The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:40:11 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Britain Is Full Of Cats http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/britain-is-full-of-cats http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/britain-is-full-of-cats#comments Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:40:11 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/britain-is-full-of-cats
Is a monstrous feline stalking Knifecrime Island, ready to pounce with its blade-like claws and slash all that the island nation's benighted people hold dear? Yes. And yes.

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Is a monstrous feline stalking Knifecrime Island, ready to pounce with its blade-like claws and slash all that the island nation's benighted people hold dear? Yes. And yes.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/britain-is-full-of-cats/feed 10 Shop Tiny http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/shop-tiny http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/shop-tiny#comments Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:10:38 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/shop-tiny Is this the world's tiniest liquor store? Sure, why the hell not.

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]]> Is this the world's tiniest liquor store? Sure, why the hell not.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/shop-tiny/feed 0 Let's Bomb the Falklands! http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/lets-bomb-the-falklands http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/lets-bomb-the-falklands#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:00:21 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/lets-bomb-the-falklands It's almost the 30th anniversary of the Falkands War! If you forget why that war was fought, well, let old Maggie explain it to you: "We fought to show that aggression does not pay and that the robber cannot be allowed to get away with his swag." So to celebrate, England is sending over the HMS Dauntless, which is "'armed with a battery of missiles that could "take out all of South America's fighter aircraft let alone Argentina's,' according to one Navy source." They will retain these thoroughly crappy little islands off the coast of Argentina! Who wouldn't want them? Meanwhile, it's a war of words between the two weirdo nations about who's actually a colonialist. Yay, war! Let's nuke something.

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]]> It's almost the 30th anniversary of the Falkands War! If you forget why that war was fought, well, let old Maggie explain it to you: "We fought to show that aggression does not pay and that the robber cannot be allowed to get away with his swag." So to celebrate, England is sending over the HMS Dauntless, which is "'armed with a battery of missiles that could "take out all of South America's fighter aircraft let alone Argentina's,' according to one Navy source." They will retain these thoroughly crappy little islands off the coast of Argentina! Who wouldn't want them? Meanwhile, it's a war of words between the two weirdo nations about who's actually a colonialist. Yay, war! Let's nuke something.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/lets-bomb-the-falklands/feed 14 British Beauty Speaks Her Mind http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-beauty-speaks-her-mind http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-beauty-speaks-her-mind#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:40:32 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-beauty-speaks-her-mind "Some bars don't let you in if you're not 'dressed right'. I wasn't allowed in one back home because I was showing the tattoos on my thighs. I couldn't give a damn though, I've near enough got my arse out tonight."

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]]> "Some bars don't let you in if you're not 'dressed right'. I wasn't allowed in one back home because I was showing the tattoos on my thighs. I couldn't give a damn though, I've near enough got my arse out tonight."

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-beauty-speaks-her-mind/feed 5 British Man Commits Treason http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-man-commits-treason http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-man-commits-treason#comments Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:50:52 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-man-commits-treason "Design aside, you've got to question the capacity. The pint is too much. These colossal containers made sense back when Britain was a manufacturing power and when sweaty browed folk could quaff large quantities of liquid (often around 3-4% ABV) after a hard day hitting stuff, building things and generally working up a mighty thirst. But they're outdated in a nation where more people work in marketing and PR than manufacturing, where the majority of construction lies in building the hopes of deluded reality TV contestants or mountains of debt. Why don't we drink smaller measures? The pint really is an absurd amount of liquid when you think about it. That the only other drink sold in pints is milk says it all. Lovingly crafted beer shouldn't be classified as a commodity like semi-skimmed – it's a quality artisan product deserving of reverence equal to wine and spirits."
—Man, they are gonna carve this guy up and throw the little bits left of him into the pond. [Via]

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]]> "Design aside, you've got to question the capacity. The pint is too much. These colossal containers made sense back when Britain was a manufacturing power and when sweaty browed folk could quaff large quantities of liquid (often around 3-4% ABV) after a hard day hitting stuff, building things and generally working up a mighty thirst. But they're outdated in a nation where more people work in marketing and PR than manufacturing, where the majority of construction lies in building the hopes of deluded reality TV contestants or mountains of debt. Why don't we drink smaller measures? The pint really is an absurd amount of liquid when you think about it. That the only other drink sold in pints is milk says it all. Lovingly crafted beer shouldn't be classified as a commodity like semi-skimmed – it's a quality artisan product deserving of reverence equal to wine and spirits."
—Man, they are gonna carve this guy up and throw the little bits left of him into the pond. [Via]

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/british-man-commits-treason/feed 10 Bear Repellent Used For Unintended Purpose http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/bear-repellent-used-for-unintended-purpose http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/bear-repellent-used-for-unintended-purpose#comments Thu, 26 Jan 2012 11:30:54 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/bear-repellent-used-for-unintended-purpose Life, with its infinite variety, never ceases to amaze: "A 'swinging' couple, Stephen Barclay and Leanne Reid, appeared in court on assault charges after a stranger who spent the weekend with them had bear repellent sprayed in his face." As this story takes place in Britain you will be unsurprised to learn that the threat of knife violence also plays a role.

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]]> Life, with its infinite variety, never ceases to amaze: "A 'swinging' couple, Stephen Barclay and Leanne Reid, appeared in court on assault charges after a stranger who spent the weekend with them had bear repellent sprayed in his face." As this story takes place in Britain you will be unsurprised to learn that the threat of knife violence also plays a role.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/bear-repellent-used-for-unintended-purpose/feed 2 Today In Knife Crime http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/today-in-knife-crime http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/today-in-knife-crime#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 10:40:22 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/today-in-knife-crime "The brother of a murder victim chased a dog walker with a samurai sword the day before his mother held a march against knife crime."

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]]> "The brother of a murder victim chased a dog walker with a samurai sword the day before his mother held a march against knife crime."

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/today-in-knife-crime/feed 2 Knives Out In (Where Else?) Britain http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/knives-out-in-where-else-britain http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/knives-out-in-where-else-britain#comments Thu, 19 Jan 2012 12:00:26 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/knives-out-in-where-else-britain While overall crime in England and Wales was down 4% last year, "[t]he number of knifepoint robberies rose by 10%." Robbery in general was up 4%, but there's no indication how much of that was caused by the epidemic of hugger-muggery sweeping the Island. [Via]

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]]> While overall crime in England and Wales was down 4% last year, "[t]he number of knifepoint robberies rose by 10%." Robbery in general was up 4%, but there's no indication how much of that was caused by the epidemic of hugger-muggery sweeping the Island. [Via]

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/knives-out-in-where-else-britain/feed 2 The End Of Glassing http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/the-end-of-glassing http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/the-end-of-glassing#comments Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:50:16 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/the-end-of-glassing Horror in Britain, where a new generation is so enraptured by its digital playthings that it does not even know how to use a bottle properly. Next they'll be using knives to cut food. Oh, what a world.

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]]> Horror in Britain, where a new generation is so enraptured by its digital playthings that it does not even know how to use a bottle properly. Next they'll be using knives to cut food. Oh, what a world.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/the-end-of-glassing/feed 5 Hugcrime Island http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/hugcrime-island http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/hugcrime-island#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:50:09 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/hugcrime-island "Revellers in Manchester have been warned to be on their guard following a spate of thefts by 'hugger muggers,' who cuddle their target while picking their pockets." Hugger muggers! Now all I have to do is come up with a rhyme for "stabbers" and I can predict the next crime wave.

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]]> "Revellers in Manchester have been warned to be on their guard following a spate of thefts by 'hugger muggers,' who cuddle their target while picking their pockets." Hugger muggers! Now all I have to do is come up with a rhyme for "stabbers" and I can predict the next crime wave.

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