What happens when a candidate wins the presidential race and gets that first top-level security briefing in the Oval Office? The comedian Bill Hicks had a pretty good idea, which he explained not long after Bill Clinton was inaugurated.

"No matter what you promise on the campaign trail," Hicks said in a 1993 routine, "when you win, you go into this smoke-filled room with the 12 industrialist capitalist scum-fucks who got you in there. And you're in this smoky room, and this little film screen comes down, and a big guy with a cigar goes, 'Roll the film.' And it's a shot of the Kennedy assassination from an angle [...]

One of McDonald’s most divisive products, the McRib, made its return last week. For three decades, the sandwich has come in and out of existence, popping up in certain regional markets for short promotions, then retreating underground to its porky lair—only to be revived once again for reasons never made entirely clear. Each time it rolls out nationwide, people must again consider this strange and elusive product, whose unique form sets it deep in the Uncanny Valley—and exactly why its existence is so fleeting.

The McRib was introduced in 1982—1981 according to some sources—and was created by McDonald’s former executive chef Rene Arend, the same man who invented the Chicken [...]

Is "Homeland" "Buffy"? Spoilers and theories.

"Mexican truckers will be able to carry goods deep into the United States, and vice versa, under the terms of a deal signed Wednesday in Mexico City to end a 17-year-old trade dispute." —This is how it all starts—and how it all ends. NATO! NAFTA! One world currency! Black helicopters going up the Mississippi! Ayn Rand foresaw it all! The World Bank is taking over our highway system!

Blech, it's going to take ages for the thirty-odd different class action suits against Apple and/or various book publishers and Amazon and Barnes & Noble for ebook price-fixing to get consolidated and settled, at which time, in 2018, we all get checks for 30 cents and sign away our rights to further recourse and then keep buying ebooks from this cartel. Meanwhile, there's apparently a smoking gun, or someone who claims they saw a gun smoking, at least: a source who says he or she was privy to the actual alleged strategy for price-fixing. (This person, or others similarly situated, should feel free to email us to tell all.)

Sarah Palin is concerned about a lot of things that are happening in this great nation of ours, but perhaps nothing is more disturbing than the terrible conspiracy to remove "In God We Trust" from the new presidential dollar coins. (The phrase was engraved on the coins' edge.) At a top-secret speech in Wisconsin on Friday, the former Alaska governor broached this very serious subject, asking, "Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that?" Turns out, it was the U.S. Mint! And it's since been reversed! But that's okay, Sarah's still kind of new to the Internet and stuff; we're sure she'll learn about [...]