think about Q -Bert. Or not. Maybe there are an indefinite number of ways. Look at all this punctuation. READ MORE

You and I, we aren't from here. I know I am not anyway and if this whole universe including me turns out to be a harsh game, well, consider my imagined heart crushed and my fictional breath taken totally away. What a beautifully cruel thing of unimaginable definition and color this place is. What incredible aberrations; what perfect anomalies. I sure as hell don't know what the fuck I am doing here and I am quite certain that you don't either. In fact, I can't recall the nothing I was before. I wonder what the nothing will feel like later. That's how I can do whatever it is that I do and not give a rat's ass, not really, what someone else thinks. That said, I was wrong about Galaxian. I managed to find the handheld of Galaxian (2) and well, it is kind of great in all its simplicity. Like the color blue. Like pizza. Like laughing. READ MORE

I remember the light of the sun shining straight lines of rays through the hollowed-out space above the street-and the dark shadow in the bulky concrete shafts of bleh that rose to the side. I also remember pain. Total pain in my fucking heart and mind. Total static.... It was the end. Manhattan was meant to go cheesecloth and me butter-like the oil of eternity through the laugh track of a commercial in outer space where a mop dances with Fred Astaire and he accidentally drops a sardine off his cracker and says, "Oh dear, summer plums, I have spilled my hors d'oeuvres." Then a bunch of spiders crawl from the subway and he blasts them with his donut lazer. Ah shit. READ MORE

I have been reading a lot of stuff about the crystal skulls. Also some stuff about people unearthing a bunch of very tall skeletons. Now I don't know about giant skeletons (people say they are fake-see chupacabras) but this crystal skull stuff is amazing. They even made the old person Indiana Jones movie about all this. They exist. They're... blah blah blah. READ MORE

Stick around: We've got some more excitement coming your way later this afternoon.

It really feels like the end of the world. In science magazines there are articles about colonizing space and other planets but we won't ever do that. We're stuck on the hot rock full of water waiting for the inevitable asteroid. All you have to do is look at the moon-that fucking thing is covered in cosmic ACNE and those craters are made by things flying at 13 miles a second. Somebody get Bruce Willis on the phone. He can handle anything. READ MORE

Our new pal who so wonderfully contributed our theme song is really giving the home studio a workout. For you, a new punk remix follows! But before we leave you with this truly awesome bit of audio entertainment for the weekend: can we also please give you all a Hill Street Blues style "let's be careful out there"? You know how I hate drowning more than cancer and other equally bad things. Yes, the 15-foot waves coming East Coast-ward look awesome, and thanks to the dissipating Hurricane Bill, but speaking as someone who just drank a few cups of salt water on his lunch break (and it's still calm out there basically): swim with a buddy! Anyway, whatever you do this weekend, and whomever you're doing it with, definitely don't panic. (And yes, I do mean "in bed.") READ MORE

We recently got in touch with a popular recording artist who happens to be an admirer of The Awl. This musician expressed an interest in contributing to the site, and we're happy to announce that the result of our conversations is a regular column that should start up in the very near future. That's exciting enough, but there's a bonus! During the period where we were discussing potential topics for the series, our friend was struck by the muse, and entered a secret subterranean studio to record a theme song organized around the principles which underpin our project and the philosophies we hope to impart here every day. The result, "The Awl, The Song (Hair Metal Version)" is ready to be thrust upon a waiting world. We hope you enjoy it as much as we do. And keep an eye out for the column; it's going to change your life. [WARNING: There is a bad word in this track, so if you're listening at work, turn the volume down.] READ MORE