Dear Lady of Answers,

Last summer, I met the love of my life. He is entrancing, gorgeous, hilarious, unusual, and has many other good qualities. All of my friends, to a wo/man, are thoroughly, 100% approving. Lest anyone be bitterly judging me, please know that I had been dating extensively (and apparently wrongly) for TWENTY-THREE FUCKING YEARS.

When two men fall in love and wish to merge their assets, or, should I say, in my case, their debts, a strange new world of options awaits them. For instance, my gay upstairs neighbor recently appeared with a ring on his finger. He is affianced! (That is a word that always reminds me of "refinanced" and I suppose it's not too much different, don't you think?) I was shocked. I suppose I am from another time, even though I am from the Generation X.

Formerly Always Never A Bridesmaid

Dear Formerly Always Never,

First of all congratulations. You have attained the summit of possible human achievement. (Really!) Now grab it with both hands and don't let go!! (Not really.)

Not that I am going to actually try to dissuade you from being married, FANAB. I am as much of a sucker for the ceremony of the bells and lace as the next Joni Mitchell. And simply by being gay you have eliminated like 50% of my possible objections to the institution of marriage-the "to love, honor and obey" stuff that creeps in among the readings from J.G. Ballard and Cambodian translations of Cranberries songs at even the most alterna- of modern-day heterosexual weddings. Women who think they want to be married have to grapple with the historical role of marriage as a tool the patriarchy uses to subordinate women; you are not a woman so, head on over to the Tom Ford boutique, pick up one of those little registry stun-gun things and start zapping!

OK, but actually put the stun-gun down and let's talk about a couple of practical details for a second.

You raise an interesting point when you mention the similarity of the words "affianced" and "refinanced." Now, if you are planning to jointly own property or jointly raise some children, legally turning your relationship into a small business makes practical sense. But the logic that two people ought to mingle their bank accounts simply because they are in love-well, that has always seemed flawed, to me. Money, as Cyndi Lauper so astutely pointed out, changes everything. Think of the last time you had a relationship-not a romantic relationship, necessarily, but a roommate relationship or parent-child relationship-where you felt financially beholden to someone, or someone felt financially beholden to you. Did that dynamic subtly poison the relationship?

Without the cushion of cultural assumptions like "I'm the man and I'm the provider, it's my job to take care of my family," the merger aspect of marriage seems to me to be a recipe for inevitable conflict. But then again, so does having to keep track of who paid for what in a relationship where both parties maintain their fiscal independence, so this issue is not a dealbreaker so much as it is, like, something to keep in mind. There is actually a lot of boring, legal stuff to keep in mind. That's the thing about marriage: on the one hand, it is this quasi-mystical union of souls, and on the other hand it is like a trip to the DMV.

Also, are you going to, you know, forsake all others? I know this is horribly old-fashioned and unrealistic of me, but I think you should. I guess open marriages work for some people, but let's be honest about the fact that those people are, for the most part, crazy freaks. (Or: fans of subtle emotional torture and denial.) I mean, shit happens, but preplanned shit with rules happening constantly just seems like it defeats the purpose. And there is a purpose, right? Let's quickly run down a list of bad reasons to get married:

1) Might as well.