"Dunkin’ Donuts says it’s set to debut its 'Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich' on the nation this Friday, making a split glazed doughnut filled with a peppered fried egg and cherrywood smoked bacon the newest addition to America’s breakfast repertoire."
"A new government survey suggests the number of people seeking emergency treatment after consuming energy drinks has doubled nationwide during the past four years, the same period in which the supercharged drink industry has surged in popularity in convenience stores, bars and on college campuses. From 2007 to 2011, the government estimates the number of emergency room visits involving the neon-labeled beverages shot up from about 10,000 to more than 20,000." —Those corn-syrup/caffeine "sports drinks" are not just making you obese.
Americans have already managed 19 epic highway pile-ups this year, and we've still got nine months to go. Hundreds of drivers in Texas, Florida, Indiana, Ohio and Michigan caused death and destruction in the first few months of 2013, with fog and snow and smoke from giant fires often blamed for the chain-reaction disasters.
To be safe, experts advise you not live in any of those states, use public transportation whenever possible, try the very un-American technique of not being right on top of the car in front of you, and also maybe don't drive anywhere if you can't see at all.
Photo by Todd Vision.
- A 42-year-old destitute maniac fired 50 rounds at the Fashion Island luxury mall in Newport Beach, California, on Saturday evening. No one was injured.
- A nut shot an employee at the Excalibur hotel-casino in Las Vegas on Friday night, and then shot himself to death.
- A man opened fire on people in a restaurant and then a movie theater parking lot in San Antonio on Sunday night, injuring one person before being shot by an off-duty sheriff's deputy working as a security guard.
- In Mississippi, one man is dead and two are injured (including the dead man's father) "after an argument over a man 'doing [...]
As was previously the case in Boston, emergency medical services—this time in Fort Worth, Texas—have been forced to expand the size of their ambulances to better accommodate our more corpulent frames. This is not so much news, but note the matter-of-fact tone of the the report: "Everybody's tubbing up… and that's the way it is."