I could have changed the history of the city of New York. Back when the Mayor was busting his pockets trying to land the NBA's prime free agent-back when anything was possible and any team could land LeBron James-I got recruited to help. A friend of a friend asked me to select soundtrack for part of the campaign, presumably because I write about basketball and the perils of Ikea's Expedit, exclusively.

But journalistic ethics got the best of me, and I politely declined. So if you're still looking for a scapegoat, I'm your man.