Look down. Can you see your knees? Today's a Thursday, so then you had better either be south of the 30th parallel north—Shreveport, say!—or "working at home" and totally naked. READ MORE

"Button-down" is the most misused word in men's clothing. A button-down, you know, is a men's dress or "business" shirt which has collars that are each secured down to the front panel of the shirt by... a button! Shocking, I know. But we have become confused however with the button-front shirt, which nearly all men's office-type shirts are, as they have buttons as well, just down the front, not at the collar-tips, and also the popular phrase, "button-down culture," which technically means a culture of uniformity. (And when I say "dress shirt," I do not mean the shirt intended for use in formal evening wear, or what we would call black tie—what is also popularly referred to as the "tuxedo," which, please don't say tuxedo. I mean shirts that are not t-shirts, basically, my dudes.) So now that we are all very clear on what a button-down shirt is, we can talk about when it is acceptable for a man to wear it. READ MORE

Once upon a time-to be specific, 1992 in San Francisco-a friend and I saw a t-shirt in a gay store that read simply "Let go of my ears, I know what I'm doing." Oh how we laughed. Mostly because, JESUS, REALLY? Now-and surely we are late to this horrible party, but, so sad, not so late that we didn't accidentally ever find out about it-there is a huge online store of "witty gay t-shirts." We learned this because they advertise on everyone's fave raunchy gossip blog Dlisted, and good for them. But still, basically, if I see any of you in these, you are on your own.