Frightening tabloid news! The New York Post is outraged that gun-toting yahoos from the boondocks are no longer standing on every corner, menacing actual New Yorkers, and doing absolutely nothing, as they have for the last eight years. Yes, the National Guard has cut back its New York City presence, from 430 goons to 280. How are we supposed to feel unsafe without poorly-trained farm boys menacing us with enormous weapons during our commutes? What if Russia invades and only a group of upstart smart-aleck kids, led by C. Thomas Howell, can save us from WWIII?