"Woman-beating rage-broccoli Chris Brown lip-synced his single 'Turn Up The Music' (without being threatened by Sir Elton John) and danced roughly as well as a third-rate Chicago footwork dancer. He ended his performance by back-flipping off the stage, though sadly not off the earth." —Good riddance to bad garbage. We will largely sign on to this take on last night's Grammys, although casting Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "I Will Always Love You" as "technically adequate," Sasha Frere-Jones, is a full-on LIE and not at all okay. Also congratulations go to Grammy winner Betty White—beating out Tina Fey… and Val Kilmer. Who knew.

Science has yet to determine the long-term effects memeification can have on a person. Rick Astley's tenure as automated punchline has spanned three years, max, and the man's been more than a good sport about it. Yet who knows what manner of existential abyss has begun to open inside him? Conan O'Brien, as far as we can tell, has been reduced to the color orange. Neil Armstrong refuses to talk about the moon landing and wanted to sue a barber for selling his hair. And 88-year-old Betty White, by popular demand, will be hosting Saturday Night Live on May 8, 2010.

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RT @theviewtv We have a 'Golden Girl' coming to visit us on Monday! http://ow.ly/1Wnn0 ••• Gee, I wonder which one?Wed Jun 09 19:58:54 via webNancy Franklinnancyfranklin

The Internet's desire to kill any celebrity was at its peak last summer [Ed. note: "The Summer of Death"], in the wake of Michael Jackson's passing; in recent months, Twitter-borne rumors of dead celebrities had mostly gone dormant, perhaps waiting for the days to get longer and peoples' internal BS detectors to grow more sun-addled. The fake-death spectre did, however, rear its head last night, when some joker at the multiheaded gossip hydra Oh No They Didn't decided to mock up a TMZ screenshot claiming that Betty White had gone to the Miami retirement complex in the sky.

The preliminary ratings suggested this, but the official numbers are out now, and Betty White hosting Saturday Night Live brought in 12.1 million viewers. The 4.6 rating La Betty pulled in the 18 to 49 set puts that episode of 'SNL' ahead of 'House' and 'Lost' and 'Survivor' and almost on par with 'Glee.' Now many people in the TV industry will try to mimic this success and fail shamefully!