Spawned by a stern former Nazi Sturmabteilunger who disliked him and believed that he was someone else's son, Arnold Schwarzenegger spent years torturing his body into an exaggerated caricature. This expression of dysmorphia led him on a path to riches in America's film industry, much as dysmorphic expressions of emaciation do for women. After accumulating tens of millions of dollars, it seemed a convenient parlay of attention and cash into running the whole state in which the film industry resided, and he announced his campaign for governor of California on the "Tonight Show with Jay Leno."

To this day, no one knows how tall he is.

Dark times in California, with the state facing a $21 billion budget deficit after voters rejected a series of ballot initiatives intended to fill the gaps. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who supported the measures so fervently that he spent election day touring the state to rally voters in Washington with President Obama, says the message is loud and clear.

"By posting items online, Californians and people from other states and around the world can participate in the Great California Garage Sale. This is a win-win for the state and for shoppers. Together we are eliminating waste and providing great deals in this tough economy. I encourage everyone to log on or attend this great event." -California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger promotes the state's online sale of unneeded office supplies, automobiles, confiscated items and other accessories.

California is spiraling down the crapper rapidly! The state will entirely run out of money next month, and will then close up shop and call it a day, leaving citizens to eat each other for sustenance and travel solely by foot and bicycle and on the back of the weak who become slaves to the strong. The governor's plan is to suspend healthcare for nearly a million children and to take all the money from the schools. (No, really, that's his plan! Yes!) Unfortunately, the Democrats' plan is just to spend the little remaining reserve money left and hope everything works out. Gah! The good choice, which is not [...]