WTF
9

Are You Watching "Christmas Cats TV"?

IT'S LIKE THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL DAVID LYNCH FORGOT TO MAKE. And yes. UM IT'S GETTING A LITTLE WEIRD IN THERE, THEY'RE DRINKING OUT OF A FLASK.

7

Henry Blodget Has A Body Count

Recently a man wrote on his blog about how he feels anxious about the presence of bathroom attendants while he is trying to pee. The man was Henry Blodget, and the restaurant was SoHo's Balthazar. Now the owner of Balthazar has fired his bathroom attendants.

Goodbye forever, Balthazar!

Photo of a delicious Balthazar meal by "Ed G."

17

What To Google To Get The Government To Show Up At Your House

He travels to Asia for work. She looks up pressure cookers online. And God only knows what the 20-year-old boy in the house Googles. That combination, apparently, is how you get a "joint terrorism task force" to show up at your door on Long Island:

"Meanwhile, they were peppering my husband with questions. Where is he from? Where are his parents from? They asked about me, where was I, where do I work, where do my parents live. Do you have any bombs, they asked. Do you own a pressure cooker? My husband said no, but we have a rice cooker. Can you make a bomb with that? [...]

0

"That’ll make ’em forget about all those Mexicans in study hall at Texas A&M.”

Wow, this story about how Rick Perry's gay advisor wasn't at all opposed to the anti-gay ads his campaign ran reveals that (at least some!) Republican campaign consultants are awful, manipulative, grotesque human beings. I realize I am probably the last person in the world to be horrified by internal politics, but, sweet Lord. Perhaps I shall purchase and read Jay Root's campaign book from whence this comes!

1

DSK Does Not Live in Brooklyn

Attention: Mail for former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn should be addressed to 153 Franklin Street in Manhattan, not that address in Brooklyn. Though the folks in Brooklyn appreciate this shipment of Hebrew books for him. (!!??)

5

Have You Read This Messed-Up Lionel Shriver Story Yet???

It doesn't look like anyone's really noticed this Lionel Shriver story in this week's New Yorker yet. (I hadn't, until a friend pointed it out to me last night in an email. (Body: "IT IS FUCKED UP."))

It is behind the subscriber-wall, and most people don't get to their "paper" issues till the weekend, after all, and also people tend to talk about fact more than fiction in the New Yorker. But… well, her story is pretty brutal, as you would expect from the author of We Need to Talk About Kevin, but and then? Well we must spoil it to talk about it. So. We will give [...]

10

EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET IS FAKE AND CONNECTED AND SUCKS AND WE ARE PAWNS UGH

UM. So long, Horse_ebooks and Pronunciation Book! Because:

the creators of the two accounts, Jacob Bakkila and Thomas Bender, will prove that they are indeed human, appearing in a performance that is the final flourish in this suite of conceptual-art pieces, weaving together Horse_ebooks and Pronunciation Book

HOLY SHIT, WE ARE ALL DUPES. I don't understand anything. NO NO NO. We thought Alexey Kouznetsov was @horse_ebooks? And that… IDK BuzzFeed something something has dirty hands into this? UGH. *climbs into hole screaming* OH NO:

Bear Stearns Bravo

— Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) September 24, 2013

1

Eliot Spitzer's Petition Kids Are Really Weird Or Maybe Think They're In A Jason Bourne Movie?

Haha, the poor kids collecting signatures for Eliot Spitzer are total weirdo drama queens! This story!

9

Remember That Time It Snowed Before Halloween?

And how was your nutso, record-smashing, disconcerting Snowtober? One hopes you weren't trapped on a diverted plane for seven hours or a victim of the (bizarre) Amtrak shutdown or one of the three million without power or, you know, one of the nine dead. Happy… Halloween?

Photograph by Rachel So

25

I Just Deposited a Check in My Bank Using My Phone???

SERIOUSLY I just DEPOSITED A CHECK INSIDE MY BANK WHILE BEING INSIDE MY OWN HOME, by taking "pictures" of the "check" with my "smart phone" and then suddenly the "money" is "in" the BANK. (Well okay it is "pending," and if they "accept" it then I just get to "destroy" (their word!) the check? (I love to imagine how many lawyers worked on choosing "destroy" so that it would limit liability; "destroy" is so total but note that it does not specify a manner of destruction.)) So now I will never leave the house again, until my next "smart phone" breaks and I have to go buy a new [...]

4

Movie Trailer Preposterous

It's not as bad as that weird leaked trailer that came out a while ago, but the Noah trailer is really like a parody, right?

5

LOL, What, I Don't Even, What, "The Post," Jeff Bezos, The Hell, Oh My God

The Post Co. will change to a new, still-undecided name and continue as a publicly traded company http://t.co/8VokdkOp8f

— Michael Roston (@michaelroston) August 5, 2013

I'm listening to the conference call. WaPo staffers asked not to tweet for 10 minutes.

— Romenesko (@romenesko) August 5, 2013

wait sorry is this a joke?

— Rachel Fershleiser (@RachelFersh) August 5, 2013

People who purchased the Washington Post also liked these products

— Jason Linkins (@dceiver) August 5, 2013

They can't make a non-shitty Kindle Fire but they can buy the Washington Post????

— Spencer Ackerman (@attackerman) August 5, 2013

6

Let Us Never Forget the "Spiderman" Branzino Moment

Thank the Lord for Zach Baron, who apparently was also obsessed with the weirdest movie moment of 2012: in the Spiderman reboot, where suddenly everyone starts saying the word "branzino." Strangest damn thing I ever saw.

24

"In the punishing heat of a July afternoon, dresses are 'the ultimate in comfort'"

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So how sure are we that the Times piece on dresses isn't actually an Onion article? http://nyti.ms/pRxy8qThu Jul 21 14:44:38 via webmarc tracymarcatracy

Um, not at all sure. "Younger women, who once adopted the dress as a cheeky send up of mid-20th century feminine stereotypes, are now dispensing with such ironies and acknowledging the frankly sensual appeal of the dress." WHAT IS GOING ON.

2

The Education of Cathie Black

In short, almost literally no one knew that the chairwoman of Hearst Publications was going to be taking on the post of New York City Schools Chancellor. Not even Gayle King! But good news, I guess. "On Monday, Ms. Black was seen at the Hearst Tower with a thick stack of materials concerning public education." That's excellent, she's learning about public schools before she RUNS ALL OF THEM.