The Awl

World's Most Pretentious Woman Is Friends With Eric Asimov

Alex Balk — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 10:35:42 +0000

"WHEN a good friend insisted a few years back on dining by herself at the French Laundry, the renowned Napa Valley restaurant, I found it hard to comprehend. Wouldn’t she miss out on the communal relishing of shared flavors, delights and memories? Of course, she said. But more important to her was the opportunity to savor each nuance with unobstructed emotions, to laugh or to weep as the mood dictated, without the sort of inhibitions companions might pose."

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No, Let's Not

Alex Balk — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:50:31 +0000

"Want to play it cool with someone? Seem busy and important? Then send a text—with a term of endearment—that appears to be written to someone else. Or ask 'who is this?' when you receive a text. Have a friend text you repeatedly when you're on a date. Claim not to have gotten a text you actually received. Let's call it bluffting: A text with a little bluffing."

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"Kreayshawn" Apparently Still A Thing

Alex Balk — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 12:10:09 +0000

"High-end fashion brands have a problem. Let’s call it the 'Kreayshawn quandary,' after the young Bay Area rapper made famous by the Internet and her hit song 'Gucci, Gucci,' which has gotten over 16 million views on YouTube."
—Oh God please can we not?

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Report: Jane's Addiction Vastly Oversimplified Complexities Of Petit Larceny

Alex Balk — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 14:10:29 +0000

"'I enjoy stealing,' explains singer Perry Farrell in 'Been Caught Stealing,' Jane’s Addiction’s 1990 ode to shoplifting. 'It’s just as simple as that.' But unfortunately for businesses and thieves, little about shoplifting is simple."

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Men Should Not Wear Shorts. That Is All.

Alex Balk — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 12:00:43 +0000

"For the better part of 30 years, men’s shorts have been inching away from their own breviloquent description. My call for a return to a common-sense inseam has been met over time with complacency, staunch resistance and — on the occasions I’ve dared to lead by example — merciless ribbing. Just as I was beginning to lose heart, it was revealed that several designers are featuring shorter men’s shorts for spring. Revivified, I strode out into the Los Angeles sunshine to gauge whether the American public had regained its appetite for men’s bare thighs."

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You Are Too Poor To Throw Yourself A Celebration

Alex Balk — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 11:50:55 +0000

“'If you can’t afford to hire a bartender,' he added, 'you shouldn’t be having a party.'"

Lest you think I was hasty on this one, I would like to point out that it took heroic efforts to persevere past, "this is my sh-bam, my moment." Or even "Williamsburg."

Photo by Sklathill, from Flickr.

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How Dare President Obama Leave The Country During Veterans Day?

Alex Balk — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 09:50:44 +0000

"With his feeble flame of 'hope' thoroughly doused here in the United States by last week's elections, President Obama has set out around the globe in search of throngs still enthralled by his flowery rhetoric. He found them, of course, in Indonesia this week by telling them about how Americans must stop mistrusting Islam. So that is why your president is halfway around the world instead of being here in the United States to celebrate the sacrifices American soldiers, sailors and airmen have made around the world to keep the real, still-burning flame of freedom alive."

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Very Recent History

Alex Balk — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 09:10:12 +0000

"I graduated from Barnard in 2005, steeped in the era of 'Sex and the City's'" do-me feminism."

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Grandma's Diabetic Piss Whiskey

Alex Balk — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:30:23 +0000

"James Gilpin, who recently graduated from Design Interactions in London, suffers from type 1 diabetes. He has used his own experience of the condition to explore but also discuss the consequences of using science to alter our bodies' abilities.

The designer's project, Gilpin Family Whisky, is inspired by the fact that large amounts of sugar are excreted on a daily basis by diabetic patients-especially older people-who don't have adequate control of their sugar levels. Processing old people's urine to produce whisky of high economic value is not a scheme sponsored by the government to solve Britain's looming pension crisis, it is the starting point for a discussion with health care professionals about the everyday problems caused by diabetes."

The Awl

World's Most Pretentious Woman Is Friends With Eric Asimov

No, Let's Not

"Kreayshawn" Apparently Still A Thing

Report: Jane's Addiction Vastly Oversimplified Complexities Of Petit Larceny

Men Should Not Wear Shorts. That Is All.

You Are Too Poor To Throw Yourself A Celebration

How Dare President Obama Leave The Country During Veterans Day?

Very Recent History

Grandma's Diabetic Piss Whiskey

You Lost Me At The Headline