They came slowly, the franchise films, the grandchildren of the serials. The other night I was in the theater trying to see The Green Hornet for the second time (the first time, the theater started to burn down 30 minutes in, so I had to, like, evacuate (evacuate the theater, I mean, not like, in my pants), and then the next day sit through act one twice, which wasn't really the worst thing), and there was the omnipresent trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. And it suddenly occurred to me that we were on the fourth movie of a franchise built around a really rather terrifically lame amusement park ride. There is also a Pirates of the Caribbean version of Monopoly, you know. (The Amazon reviews note that "the Jail should have been changed to the Brig and Free Parking should have been changed to Free Docking." Which, God, really, are companies that lazy now that they won't even rename Free Parking for us?) Despite how enjoyable Johnny Depp nearly always is (The Tourist excepted), this is a really strange state of cultural affairs. READ MORE

Oooh! "Peter Berg is in talks to direct a big screen adaptation of Hasbro's board game Battleship for Universal Pictures." It may also star Robert Pattinson! (Because everything may also star Robert Pattinson! He's hot right now! And great for SEO!) Anyway, Peter Berg's Battleship, like Ridley Scott's Monopoly, is yet another example of how the POWER OF BRANDING has supplanted the importance of originality, as Hollywood has decided audiences will only pay attention to something they played with/watched as a child/saw the previous installment of. It depresses me. On the other hand, greenlight Charlie Kaufman's Yahtzee or Lars Von Trier's Hungry Hungry Hippos and I promise to be there.