"A man was forced to call the emergency services after a toilet roll holder got stuck up his bottom at his house in Newport, South Wales."
Yes, sure, a profile of a man who sketches asses is a tough gig, but if reporter Tia Heidebrecht ever wants to make it out of Sioux City she's got to do a better job of selling phrases like "bootyful drawings" and "anything butt shy." Respect the form, woman.
In the ongoing debt limit saga, House Speaker John Boehner has apparently told recalcitrant members of his caucus to "get your ass in line" because "I can’t do this job unless you’re behind me," which, at the very least, makes the Republicans seem a lot more kinky than previously suspected.
You! Yes, you! I want you stand up right now. Go take a brief walk at a leisurely pace. Guess what? I just saved your life. Now you owe me one.
I don't even have a take on this one, except to applaud the folks at ITN for managing to wedge of shot of hot Brazilian asses into this report. Now that's packaging!
Writing 1100 words on the purported "GIF renaissance"-"the present-day GIF love goes beyond aesthetics and nostalgia. Animated GIFs aren't just throwbacks-they're uniquely suited to some very contemporary modes of cultural consumption, and they perform distinct functions that other formats can't"-seems like an awful lot of work in order to justify showing this GIF of Christina Hendricks' ass, but I've got to give it to the folks at Slate on this one: it's a pretty amazing ass. I mean, I'd much rather this than a contrarian piece on why Christina Hendricks' astounding ass really isn't one of the world's most phenomenal asses. Which was probably their [...]
"This is the broken window of social behavior — when you ignore people walking the streets showing their ass."
There is a certain cognitive dissonance when it comes to awards. We know that, in all but the most obvious cases where prizes are given based on predetermined metrical standards, they are entirely subjective, often political and occasionally bestowed upon their recipients for past efforts rather than any kind of current worthiness. And yet we can't help but take sides; there is something about our brains that is hardwired to rank, to root, to want our favorite to be the winner. We even enjoy the bad calls—I know people who still bemoan the injustice of Martin Scorsese losing the Academy Award for Best Director to Kevin Costner, even though [...]
There is apparently an ailment called "dead butt syndrome," which, despite its amusing name, actually sounds quite painful. (It's "an inflammation of the tendons in the gluteus medius, one of three large muscles that make up the butt.") Fortunately, it only seems to strike serious runners, so, uh, I think I'm pretty safe. Add this to your "reasons not to work out" list.
Good morning. An investigation of 18,000 British asses has revealed some shocking new details that are absolutely rocking the field of Female Ass Studies: Evolution has resulted in a "plumper, rounder and [more] squishy to the touch" ass in almost half of the asses surveyed. These enhanced asses—known in the technical jargon as "tomatoes," due to their resemblance to the fruit of the same name—offer scientific proof that "the effects of plentiful attractive food have taken their toll and spherical derrieres have given way to the tomato and the more unfortunate potato rear," notes ass authority Dr David Holmes, of Manchester Metropolitan University. While the majority of women [...]
And then there is this, out of Jersey: "Six women from the Essex County area who wanted fuller bottoms ended up in hospitals after receiving buttocks-enhancement injections containing the same material contractors use to caulk bathtubs, officials said. The women checked into hospitals in the county after their procedures, apparently administered by unlicensed providers, went horribly wrong, state health officials said. The women underwent surgery and were given antibiotics. No arrests have been made."
"'I don’t know who comes to the boardwalk and says, 'Let’s go to the boardwalk and find out how many asses we can see.'" —Wildwood mayor Ernest Troiano clearly hangs out with different people than you do.
"What I want her to do is get rid of those bloody jackets. Every time she turns around you’ve got that strange horizontal crease, which means they’re cut too narrow in the hips. You’ve got a big arse, Julia. Just get on with it." —Feminist hero Germaine Greer speaks truth to power while discussing Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard.
"If the Booty Lounge is rocking, Detroit police come knocking." [Spoiler: The Booty Lounge was indeed rocking, and the knocking of Detroit's constabulary resulted in the cessation of posterior oscillation.]
Here is an analysis of how the Daily Mail solves the problem of "how to optimise for the high-volume search term 'Pippa Middleton’s arse'." And here you will find an argument that newspapers write about Pippa Middleton's arse (or, as we have it here, "Pippa Middleton's ass" or "Pippa Middleton's rear end" or "Pippa Middleton amazing ass" or "great ass Pippa Middleton" or "Pippa Middleton rump ass bottom backside" or "woman from Royal Wedding ass" —Enough already, we get the joke. –Ed.) because that's what people want to read about: They want to read about Pippa Middleton's fantastic ass. Also they want to see pictures or photos. [...]
Ken Wheaton is irate about grown-ups who clean their bottoms with baby wipes.
To quote the great Barry Gifford's concluding line in the novel Arise and Walk, "I got no doubt in my mind but that there ain't never been and won't never will be another country like this one in the history of planet earth."