Russian Chimpanzee To Rehab @9:00 AM
I told myself we weren't going to start the week with this, but the best laid plans, etc.: "A Russian chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers to cure the smoking and beer-drinking habits he has picked up, a popular daily reported on Friday. An ex-performer, Zhora became aggressive at his circus and was transferred to a zoo in the southern Russian city of Rostov, where he fathered several baby chimps, learned to draw with markers and picked up his two vices. 'The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,' the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said." I guess the markers are a promising sign. Art therapy is often helpful in cases like this. 16
"Advertisements are capable of bringing forth feelings so unpleasant that we're compelled to eliminate them by whatever means possible."
—Indiana University marketing professor Adam Duhachek discusses a new study showing that PSAs using "guilt or shame to warn against alcohol abuse can actually have the reverse effect, spurring increased drinking among target audiences." And how! Just reading about this study makes me want a drink, like NOW. [Via] @1:00 PM 10
"A higher density of alcohol sales outlets in an area means closer proximity and easier availability to an intoxicating substance for residents. Perhaps just as importantly, alcohol outlets provide a greater number of potentially deviant places. Convenience stores licensed to sell alcohol may be especially troublesome in this regard, as they often serve not only as sources of alcohol but also as local gathering places with little formal social control."
—Indiana University professor William Alex Pridemore discusses his new study which shows that there is a correlation between the number of locations in which one can buy alcohol in a neighborhood and the rate of violence in that neighborhood. As it turns out, the more places you can buy alcohol, the more assaults you're going to see. Which, you know, wow, who knew? @3:30 PM 10
This should not exactly come as news, but: "Americans' love affair with top-shelf booze cooled last year as the recession took a toll on high-priced tipples. A new report by an industry group shows people drank more but turned to cheaper brands. They also drank more at home and less in pricier bars and restaurants." Sigh. I can't remember the last time I drank anything that didn't come out of a plastic jug. Damn you, Obama, FIX THIS ECONOMY! People are hurting. @3:10 PM 26
Knifecrime Island Clerics Blamed For Booze-Related Violence @2:40 PM
The monks of Buckfast Abbey—a pleasant Benedictine order in Devon, England—are rejecting suggestions that their Buckfast Tonic (a highly-caffeinated, 30 proof fortified wine ) is playing a role in the nation's epidemic of drunken violence. The Scottish constabulary have noted the connection: "Buckfast Tonic Wine was mentioned in 5,638 crime reports from 2006 to 2009, Strathclyde Police said. One in 10 of those offences were violent and the bottle was used as a weapon 114 times in that period." READ MORE 15
Britons In Pitched Battle To See Who Can Drink Themselves To Death Fastest @12:45 PM
Has Knifecrime Island's trouble with drink reached epidemic proportions? New figures show that alcohol-related deaths in Britain have doubled since the 1990s. And everyone's getting in on the game: Almost 42,000 cases of hospitalization in three years for those under 18 (or "35 children every DAY," as the Mail has it) were related to alcohol, "middle-class professionals" drink 13.8 alcohol units a week (surpassing their proletarian countrymen, who average 10.6), and 20% of British women over 65 admit to drinking alone on the days they consume the most alcohol. It seems fairly shocking. READ MORE 17
"Sober" Keith Richards A Disappointment To Alcoholics Everywhere @1:20 PM
The report that Keith Richards hasn't had a drink for four months seems a little sketchy in that whole "a source close to [X] reports" way, but if it actually turns out to be true, the suggestion that "Keith decided to quit booze after seeing his bandmate Ronnie Wood start drinking heavily again" has got to be a literally sobering reproach to Wood. If Keith Richards stops drinking because he thinks you have a problem, well, you have a problem. 10
Revealed: Why We Drink @1:15 PM
The government of Knifecrime Island, desperate to curtail the epidemic of drunkenness that so defines that nation's blade-wielding denizens, has proposed a ban on cheap alcohol promotions in pubs. The Independent breaks it down for you with a helpful FAQ, which includes this groundbreaking answer to the eternal question of why people drink in the first place. READ MORE 24
I'm Not Drunk, I'm Signaling! @12:21 PM
There is only an abstract available, so I can't be entirely sure, but this paper on the economics of drinking argues that
drug consumption, most commonly alcohol drinking, can be a technology to give up some control over one’s actions and words. It can be employed by trustworthy players to reveal their type. Similarly alcohol can function as a “social lubricant” and faciliate type revelation in conversations. It is shown that both separating and pooling equilibria can exist; as opposed to the classic results in the literature, a pooling equilibrium is still informative. Drugs which allow a gradual loss of control by appropriate doses and for which moderate consumption is not addictive are particularly suitable because the consumption can be easily observed and reciprocated and is unlikely to occur out of the social context. There is a trade-off between the efficiency gains due to the signaling effect and the loss of productivity associated with intoxication.
So it's a good thing, right? That's what I'm going to take away from it. Thanks, Science! [Via] 13
I had no idea that a shortage of Angostura bitters was threatening our city's Manhattans, but apparently this is the case! Until the crisis eases, I suggest Peychaud's as an alternative. @10:20 AM 18
Frontiers of Medicine: Would You Take "Don't Drink" Pills? @12:10 PM
Here's a pretty fascinating piece about treating alcoholism with pharmaceutical drugs. While a successful pharmacological cure does not yet exist, drug companies are starting to realize that there's money to be made, and it seems like a matter of time before a magic bullet is discovered or created. The possibility of this kind of treatment engenders controversy: Is it appropriate to battle a chemical addiction with another chemical? Won't the pharmaceutical companies "define alcoholism down" in an attempt to get the broadest possible consumer base for their products? Is life really worth living if you're sober all the time? READ MORE 46
Are We Entering The Era Of Hangover-Free Booze? @4:00 PM
Since the dawn of time man's greatest dream has been to create an alcoholic beverage in which one can freely indulge without fear of bodily recriminations the next morning. Are we finally nearing the achievement of society's greatest goal? To—of course—Britain! READ MORE 29
Minibike Service Lets You Drink With Confidence @3:35 PM
This local news piece about a service you call when you're too tanked up to drive yourself home that sends a man on a tiny scooter to escort you back in your own automobile is, I guess, interesting enough as it goes, but you'll want to pay special attention at about the 1:55 mark where there is an important aside that is delivered in the most bizarrely cheerful fashion. I guess we all make amends in our own ways. 10
The secret to my stunning efficiency: "A new study has found that while drinking a lot of bourbon can cause a worse hangover than drinking a lot of vodka, impairment in people's next-day task performance is about the same for both beverages." No word yet on which liquor causes you to make poorer decisions, but I'm sure they'll do a follow-up. [Via] 54
The Chicago Tribune's list of hangover remedies (water, wheatgrass, some other stuff) probably doesn't contain anything you haven't heard before, but the suggestion of "tomato juice with a shot of lime juice and sugar" intrigues: I've been drinking a glass of V8 every morning for the last month or so and my hangovers—Lord knows I'm not drinking any less these days—have been considerably more tolerable. Maybe I'll try adding sugar and lime. And a little vodka, just to balance it out. [Via Pat's Papers, which includes a choice Kinglsey Amis quote.] 33
Graphic Anti-Drinking Ad Shows Downside Of Urinating On Yourself @1:50 PM
Via AdFreak, here's one of the spots in a new viral campaign from Britain's National Health Service aimed at reducing binge drinking by young people. It is indeed "dark and disturbing to watch," but if I know my Britons they'll be out imitating it in no time. 41
Man Sentenced To British Version Of The Death Penalty @1:55 PM
Meet Ryan Kane! Ryan, from Oxfordshire, has earned the distinction of being the first person in England and Wales to be banned from drinking alcohol. Apparently the truculent type, Kane had already been barred from entering local pubs for three years, but violated the order more than 40 times. For the next two years, "Kane is prohibited from entering pubs or clubs, buying alcohol from any licensed premises, being involved in anti-social behaviour while under the influence of alcohol or having unsealed alcohol containers in any public place in Banbury." Ha! He lives in a place called Banbury! Maybe they should just get him a SCRAM. 7
"I like these liquor-sacks. When you're done, they fold flat, and their flexible form means that they could be easily secreted in the crotchal region to defeat all but the most enthusiastic of friskings. A win for secret alcoholics everywhere." Restoration Hardware solves the difficult holiday dilemma of what to give to the alcoholic who has everything. 12
How To Drink Less @11:50 AM
Eric Asimov gives a rundown on alcoholic digestives, those heavenly nectars which provide abdominal relief from the overindulgence often associated with Thanksgiving or other holiday meals. He focuses on amari, the Italian iteration of the soothing tonics. READ MORE 10
Booze, Booze, It's Good For Your Heart @4:00 PM
Here is some excellent news: "[R]esearch reported today in the journal Heart found that men who consume large or very large amounts of alcohol are least at risk of developing [coronary heart disease], which kills more than 90,000 Britons a year. Men who drink regularly, even in small quantities, are more than 30% less likely to suffer from heart disease, it found. But those who drink the most cut their risk by the most. Those classed as high consumers of alcohol, between 30 and 90 grams per day, had 54% less chance of getting the disease, while those deemed to have a very high intake, of more than 90 grams or at least eight glasses of wine a day, were 50% less likely." Experts caution that while alcohol may, in fact, help reduce the–BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE I AM FILLING MY EARS WITH DELICIOUS ALCOHOL RIGHT NOW. Ladies and gentlemen, I am NEVER GOING TO DIE. Thank you! 32
The Independent's Simon Carr makes me feel much better about my alcohol consumption. Who knows, he may help you feel better too! @1:35 PM 17
Will Wine Mess Up Your Grill? @2:40 PM
If I know my Awl readers—and I think I do—I know that the most pressing concern you face these days is whether or not your massive consumption of wine will somehow damage the enamel on your teeth. Here's your answer: Drink red. Or better yet, drink bourbon! Although that very last tip is not based on any medical or scientific knowledge and should probably not be taken as gospel, particularly if you've seen the state of my own dental work, which is atrocious given my refusal to see a dentist and the massive amount of nicotine staining going on there. Anyway, drink red and eat cheese! You're welcome. 33
Every Woman In Britain Is Drunk Right Now @12:15 PM
"A DRUNKEN young girl's night out ends with her hunched and heaving in the road – next to a poster urging moderate drinking," reports Britain's Sun of an incident that took place, of course, in Cardiff. "Figures show British women drink twice as much as in any other nation – increasing their risk of alcohol-related death, crime, sexual diseases and accidents." So for those of you inclined to tut-tut the paper for cheap sensationalism, be aware that this is an actual news story pegged to Britain's terrible female drinking problem. Anything else? "The sickening scene in our main picture was in Cardiff. But there are similar degrading sights across Britain every weekend – as this investigation by The Sun reveals. See slideshow, below, for pics of lashed-up lasses." Ah, yes, the slideshow! Thanks for that! (Below, in at attempt at gender equity, a recent Sun piece that shows the men of Knifecrime Island can be just as staggeringly drunk as the women.) READ MORE 37
Drunk Chick Represents Everything Wrong With Britain @1:30 PM
I'm not sure why, particularly given that it happened in Cardiff, the photo of this woman stumbling about town in an advanced state of déshabillité has resulted in such horror from the British tabs, but I do know that I can't decide which gasping description I prefer, the Sun's "The knickerless girl was seen in the centre of Cardiff after a heavy session," or the Mail's "This shrieking ladette was photographed staggering through Cardiff city centre late on Friday night." If only she were holding a knife, this would be perfect. 64
Every Hour In Britain Is Unhappy Hour For Your Liver @12:10 PM
News from The War on Alcohol: "ONE person drinks themselves to death every hour, according to figures that expose the full horror of binge-drinking Britain." That's a higher fatality rate than knifecrimes! The same article notes that the low price of certain kinds of booze "means young people can get drunk for less than the price of a chocolate bar," which, you know, what am I doing stuck on this side of the pond? 9
Will Stabby Britons Lose Their Pint Privileges? @11:20 AM
Anger in Britain, where a government plan to redesign the pint glass is coming under fire from publicans, a group normally swift to embrace change. The British Beer and Pub Association is protesting the potential move to plastic glasses, a response to figures showing that "5,500 people are attacked with glasses and bottles every year in England and Wales." A Beer and Pub spokesman expressed concerns that pub-goers will be put off by the new cups, noting that the current tankards just feel better, but designer Nick Verebelyi thinks it is possible to innovate while still keeping the steins "desirable and acceptable and cool." From this side of the pond, the whole thing seems like a useless bit of government interference: The main takeaway from the whole controversy is that Britons will turn pretty much anything into a knife, even beer mats. They love the stabbing, Britons do. 9
Old People Also Enjoy Alcohol @2:10 PM
Binge drinking, an activity once confined to college students and the characters on TV's Mad Men, is a growing trend in the lives of a different group: Baby Boomers. That's right, government data shows that "23 percent of men between the ages of 50 and 64 admitted to binge drinking in the past month, as did roughly 9 percent of women." (The definition here for binging is five or more drinks on one occasion in the period of a month, which, you know, really?) Boomers blame their troublesome tippling on the stress of having growing children and elderly parents and mortgages and debt and concerns about the future—a condition some experts refer to as "life"—but there's another possibility: People like to drink. And they can. So they do. Something to think about. 16
Jimmy Bedford, 1940-2009 @11:40 AM
Knock one back for Jimmy Bedford, who suffered a fatal heart attack this weekend. Bedford, 69, rose from the humble role of yeast fermenter to spend twenty years as the Master Distiller for Jack Daniel's. I'm a Wild Turkey man myself, and Jack Daniel's sour mash is a little too tart for my taste, but I've had plenty of it in the absence of other options and I certainly can appreciate the craft. Bedford's obituary notes his tireless promotion of the brand and his role as the whiskey's final taster before it was released to retailers. (There is also the unfortunate matter of the $3.5 million dollar sexual harassment that resulted in his early retirement, but one can always approve of the art without endorsing the actions of the artist.) 5
Whiskey Ad Pretty Good, Actually @1:10 PM
AdFreak asks if this is "the best ad of the year so far," and, having watched it, I'm inclined to say, "Yeah, probably." Then again, I'm a sucker for whiskey and Robert Carlyle. A five-and-a-half minute single-take monologue about Johnnie Walker may not sound like the most appealing thing in the world, but give it a minute or two; you might be tempted to stick it out. Or go have a drink. Either way! 7
