It says something about the time in which we live where you can't read a line like, "A video showing a baby's emotional response to her mother's singing has become an internet hit," and immediately not wonder what the angle is. Like, whatever happened to that innocent era in which we could just bask in the warmth of a mother videotaping her child in tears and continuing to carry on with the behavior that makes the baby cry in the first place instead of cynically suspecting that there is something else going on, probably for profit, the way we do these days? As someone [...]
"From Union Jack booties to 'Born to Rule' sleepwear, the British royal family has joined retailers in offering baby products to mark the arrival of the royal heir. Analysts estimate the baby fever could boost the economy by 240 million pounds ($380 million)."
Why are the babies so sick and obese? Because 93% of American parents are so terrible that they're giving the baby food all the time. Claiming the baby is "hungry" or "won't go to sleep," bad moms are giving the infants solid food way before the infants are medically allowed to have any solid food, which is at six months.
It's hard to imagine being a worse parent, but 40 percent of American parents are so ill-suited to this crucial societal role that they've even managed that: These people are giving the baby food before four months. This curses the innocent baby to a miserable life of "childhood [...]
A notable baby was the victim of a shameless thief last week in San Francisco, and city officials are warning that such crimes are almost certain to occur again. The well known infant's diaper bag had been innocently left unattended at the city's Hall of Justice when the baby's foster mother forgot to the crucial personal item while going through the security line.
The baby, known only as "Baby Nash," is famous because two police officers saved his life with CPR, and also they "drove him to the hospital themselves," which was a selfless sacrifice that saved the baby's life. Earlier, the baby's biological mother had abandoned him somewhere.[...]
Cheesy name for a baby. RT @mikeallenLONDON, December 3, 2012 (AFP) – Britain's Prince William and Kate expecting a baby: palace
— Mark Harris (@MarkHarrisNYC) December 3, 2012
Hahahah! What would you name the possible baby who might someday rule whatever slashed-up crater remains of Britain? London? Palace? Adele? Tell us in the comments! Actually, go talk about it on Tumblr, I hear there's something fun going on over there.
Zach Braff Missed A Golden Opportunity To Nauseate Us When He Passed On The Script To The New Johnson's Baby Shampoo Commercial
Zach Braff must have been too busy to do the voiceover for this new Johnson's baby shampoo commercial that just made me gag and lurch towards the bathroom with my hand cupped over my mouth. I bet he's regretting it now, seeing how it came out. (The voice actually sounds a bit like that of "Mad Men"'s Vincent Kartheiser, who used to do a lot of voiceover work in commercials when he was young. But that couldn't be him now, could it?)
When We Want Your Opinion On The Royal Baby We'll Beat It Out Of You, Just Like Mrs. Thatcher Would Have Wanted
Monarchical spawning excitement gripping the Internet reveals once again that royalty doesn't export well to the United States. We think it's cute. A baby! It's just like Mariah Carey or Jenny McCarthy having a baby to us. It's not: this is a baby born to a long line of beheaders and global pillagers. (So, really, not that different from some of our own celebrity babies.) In reality, this is a very nervous-making day for the Commonwealth, a day on which the cruel tricks of genetics and chance provide any manner of person to possibly be the vastly enriched head of a government (technically "state," PEDANTS point out, but the [...]
"With the warmer weather coming, Caribou Baby’s owner Adriane Stare — who held her bare-bottomed baby Loren atop a cloth diaper as she whispered 'sissss' to him to cue a pee during the discussion — told the group she’d soon open the center's backyard to let babies roam diaper-free outside."
Mad scientists have recreated an extinct frog known for puking up its own babies, hooray for science! The gastric-brooding frog, or Rheobatrachus silus, is described by the Daily Mail as being "long extinct" because the last one died in … 1983. That was a long time ago! Luckily, early forms of refrigeration existed in 1983, so one of the last of these extinct frogs was kept in a freezer all this time.
'We are watching Lazarus arise from the dead, step by exciting step,' said Mike Archer, a professor at the University of New South Wales and the leader of the Lazarus Project team. 'We’ve reactivated dead cells into [...]
Devices like iPhones have a unique name, a string that is usually called a "universally unique identifier." That the word "unique" doesn't ever need any modifier is, I guess, beside the point. It's not just unique, it's unique in the whooooole universe. Sometimes they call it a globally unique identifier. Heh. Anyway, a UUID is 32 characters and four hyphens. There are, according to the math whizzes on Wikipedia, 39 digits in the number representing 32 possible combinations of letters and numbers. That's a really big number, more than there are people, for sure.
This is a helpful thing, for obvious reasons. Wouldn't it be amazing if every human had [...]
Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "Sit down and wipe off your face!"
Alas, the sticky question is whether or not to enlarge our (human) household. My wife and I are both scientists and thus pessimistic by nature, which seems antithetical to the whole process of having and raising a child. In spite of that and after a great deal of talking and thinking, we decided to give it a try. Attempts were initially successful, but then took a tragic turn. And now, months later, after things have returned to "normal," the decision is once again looming, [...]
"Last week, the Internet lit up upon the release of a University of Massachusetts—Amherst study that found white 9-month-old babies were worse than white 5-month-old babies at telling apart African-American babies." —I don't know how I missed this Internet conflagration last week, but I am thankful to whatever animating spirit helped it pass me by. In any event, if you're scoring at home, babies are not racist, according to the researcher who conducted the study. Dogs, on the other hand, are still guilty of anti-Semitism.
"A coroner on Friday opened Australia's fourth inquest into the most notorious and bitterly controversial legal drama in the nation's history: the 1980 death of a 9-week-old baby whose parents say was taken by a dingo from her tent in the Australian Outback." —Yes. 32 years later. Also this quote by the father is very upsetting! "Since the loss of Azaria I have had an abiding fear and paranoia about safety around dingoes. They send a shudder up my spine. It is a hell I have to endure." Gah! Well, sure. (Pictured: a dingo baby.)
"The workers at the Rosarita Fish Shack in Williamsburg were surprised to see a couple pushing a crib on wheels down North Seventh Street on July 4.
They were further stunned when the couple asked if they could push the crib up to one of their sidewalk cafe tables and have their child hang out in it while they ate brunch."
—Yes. Yes. Amazing. Do not miss their photo.
In a surprise transition, the babyness of Williamsburg is increasing exponentially while what we could consider "smart young hipsters" have been moving to Brooklyn Heights, which is simultaneously, and surprisingly, de-babying. GOOD LORD what's next.
Hipster baby [...]
We didn't quite believe it when we saw this on Kate Day's Twitter, but here it is, in the Independent. Biggles George Fittleworth Jackson-Kew. And his sister. Posie Betsy Winifred Jackson-Kew. Who have an older sister. Named Tuppence.
But of course, things are crazy in England. The paper also makes note of the marriage of Peter Wood and Kitty Fox, and please let them hyphenate their names. "Hello, Mrs. Kitty Wood-Fox!"
It should also be noted that another excellent baby shared this announcement page, and her name is Cora Dudgeon. I swoon.
"We were surprised — and more than a little chagrined — to find that babies actively prefer individuals who mistreat someone whose tastes differ from theirs." —But they do. Because human beings are terrible, even when they are tiny and cute. There's nothing to do but wait for death to take you.
"Three men and a 14-year-old boy have been arrested in connection with a violent brawl at a Massachusetts baby shower in which bottles and punches were thrown and furniture was smashed." —If you're expecting a baby and wondering whether guys should be invited to the baby shower, let this serve as a reminder that the answer is always "no."
"A study found that levels of the stress hormone cortisol remain high in ‘cry babies’ even in the days after they have apparently learnt to settle themselves. In other words, the child is still unhappy but just keeping quiet about it."