Posts Tagged: Cellphones

Cellphones Probably Killing You But What Are You Gonna Do?

"[M]odern technology (the source of the humanmade electromagnetic fields discussed here) has fueled a remarkable degree of innovation, productivity, and improvement in the quality of life. If tomorrow the power grid went down, all cell phone networks would cease operation, millions of computers around the world wouldn’t turn on, and the night would be illuminated only by candlelight and the moon—we’d have a lot less EMF exposure, but at the cost of the complete collapse of modern society. EMF isn’t just a by-product of modern society. EMF, and our ability to harness it for technological purposes, is the cornerstone of modern society. Sanitation, food production and storage, health care—these are [...]


Next Time You Drop Your Phone In The Toilet, Tell Yourself You're Charging It

"Human urine has been used to charge a mobile phone in a major breakthrough for researchers. Just half a litre of waste generated enough power to make a six-minute phone call and to send several text messages."


Assholism Communicable

"Researchers concluded that a person was twice as likely to talk on a mobile, or check for messages, if a companion did the same."


Everyone Bad

"According to a study by Symantec, 96 percent of people who picked up the lost phones tried to access personal or business data on the device. In 45 percent of cases, people tried to access the corporate email client on the device."


Jersey Mayhem: Man Accused Of Stealing Two Cases Of Corona From Bar, Throwing Bodily Fluids At Police Officer

First of all, let's get this out of the way, the bodily fluids in question were not contained inside the bottles of Corona. In fact, the bodily fluids were not "thrown," apparently, despite the official charges, they were spit. And, they were just spit. Nevertheless, this is a story from the "Jersey Mayhem" section of the Asbury Park Press that really earns the distinction.


People Talking On Their Cell Phones Miss The Darnedest Things

"We investigated the effects of divided attention during walking," write researchers at Western Washington University in a study to be published in December. "Individuals were classified based on whether they were walking while talking on a cell phone, listening to an MP3 player, walking without any electronics or walking in a pair. In the first study, we found that cell phone users walked more slowly, changed directions more frequently, and were less likely to acknowledge other people than individuals in the other conditions. In the second study, we found that cell phone users were less likely to notice an unusual activity along their walking route (a unicycling clown). Cell [...]


Cellphones And Tumors

Awl co-editor Alex Balk's knowledge may be an inch deep, but it is at least a couple of yards wide. Or, let's say, a yard. Two-and-a-half feet for sure. In any event, he's never let a lack of research keep him from answering a question with a tone of absolute certainty. He will happily address your occasional queries in that same spirit.

A reader writes: "could you please do some research and tell me that this is not true. kthnx." [Link directs you to an Australian "60 Minutes" story on research showing that "prolonged use of mobile phones could double the risk of malignant brain tumours."]


Your Cellphone Makes You Sadder Than You Already Are, And You Are Already Pretty Sad

"If you are constantly on your mobile phone, most onlookers might think you have lots of friends and a busy social life. However, those attached to the [...]


Pilot Finds Way To Get Kids' Attention

"A group of about 100 high school students traveling from New York to Atlanta were thrown off an AirTran flight, along with their chaperones, after the pilot and crew lost patience with some kids who wouldn't sit down and put away their cellphones."


Twitter-Style Phone Numbers Offered By … Oh Who Cares

"Sprint is doing for mobile phone numbers what internet handles did for electronic mail. For $3 a month, customers can register for a personalized cell phone number. All the numbers begin with two asterisks and end with a name or another word between 5 and 9 letters or numbers." —Mobile number **SEXTATTOO awaits you!


Phone Penisy

Why are cellphones getting bigger? Because they are replacement cocks.


Your Obnoxious Cell Phone Chatter May Prevent Alzheimer's

Could the radiation beamed at your head through your cell phone actually save you from Alzheimer's disease? That's what some scientists from Florida are suggesting, after conducting experiments on mice in which the rodents were exposed to the electro-magnetic fields associated with portable phones for a period of nine months. Turns out that "the Alzheimer's mice performed as well on tests measuring memory and thinking skills as aged mice without dementia. If older Alzheimer's mice already showing memory problems were exposed to the electro-magnetic waves, their memory impairment disappeared." Scientists caution that further research needs to be conducted, and also note that once you teach mice how to [...]


Cell Outs: The Video

Montagist extraordinaire Rich "fourfour" Juzwiak (OMG spellcheck is not happy with any of that) does it again, assembling a collection of busted cellphone scenes from horror flicks. The man is doing the Lord's work.


'City That Never Sleeps' Thing Taken Way Too Seriously

"A straphanger closed his eyes for a split second last week — while he sneezed — and had his cellphone snatched out of his hand, police said."


What Side Of Your Brain Are You Giving Cancer To?

"A new study suggests that people with left-brain dominance tend to listen to their mobile phones with their right ear, and vice-versa."


Cellphones Are Creating The Monsters Of The Future

"Pregnant women who use mobile phones may be putting their babies at risk of developing behavioural problems, scientists have warned."


We Are Willing Slaves to Purveyors of Telephones

Cellphone contracts represent both the semi-sexual climax and death rattle of our civilization. This magical meeting of law, technology and corporate bravado has created a whole wild new frontier of consumer interaction, undoing along the way centuries of prevailing thought about the customer being "right" and having any power of "voting with their dollars." It's remarkable what we chose to accept! But if you think we have it bad in America? Try dealing with canceling a cellphone contract in France: "Go to the United States and once you are there, go to the Mairie de Californie (aka the 'city hall of California') and get them to write you [...]


The Old Ball-and-Chain-and-Anal-Probe

This is almost certainly too good to check, so I'm not gonna. Anyway, to Jeddah: "Saudi men have the habit of saving their wives' mobile telephone numbers under a variety of pseudonyms and titles to avoid them being detected by prying eyes, but one husband of 17 years found himself in hot water with his better half when she discovered that she had been recorded on his names list under the less than flattering 'Guantanamo'."

The upset wife is demanding financial compensation for her hurt feelings and threatening divorce. The guy should probably just pay up and get her off his back: Everyone knows how difficult it is to [...]


If this post were a "light messaging" phone it would be pulsing red right now.

Mood rings are the new iPhones! RELATED: I hate everybody.