Shock and awe, people! The City Council did indeed ban all smoking in New York parks (and "pedestrian plazas," which is how Times Square gets in there). Start your lawyers! Tell it, Councilmember Erik Dilan: "I guess if somebody wants to have a cigarette, they have to smoke in a bike lane." Analysts estimate that the real winners in this legislation are those annoying, self-righteous people who begin to cough loudly and theatrically when they see you with a cigarette from twenty feet away; they finally have the opportunity they so ardently desire to get someone in trouble for doing something that brings them joy. The losers [...]

"Former Florida GOP Gov. Jeb Bush said Tuesday that he is 'not running' for president in 2012." -I don't really believe it but okay. *Running to my room, slamming the door, weeping for a while.*

"The Commission brings this securities fraud action against Goldman, Sachs & Co. ('GS&Co') and a GS&Co employee, Fabrice Tourre ('Tourre'), for making materially misleading statements and omissions in connection with a synthetic collateralized debt obligation ('CDO') GS&Co structured and marketed to investors." So begins the most amazing complaint to yet come out of the financial meltdown. What the SEC is doing, it seems to me, after doing their reporting, is recasting a rather common business practice as a crime-which is, quite likely, how it should have been considered all along. And the language is rough!

Holy Jesus, a giant bomb just went off in L.A. and it's only 6:25 a.m.-according to the News Source that is Ryan Seacrest's Twitter, Ben Silverman, the boy wonder noodlehead of NBC, is finally out and off to a whole new (yet not new) world. (Thank God someone follows Seacrest's Twitter.) According to Seacrest (and I can't believe I had to write that), Silverman is going off to form his own studio. Thing is… he already had his own studio. Which sold TV shows to NBC. Here's Ryan's take! "This means better shows from our favorite stars in u.s. and around the world." Hey, wow, he is my [...]

BREAKING! The President made a special stop in Iraq! Probably to do secret Muslim stuff. You know how he is.

"A federal judge has issued a nationwide injunction stopping enforcement of the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, ending the military's 17-year-old ban on openly gay troops."

So goes the Washington Post news alert: "BP says oil has stopped leaking into the Gulf for the first time since April. BP has been slowly dialing down the flow as part of a test on a new cap. Engineers are now monitoring the pressure to see if the busted well holds." The Times says: "Oil Flow From Well Has Stopped as Cap Is Tested, BP Says."

These Everybody's Nuts brand pistachios were on sale at the Giant, right by the regular pistachios, and I was feeling cheap and in a hurry so I bought them. They are terrible.

I should have known not to buy pistachios that come in flavors. Pistachios should taste like pistachios and salt. But so I tried to get the most normal-sounding flavors I could: one bag of "European roast" and one of "salt & pepper." Pepper's pretty inoffensive, right?

According to NPR, David Souter is retiring from the Supreme Court. Rumors began when he didn't hire this season's clerks. According to Andy Cooper on the CNN, a "source close to Souter" confirms it. What can we say? Thanks for waiting beyond January 20, 2009! Also now you can please let us know if Clarence Thomas is actually still physically capable of speaking, or if he needs a Darth Vader helmet to manufacture his voice.

Gay couples in California should hurry up and get married, like, RIGHT NOW, as Judge Vaughn Walker, who ruled the ban on same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional, has denied a motion to stay the judgment. Like, seriously, just go do it. [UPDATE: You'll have to wait until August 18th.] Because let's be honest, we've only got a few months left of equality and respect for human rights in this country and then we're all pretty much screwed. You might as well get some nice cookware out of it while you still can.

When Gizmodo editor Jason Chen's computer was seized Friday night (as part of the investigation into Apple's missing/stolen iPhone), after the issuance of a search warrant, Gawker Media's lawyer/COO Gaby Darbyshire claimed that the warrant was invalid, due to reporter privilege. She may actually be correct! If the police are seeking "unpublished information," which they clearly are through the seizure, then they would seem to be in violation of California evidence code. Nick Denton's memo to the staff, issued this afternoon, is his shortest to date: "Sorry to keep you in the dark about this until we were ready to go public. We were trying to resolve [...]

BlackBerry e-mail service down! REPEAT: BlackBerry e-mail service down! Glad I'm not you!

says Reuters.