Posts Tagged: ain’t that america
1

How Do We Think We're Dying Now?

"What Brings Americans to the ER?"

4

Massive Interstate Pile-Ups Are America's Worst New Hobby

Americans have already managed 19 epic highway pile-ups this year, and we've still got nine months to go. Hundreds of drivers in Texas, Florida, Indiana, Ohio and Michigan caused death and destruction in the first few months of 2013, with fog and snow and smoke from giant fires often blamed for the chain-reaction disasters.

To be safe, experts advise you not live in any of those states, use public transportation whenever possible, try the very un-American technique of not being right on top of the car in front of you, and also maybe don't drive anywhere if you can't see at all.

Photo by Todd Vision.

9

Gun Violence In America Just Since Friday's Massacre Of Children And Schoolteachers In Newtown

4

Pretty Soon They Will Be Hauling Our Enormous Asses To The ER In Humvees

As was previously the case in Boston, emergency medical services—this time in Fort Worth, Texas—have been forced to expand the size of their ambulances to better accommodate our more corpulent frames. This is not so much news, but note the matter-of-fact tone of the the report: "Everybody's tubbing up… and that's the way it is."

6

Company Will Do Donut Sandwich To You This Week

"Dunkin’ Donuts says it’s set to debut its 'Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich' on the nation this Friday, making a split glazed doughnut filled with a peppered fried egg and cherrywood smoked bacon the newest addition to America’s breakfast repertoire."

4

Will "Energy Drinks" Finally Kill Off Most Americans?

"A new government survey suggests the number of people seeking emergency treatment after consuming energy drinks has doubled nationwide during the past four years, the same period in which the supercharged drink industry has surged in popularity in convenience stores, bars and on college campuses. From 2007 to 2011, the government estimates the number of emergency room visits involving the neon-labeled beverages shot up from about 10,000 to more than 20,000." —Those corn-syrup/caffeine "sports drinks" are not just making you obese.

10

Poultry Specialists Urge Calm In Giant Egg Crisis

Here you will find a picture of a giant egg laid by a chicken in Iowa. Before you panic, please take note: "An egg approaching that size is unusual, but not unheard of, egg experts said." [Via]