Uh, wow, I clearly need to pay much more attention to the advertising around me. @4:20 PM 4
What Has Two Thumbs And Hates The African Pregnancy Story? @2:00 PM
I have a confession to make: I have deliberately ignored a remarkable story that has been growing in popularity across these Internets because I did not want anyone out there to get the wrong idea. You may have already heard about this somewhere else, but on the off chance that you have not I will indeed abide by the Blogger Code of Ethical Practice and share it with you. It is an issue about which I have serious reservations, but I am chastened by having been remiss in my duties and I hereby make amends. Let's begin. READ MORE 37
Female Short-Nosed Fruit Bats Are The Best Animals Ever @12:20 PM
Just in time for Halloween: Chinese scientists investigating the mating habits of short-nosed fruit bats observed that the female bats frequently perform fellatio on the males during intercourse, and that mating sessions were shown to last longer when fellatio was performed. Which is a valuable lesson that everyone out there should take to heart, am I right, fellas? (There is actual bat blowjob video at the link, if you are so inclined.) 9
Australian Passenger Was Not Sucking That Guy's Dick @8:45 AM
"It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me. But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job."
—Darwin waitress Allyson White denies speculation that she was performing oral sex on the driver of a car that crashed last week in Australia's Northern Territory. [Please click through, this is far from the best quote in the article.] 28
Horrifying Burger King Ad Ruins All That Is Holy @10:51 AM
I never thought this day would come, but I have finally found something that makes me disgusted by the very concept of blowjobs. I hate you, Burger King! 24
The Yield Curve Explained (Includes Blowjobs) @12:53 PM
Yesterday Bloomberg's Caroline Baum wrote a column on the yield curve, which she claims is the best economic indicator available. Or at least that's what I think she said; although she took great care to explain it, my brain goes into automatic lockdown once anything more complicated than division is discussed. I appealed to the wise folk of the Internet to help sort it out for me, ideally using phrases like, "Let's say you have two apples," or "The yield curve is like a bowl of fruit." Reuters' Felix Salmon kindly obliged, going so far as to use those examples. It started to make sense! Then Awl pal Jasmine put it in terms that were even more understandable to me: terms that included "blow jobs." READ MORE 6
