Are you pregnant now, and in your second trimester? Then you are obviously the most selfish human in the world, and your terribleness will bring forth a child of great evil, who will shower devastation upon the country and usher in a new dark era of rising tides and a catastrophe of the climate.

Oh, wait, that was happening anyway? Cause and effect is so COMPLICATED. Sorry, no, your baby is fine! As you were! I'll buy it a nice cashmere blanket that it can barf on.

But apparently people were traipsing up and down stairs with buckets of water, people were watching their kitty cats float away, [...]

Here's some maybe-potential copyright infringement that someone else made that is hosted by Google and "embedded" here to celebrate our freedom today! I think the hardest thing about yesterday's protest blackout was, stealthily, the lack of Craigslist, not Wikipedia, actually.

Waikiki 2000

Resurface: The living room of my friend Devin's Waikiki apartment was full of light from a noonday sky. Looking around the room, fully dressed on the couch, I saw my boyfriend on the air-mattress below. I was awash in a feeling of peace right up until I vomited a purple-red gusher.

Remembered: On a rock formation off of Diamond Head that jutted into the Pacific we sat surrounded by water and warm ocean breezes while we waited both for the New Year's fireworks and for our ecstasy to hit. The lightweight in the group, I was feeling it already as two children approached us asking immediately, [...]