Posts Tagged: Conspiracies

A Cronut Conspiracy

The Cronut™ has been with us for a year now. In that time, the mutant pastry has sapped millions of hours from people's lives: from the people who line up each day as the dawn breaks to taste one, lured by tales of its creamy center and precise flakiness; from the hundreds of cooks laboring at other, lesser bakeries to create passable knockoffs to foist upon their own unsuspecting customers; from the billions of people reading, watching and hearing about them, despite their best intentions, thanks to utterly endless media coverage; and from the writers and journalists tasked by their editors with fomenting Cronut™ mania week after week, day [...]


Exposing The Evil Cult Of Bilderberg, With Your Host Alex Jones

We were talking about the imminence of global tyranny. Kathy Brafford, a middle-aged woman from Olivia, N.C., fought back tears. All afternoon she'd been holding a spray-painted placard that read "Bilderberg Evil Cult EXPOSED." I asked her to elaborate. "Devil worship, for one. Certainly pedophilia," she said, gesturing toward the Westfields Marriott Hotel. "Must be at least a couple pedophiles in there. Read the Book of Revelation and see what God does to ‘em." Her voice quivered. "There's a special place in Hell for these people."

Kathy was first made aware of the Bilderberg Group by multi-platform media personality Alex Jones, whose three-hour radio broadcast she listened to each weekday. [...]


Who Knows What About the Great Ebook Price-Fixing Conspiracy?

Blech, it's going to take ages for the thirty-odd different class action suits against Apple and/or various book publishers and Amazon and Barnes & Noble for ebook price-fixing to get consolidated and settled, at which time, in 2018, we all get checks for 30 cents and sign away our rights to further recourse and then keep buying ebooks from this cartel. Meanwhile, there's apparently a smoking gun, or someone who claims they saw a gun smoking, at least: a source who says he or she was privy to the actual alleged strategy for price-fixing. (This person, or others similarly situated, should feel free to email us to tell all.)


Sarah Palin's Common Sense

Sarah Palin is concerned about a lot of things that are happening in this great nation of ours, but perhaps nothing is more disturbing than the terrible conspiracy to remove "In God We Trust" from the new presidential dollar coins. (The phrase was engraved on the coins' edge.) At a top-secret speech in Wisconsin on Friday, the former Alaska governor broached this very serious subject, asking, "Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that?" Turns out, it was the U.S. Mint! And it's since been reversed! But that's okay, Sarah's still kind of new to the Internet and stuff; we're sure she'll learn about [...]


Your Conspiracy Theories Began 700 Years Ago Today

Jacques de Molay was burned at the stake 700 years ago this week. The unfinished cathedral of Notre-Dame de Paris—its towers completed just 65 years earlier—stood nearby as de Molay went up in flames. His death sparked conspiracy theories that have traveled through the centuries, across oceans and Ivy League campuses, and onto our flat-screen TVs.

As the last Grand Master of the Knights Templar, de Molay was considered a heretic by both the French Monarchy and the papacy. King Philip IV of France had him tortured and burned, slowly, on the Île de la Cité, the tiny Parisian Island in the Seine. It was March 18, 1314—give or [...]


What Sinister Forces Murdered All These U.S. Presidents?

What happens when a candidate wins the presidential race and gets that first top-level security briefing in the Oval Office? The comedian Bill Hicks had a pretty good idea, which he explained not long after Bill Clinton was inaugurated.

"No matter what you promise on the campaign trail," Hicks said in a 1993 routine, "when you win, you go into this smoke-filled room with the 12 industrialist capitalist scum-fucks who got you in there. And you're in this smoky room, and this little film screen comes down, and a big guy with a cigar goes, 'Roll the film.' And it's a shot of the Kennedy assassination from an angle [...]


A Conspiracy of Hogs: The McRib as Arbitrage

One of McDonald’s most divisive products, the McRib, made its return last week. For three decades, the sandwich has come in and out of existence, popping up in certain regional markets for short promotions, then retreating underground to its porky lair—only to be revived once again for reasons never made entirely clear. Each time it rolls out nationwide, people must again consider this strange and elusive product, whose unique form sets it deep in the Uncanny Valley—and exactly why its existence is so fleeting.

The McRib was introduced in 1982—1981 according to some sources—and was created by McDonald’s former executive chef Rene Arend, the same man who invented the Chicken [...]


True Dog… Detective

You remember Cody the screaming dog, no doubt, that viral dog video from last summer. (If you don't… get ready.) Cody screams. Screams as if all of life is endless torture. Maybe you didn't look very closely though. That's right. Maybe you were just looking at Cody. Not the spaces between.


"Homeland": And Then They All Died, Except Chris Brody, The End

Is "Homeland" "Buffy"? Spoilers and theories.


NAFTA-AMERO HIGHWAY OPENS! The United States of Mexicanada!

"Mexican truckers will be able to carry goods deep into the United States, and vice versa, under the terms of a deal signed Wednesday in Mexico City to end a 17-year-old trade dispute." —This is how it all starts—and how it all ends. NATO! NAFTA! One world currency! Black helicopters going up the Mississippi! Ayn Rand foresaw it all! The World Bank is taking over our highway system!