This is how you do it in the new South, which is the new Wild Wild West: "Miami police chief says he was offered $400,000 to leave the city." Oh yeah! You can't get the goods to fire the chief of police—Somehow? Despite "a botched anti-corruption probe, and videos showing officers beating partiers on Halloween" and a reality show pilot that was like a Steven Seagal movie but more racist—you just offer him something shy of half a million to slink away. Good stuff: "The battle between the police chief and the mayor began over a year ago, in April 2010, after a series of botched, high-profile [...]

"Mary Maioriello, an employee at O. D. Heck until she resigned this year, said a culture of abuse continued. Ms. Maioriello was hired as a trainee last year, and witnessed several disturbing episodes. In one case, two employees played a game they called 'Fetch,' throwing French fries on the floor and laughing as one resident dived to get them, while another jumped out of his recliner and a third ate them off the floor." —In the event that you're having too nice a day today, what with the sun shining and all, you may want to read the story in the Times about the abuse of developmentally disabled residents at [...]