Posts Tagged: Beverages

Coffee Merely Good

"Whatever happened to good?" asks the white man with graying hair, dad khakis and an alarmingly large face as he fills his mug with coffee brewed from beans which were picked by poor farmers who make less than a few dollars a day for working the vast plantations that produce the beans, which are shipped to large industrial facilities to be toasted, pulverized into a dry, soil-like mass and eventually dumped into large blue tubs bearing the logo of Maxwell House, a billion-dollar brand of Kraft Foods, mega-purveyor of chemically ingenious foodstuffs, which is keen to regain its status as the biggest coffee seller in the United [...]


Happy "Be Conscientious With Beverages Around Your Laptop" Day

Since time immemorial, human beings have loved to consume beverages-and loved to use computers. So I hereby declare today to be an important annual holiday with regard to laptop and logic board safety. How many laptops have we seen destroyed by a forgotten cup of coffee or a dripping bottle of Vitamin Water? This is especially true for those who foolishly keep iguanas and cats and other pesky critters in their homes. So many. So take time today to move those beverages back! Let's set a two-foot perimeter today. Maybe you can create a special beverage place farther from your typing area? The future-you will thank today-you when you [...]


Four Loko Still Pouring into New York City

Crazy upper-downer beverage Four Loko was banned in New York City and elsewhere, so then its makers removed caffeine from their delicious secret recipe—and now, thanks to the controversy, it's become a very popular beverage! As proof, we offer this weekend's delivery receipt from a little Carroll Gardens deli. Congratulations, lawmakers and scandal sheets: you made a terrible, sugary, very large, alcohol-full malt beverage an extremely popular endrunkening beverage of choice.


Four Loko Delivered Just What Its Marketing Department Promised

Back in July, in assessing the sudden prominence of awful beverage Four Loko in rap, we decided that "rap songs about consumer goods will never be the same again." But there were bigger things on the horizon for Four Loko. In New York, the Latin Kings forced their rape victim to chug 10 cans of Four Loko before torturing him. Out west, a bunch of Central Washington University students "over-dosed" on the drink. New Jersey's Ramapo College has banned it from their campus. To put it mildly, and to stress the least important part of these stories, Four Loko has had a rough month for [...]