Look down. Can you see your knees? Today's a Thursday, so then you had better either be south of the 30th parallel north—Shreveport, say!—or "working at home" and totally naked.

Because if you're in the office, and you work anywhere but the International Society for the Advancement of Shorts, you should go home and change.

The question has even been asked: can a man wear shorts at all, ever, anywhere?

On the eve of my 28th birthday last month, I sat down to my computer prepared to purchase what my dad calls "proper pants." Closer to 30 than I'd ever been before, I decided I'd like to enter the next couple of years owning at least a few pairs of trousers that weren't denim, or at least not denim purchased at Uniqlo (one of the better reasons to live in New York, in my opinion).

"Button-down" is the most misused word in men's clothing. A button-down, you know, is a men's dress or "business" shirt which has collars that are each secured down to the front panel of the shirt by… a button! Shocking, I know. But we have become confused however with the button-front shirt, which nearly all men's office-type shirts are, as they have buttons as well, just down the front, not at the collar-tips, and also the popular phrase, "button-down culture," which technically means a culture of uniformity. (And when I say "dress shirt," I do not mean the shirt intended for use in formal evening wear, or what we would [...]

Once upon a time-to be specific, 1992 in San Francisco-a friend and I saw a t-shirt in a gay store that read simply "Let go of my ears, I know what I'm doing." Oh how we laughed. Mostly because, JESUS, REALLY? Now-and surely we are late to this horrible party, but, so sad, not so late that we didn't accidentally ever find out about it-there is a huge online store of "witty gay t-shirts." We learned this because they advertise on everyone's fave raunchy gossip blog Dlisted, and good for them. But still, basically, if I see any of you in these, you are on your own.

Recently our neighbors at Flavorwire picked their ten best-dressed characters from literature. It's fascinating, if slightly heavy on film adaptions. ("Isabelle Huppert in Claude Chabrol's Madame Bovary (1991)." No, that would be Gustave Flaubert's Madame Bovary (1856)!) Isn't the best part of novels their ability to evoke striking images in the mind alone? Let's see if we can help!