Posts Tagged: Babies
2

To Sleep, Perchance to Scream

At three in the afternoon when my daughter was about four weeks old, I hit a wall. With my fist, though not very hard, because I was trying to be as quiet as possible. Another day that week, I went into the bathroom, all the lights turned off, and screamed into a towel. Again, I didn't want to make very much noise, because my four-week-old daughter was "sleeping."

There are lots of tiny and useless nuggets of wisdom parents-to-be are given. My favorite is: "Sleep when your baby sleeps." But in the early days, she was never clearly sleeping, and any moment of silence from her corridor meant that we [...]

2

Maybe Shoving Kids In Front Of TVs Isn't The Best Way To Calm Them Down: Study

This is hard to believe, but it turns out that exposing children to the bright screens and flickering lights of television may not in fact help soothe them. The good news is now we also have tablets and smartphones with which to instruct children that they need never be alone with their own thoughts when there is a surface nearby on which something will pop up to provide distraction, so soon enough everyone will be ruined for sustained contemplation and we will thus hasten along this species' destruction in a way that simply fucking up the planet through development and use of fossil fuels might not achieve on its [...]

13

All That We Have Foreseen Has Come To Pass In Brooklyn

"Finnbar! Get in the stroller right now, I mean it!" #brooklyn

— Sam Dolnick (@samdolnick) March 26, 2014

13

When We Want Your Opinion On The Royal Baby We'll Beat It Out Of You, Just Like Mrs. Thatcher Would Have Wanted

Monarchical spawning excitement gripping the Internet reveals once again that royalty doesn't export well to the United States. We think it's cute. A baby! It's just like Mariah Carey or Jenny McCarthy having a baby to us. It's not: this is a baby born to a long line of beheaders and global pillagers. (So, really, not that different from some of our own celebrity babies.) In reality, this is a very nervous-making day for the Commonwealth, a day on which the cruel tricks of genetics and chance provide any manner of person to possibly be the vastly enriched head of a government (technically "state," PEDANTS point out, but the [...]

6

Babies Peeing Everywhere

"With the warmer weather coming, Caribou Baby’s owner Adriane Stare — who held her bare-bottomed baby Loren atop a cloth diaper as she whispered 'sissss' to him to cue a pee during the discussion — told the group she’d soon open the center's backyard to let babies roam diaper-free outside."

3

Jurassic Park Frog Monster Vomits Up Babies

Mad scientists have recreated an extinct frog known for puking up its own babies, hooray for science! The gastric-brooding frog, or Rheobatrachus silus, is described by the Daily Mail as being "long extinct" because the last one died in … 1983. That was a long time ago! Luckily, early forms of refrigeration existed in 1983, so one of the last of these extinct frogs was kept in a freezer all this time.

'We are watching Lazarus arise from the dead, step by exciting step,' said Mike Archer, a professor at the University of New South Wales and the leader of the Lazarus Project team. 'We’ve reactivated dead cells into [...]

24

How to Name Your Baby

Devices like iPhones have a unique name, a string that is usually called a "universally unique identifier." That the word "unique" doesn't ever need any modifier is, I guess, beside the point. It's not just unique, it's unique in the whooooole universe. Sometimes they call it a globally unique identifier. Heh. Anyway, a UUID is 32 characters and four hyphens. There are, according to the math whizzes on Wikipedia, 39 digits in the number representing 32 possible combinations of letters and numbers. That's a really big number, more than there are people, for sure.

This is a helpful thing, for obvious reasons. Wouldn't it be amazing if every human had [...]

1

Who's a Good Trendspotter? You Are, You Are.

"It's never been cooler to look like a baby."

1

Wanted Baby One Step Ahead Of The Law

"Pakistani Baby Goes on the Lam After Being Accused of Attempted Murder" is your headline of the morning, and like all things that are funny at first one finds when reading a little more about the story that is reflective of a larger and considerably less amusing tale of the corruption, violence and hatred that plague us all over the world in different forms. So instead let's focus on the image of a 9-month-old on the run from the fuzz, lying bored on a mattress in safehouse wearing a tanktop and boxers and calling his [...]

0

How To Work From Home With A Baby

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Sad Desk Salad author Jessica Grose tells us about the travails of freelancing.

The heart break of a home office. pic.twitter.com/jDjKvgM15l

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) November 22, 2013

Jessica! I’ve been meaning to ask you about this one for a while. So what happened here?

This was the first time my daughter, who at that point was about 11 months old, realized that when I closed the door to my room I still existed. Or at least that was the first time [...]

8

Williamsburg Is The New Park Slope (Brooklyn Heights Is The New Williamsburg)

"The workers at the Rosarita Fish Shack in Williamsburg were surprised to see a couple pushing a crib on wheels down North Seventh Street on July 4.

They were further stunned when the couple asked if they could push the crib up to one of their sidewalk cafe tables and have their child hang out in it while they ate brunch."

Yes. Yes. Amazing. Do not miss their photo.

In a surprise transition, the babyness of Williamsburg is increasing exponentially while what we could consider "smart young hipsters" have been moving to Brooklyn Heights, which is simultaneously, and surprisingly, de-babying. GOOD LORD what's next.

Hipster baby [...]

4

Baby Names Beyond Parody

We didn't quite believe it when we saw this on Kate Day's Twitter, but here it is, in the Independent. Biggles George Fittleworth Jackson-Kew. And his sister. Posie Betsy Winifred Jackson-Kew. Who have an older sister. Named Tuppence.

But of course, things are crazy in England. The paper also makes note of the marriage of Peter Wood and Kitty Fox, and please let them hyphenate their names. "Hello, Mrs. Kitty Wood-Fox!"

It should also be noted that another excellent baby shared this announcement page, and her name is Cora Dudgeon. I swoon.

1

Babies Suck Too

"We were surprised — and more than a little chagrined — to find that babies actively prefer individuals who mistreat someone whose tastes differ from theirs." But they do. Because human beings are terrible, even when they are tiny and cute. There's nothing to do but wait for death to take you.

1

The Way We Brawl At Baby Showers Now

"Three men and a 14-year-old boy have been arrested in connection with a violent brawl at a Massachusetts baby shower in which bottles and punches were thrown and furniture was smashed." —If you're expecting a baby and wondering whether guys should be invited to the baby shower, let this serve as a reminder that the answer is always "no."

0

White Babies White Racist Babies: Study

"The study revealed when it came to picking a playmate, the babies seemed more tolerant of unfairness when the white recipient benefited from it. They picked the fair experimenter less often when the unfair experimenter gave more toys to the white recipient rather than the Asian one. The researchers say this implies that babies can take into account both race and social history when deciding which person would make a better playmate."

29

Ask Polly: Should I Have This Baby?

Dear Polly,

I feel like at this point I really need the perspective of someone not at all attached to my situation, who has a 'no bullshit' attitude that I'm desperately in need of right now. I'm having a really hard time making an incredibly serious decision. I will try to make this as short as possible.

I broke off a long term (6+ year) relationship about 18 months ago. Shortly thereafter I began dating a guy I knew through mutual friends and a intramural sporting group. We started out just as friends; texting, happy hour, group hangouts, etc. But the texts eventually took a flirty turn and I asked [...]

4

Can You Trust A Crying Baby?

It says something about the time in which we live where you can't read a line like, "A video showing a baby's emotional response to her mother's singing has become an internet hit," and immediately not wonder what the angle is. Like, whatever happened to that innocent era in which we could just bask in the warmth of a mother videotaping her child in tears and continuing to carry on with the behavior that makes the baby cry in the first place instead of cynically suspecting that there is something else going on, probably for profit, the way we do these days? As someone [...]

1

But What Is Kanye West's Baby Doing For Our Economy?

"From Union Jack booties to 'Born to Rule' sleepwear, the British royal family has joined retailers in offering baby products to mark the arrival of the royal heir. Analysts estimate the baby fever could boost the economy by 240 million pounds ($380 million)."

9

You Are Making Your Baby Fat By Feeding Your Baby Food

Why are the babies so sick and obese? Because 93% of American parents are so terrible that they're giving the baby food all the time. Claiming the baby is "hungry" or "won't go to sleep," bad moms are giving the infants solid food way before the infants are medically allowed to have any solid food, which is at six months.

It's hard to imagine being a worse parent, but 40 percent of American parents are so ill-suited to this crucial societal role that they've even managed that: These people are giving the baby food before four months. This curses the innocent baby to a miserable life of "childhood [...]

1

Famous Baby Victim of Brazen Diaper Bag Theft

A notable baby was the victim of a shameless thief last week in San Francisco, and city officials are warning that such crimes are almost certain to occur again. The well known infant's diaper bag had been innocently left unattended at the city's Hall of Justice when the baby's foster mother forgot to the crucial personal item while going through the security line.

The baby, known only as "Baby Nash," is famous because two police officers saved his life with CPR, and also they "drove him to the hospital themselves," which was a selfless sacrifice that saved the baby's life. Earlier, the baby's biological mother had abandoned him somewhere.

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