"Researchers concluded that a person was twice as likely to talk on a mobile, or check for messages, if a companion did the same."
• "Don’t you miss the time of love letters, mostly at school? The face of love was so tangible and inseparable from pen and paper. The poor chap whose heart was bleeding in love, often took his time and chose his words carefully on what was always attractive on paper." • "People want to go back to the day where you're sitting at a coffee shop, make eye contact and there is this mysterious moment where you don't know each other." • "I miss the days before everyone was offering their [...]
The next casualty of the recession: Receptionists, who are, as one expert quoted by the Wall Street Journal says, a "a nonproductive use of a person." (That the person who proffered said opinion is a management consultant resulted in me making one of those laugh-cry-sneeze sounds.)
"A person who’s demonstrative and outgoing, for instance, would most likely have a loud explosive sneeze, whereas someone who’s shy might try to withhold their sneezes, resulting in more of a Minnie Mouse-type expulsion." —Apparently "demonstrative and outgoing" is the new way of saying "asshole."
We received our first "_____ for President, 2016" spam today, which is great. (We've also unsubscribed from all the political emails, now that Obama has successfully been anointed president for life, so it's possible that some other 2016 bumper stickers are already out there.) Anyway, go Ron Rand Paul! He will stop whatever's happening, and give you Liberty, if you can afford it. Support whatever Super PAC is doing this, for freedom. Also, Rand Paul is a talking snake?
We are not going to mince words here: Elect a talking snake in 2016:
Your recent email blast of this morning? The one headlined "TMZ EXCLUSIVE: Balloon Dad — Don't Worry About Dropping Soap," which begins "Richard Heene won't have to worry about the "shower situation" in lockdown — TMZ has learned dude will get to shower alone"? This suggests that you require some forcible reeducation. (Particularly as you are an outfit with a gay man in charge.) We hereby sentence you to read the Human Rights Watch paper on prison rape and also to get, for the office, a guest speaker from Just Detention International. Here, you can read testimony from people who have been raped in [...]
This week, two—possibly three, or maybe more—not particularly bright asshole millennials discovered a terrible new way get attention. Then, for an encore, they figured out a way to shut down a mid-sized American city today.
After shooting some people and robbing a store last night, like total morons, one of the idiots actually managed to simply disappear, despite being in a shoot-out with police, in which the other main numbnuts was killed, and despite every law enforcement person in New England looking for him.
TV news spent most of the morning trying desperately to not be underfoot while people were actually trying to do their jobs to find the remaining [...]
"A friend of mine who grew up in Los Angeles once declared that transplants to Gotham only truly become New Yorkers when they exchange the exhortation "motherfucker," which, to be sure, has a satisfying sting, for "cocksucker"—a designation more mellifluous, the ugliness behind its origin notwithstanding. And yet, as comforting as both those epithets may be, in the colloquial currency of a city where you are constantly confronted by a teeming mass of narcissists hell-bent on thwarting whatever goal you hope to achieve (even something simple as completing a speedy transaction at an ATM), the most common denomination of irritant—the dollar bill of sweary, frustrated descriptors for those exasperating [...]