First they came for the sodas—wait, actually, first they came for the black people. But after the City mounted a sophisticated campaign to harass and subjugate basically all non-white people, up to and including Forest Whitaker, then they came for the sodas.

Now, the New York City council is going to vote to forbid the possession of awls by minors and young adults of voting age. We are not even joking, somehow.

Peter Vallone, Jr., is the sponsor of this piece of legislation, which we think appears before the full City Council today at 1:30 p.m. (We say "we think" because the City Council published [...]

After what seems like an eternity of brutal suppression at the hands of an authoritarian oligarchy which shows no concern for the wishes of the people, the vast majority is rising up to say, in one clear and resounding voice, that the denial of their dreams will be tolerated no more. If you too tire of being beaten down and subjected to the scorn of those who would dismiss your desires, join the very important movement demanding that this website feature a picture of an actual awl on it. If we all stick together there is no way they can continue to keep us under their harsh boot. [...]