"If that is happening, it shows that there is use of condoms and I think that is a very positive story. Athletes are being responsible." -Commonwealth Games Federation President Mike Fennell addresses reports that the drainage system in the athlete's village cannot handle the thousands of condoms that have been flushed down its toilets. The Games-the quadrennial athletic competition between current and former members of the British empire-have already been plagued by late construction, wild dogs, snakes, dengue fever, and, of course packs of rampaging monkeys. I guess it's good that Fennell can still try to see the bright side.

The Commonwealth Games-the quadrennial athletic competition between current and former members of the British empire-begin this Sunday in Delhi, India, and have been plagued with difficulties, particularly at the athletes' village, which is still under construction. The athletes are also being bothered by snakes, stray dogs and, of course, monkeys. And how do you solve a problem like monkeys? Bigger monkeys!

Here is a video of the famous langur monkeys that have been deployed to patrol next week's Commonwealth Games in New Delhi. They look pretty effective. But, as the broadcaster from Sri Lanka's ITN news channel notes, "It's doubtful if Olympic officials will be considering a similar approach for the London 2012 Games." He's right. Monkeys won't work in London. The problems there will have to be solved by recruiting bigger, drunker yobs than the normal drunken yobs-langur yobs, if you will-and arming them with even sharper shards of broken glass.

The continuing saga of the Commonwealth Games: "BRITISH athletes set to compete at the blighted Commonwealth Games have been struck down by a contagious vomiting bug…. Worried team bosses have quarantined up to 14 athletes from Team Wales – fearing the bug could spread to the whole party, including Team England and Team Scotland, and ruin British medal prospects. The setback comes just days before athletes from all three nations were due to fly to New Delhi for the start of the Games in India this weekend." On the bright side, maybe the vomiting will scare away the monkeys.