The Hollywood Reporter brings word that Raja Gosnell will direct the forthcoming live-action/animated cinematic adaptation of The Smurfs. Gosnell is "best known for helming 'Scooby-Doo' and 'Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed,' as well as last year's 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua,'" and is expected to bring his expertise with the live action/photorealistic hybrids to bear on the film, which takes place several years after the animated series ended. With Smurf Village decimated by a meth epidemic, the surviving characters spend their days in drug-fuelled orgies of sex and violence. "It's going to be a lot like Last Exit To Brooklyn," says one anonymous source, "but without the compassion." Scarlett Johansson has already been signed to the role of Smurfette, while Viggo Mortensen is expected to handle all other vocal duties.

My sleep was deeply troubled last night, and the early dawn made clear that there would be no catching up the lost hours on the other side of the morning, so I rose early and began trudging down to the Awl offices. Along Second Avenue I found myself behind a gentleman who was wearing the rumpled clothes of the previous evening. At first I thought the might be one of the new summer homeless, but he stopped at the corner and hailed a cab. After telling the driver his destination, he lowered his head and held his face in his hand-the universal symbol of regret. READ MORE

Amid word that Universal will distribute a film adaptation of the classic video game "Asteroids"-there's a first look here, although I don't know why they don't just take the screenplay for Armageddon and change a couple minor characters-the question arises: How many of the scenarios above will also eventually become movies? The answer is, of course, all of them. I am particularly looking forward to Viggo Mortensen's interpretation of the role of Q*Bert. Also, Jesus, remember what it was like to be a kid in the '80s? If you don't, don't answer, I feel old enough already today.

In other news: A donkey "born at Aberdeen's Pet's Corner at Hazlehead Park just as Andy Murray beat Stanislas Wawrinka in Monday night's Wimbledon epic" will either be named for Murray or the late Michael Jackson. "Aberdeen City Council said any suggestions were being sought and an official name would then be decided."

This bizarre BBC clip explaining why the Mexican Jumping Bean jumps is probably best watched while extremely high, so, uh, I'm gonna go do that. Later! [Via]